


A Different Circle (Pi R Squared)

by Josephine_Martin



Series: The Circle Series [2]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-08
Updated: 2013-10-14
Packaged: 2017-12-28 20:47:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 42
Words: 86,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/996525
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Josephine_Martin/pseuds/Josephine_Martin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the continuation of the story started in Two Pi R. A minor change in circumstances has led to a major change for Sam and Jack. They’re home and dealing with the change in their relationship, but there’s unfinished business in the glalaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story was originally posted in 2007 on Fanfiction.net. Apart from minor edits, it remains the same.
> 
> Disclaimer: All publicly recognisable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. Where this story coincides with the orignal, dialogue is taken from the series.
> 
> With thanks to my beta, geyer.
> 
> Sections of dialogue from the show are included in this story where it overlaps from the 'official' version. I took the dialogue in part from transcripts on Gateworld, and in part direct from DVDs.

This is the continuation of the story started in Two Pi R, where a minor change in circumstances led to a major change for Sam and Jack. They're back on Earth and dealing with the change in their relationship, but there's unfinished business out in the galaxy as well as the ever-present threat of the Goa'uld. It starts towards the beginning of Season 2 of the show.

Chapter 1

Life's settling into a routine that should be foreign to me, but it's not. I've been back on Earth for a month, and I haven't been through the gate once. And you know what? I don't really miss it. There are things I do miss. Working with Jack is one of them. The actual getting shot at, not so much.

The pregnancy seems to have settled down – in fact from the moment we were captured, the morning sickness disappeared. Janet reckoned it was a side effect of the 'fight or flight' reflex. Whatever it was, I'm definitely not sorry.

There's no word from Char'ak. I hoped he'd be able to get the kids to us quickly – I mean, we destroyed Apophis. That should've meant that the twins would be safe for a while. Another Goa'uld's bound to take over his planets, but the one they're on is so worthless, it's not going to be high on anyone's list. At least, that's the theory. If anyone got wind of why Heka thought they were important, it might be a different story. It's not like I fully understand it myself. And I doubt it's anything to do with their gift for healing. Apart from the fact that helping Carys almost killed Jack, the Goa'uld have sarcophagi, so that can't be it.

When we talked to the twins afterwards – in the short time between the incident and our being taken – it seems their parents might've had an idea of the problems. Except for very minor ailments, they always both joined with the children, and the twins remember them being tired afterwards. I suppose it goes with being children that they forgot to tell us that before they tried it. Not that I'd change anything now, and I know Jack wouldn't. He's fine – sailed through the physical to return him to active duty – and when he's off duty, he's constantly busy too. We're looking for a new house. Mine's already up for sale, and the plan is to find somewhere big enough for the twins as well as the baby and us, and maybe some further additions. We haven't discussed that yet, but Jack's refusing to look at anything smaller than five bedrooms.

SG-1 seems to be working without me, although Jack's going through potential additions at a rate of one per mission. I know from Daniel that it's not just Jack – even he and Teal'c believe that none of those they've tested yet have been up to the standard of Sandy Joyce, let alone me. I almost kissed Daniel when he said that! But then he always does spot when I'm upset about something and often knows what to do about it. I've got to be a little more obvious with Jack, but I wouldn't have him any other way.

Colonel Jameson has been transferred out of the SGC. Officially, he was simply reassigned. Unofficially, he's the source of the leak that allowed my dad to know about the situation between Jack and me, and he was given the choice between a formal investigation or transfer. I've got to say that no one seems at all upset.

I'm in the lab, working on something SG-5 brought back from a recent mission, when I hear the alarm sound. SG-1 is off world with several other teams, and they're supposed to be evacuating a village that's under Goa'uld attack. Medical teams have already gone through, and I've been on the edge of my seat waiting for the gate to activate. I was in the control room, but was ordered to leave on the grounds that the baby didn't need me to be so tense. As if being in my lab makes me less tense. With the alarm goes my resolve not to get in the way. I rush towards the gate room, to a scene where it's instantly obvious that even my field training will be useful.

Jack comes through the gate as I arrive, a man over his shoulder. There's no gurney available, and the medics are all busy, so he puts him down on the floor. I rush to him, desperately hoping that the blood on Jack's clothes isn't his. I kneel beside him and he squeezes my hand in reassurance before standing to demand help for the man. I automatically feel for a pulse, and find none. I lean over to see if I can feel him breathing, and the next thing I feel is a sharp pain in my throat. I'm dazed, not sure what's happening. I come back to myself quickly, and stand to tell Jack that there's no point in getting a medic, when I'm gripped by a stomach cramp that would put monthly cramps to shame. And then … there's nothing.

I waken to Jack's face. I open my eyes slowly, focussing on his eyes.

"Hey," I manage.

"Sam. How ya doing?"

I think about that. I'm not sure what happened, and I say so.

"We were bringing in the refugees, and you doubled over and passed out. Janet did some tests, and it looks like everything's settled down, but she's worried that you were threatening to miscarry."

"But everything's ok now?"

"According to the doc." He strokes my face with his finger, and I close my eyes to concentrate on the sensation.

"Hey, Sam," Janet says, approaching the bed. "You gave us a scare."

"Sorry," I mumble.

"So, did has Jack told you what happened?"

"I was on the verge of miscarrying, but it's settled down now."

"In the simplest terms, yes. Beyond that, apart from the fact that your throat seems a little raw, I have no idea what caused it. So, I'd like you to rest for a few days – at least until I'm sure it's not going to happen again."

"Rest?"

"Yes, Sam. And I mean it. Bed rest. I'd keep you here, but as you can see, I need the beds. I don't want you to be at home either, in case there's a repeat. I've arranged a bed for you at the Academy hospital."

"But …"

"I know. You'll be bored, and you can't even take your laptop because the staff there don't have sufficient clearance. But this is important."

"I know, Janet."

Jack squeezes my hand again. "Sorry, Sam."

"Hey, it's not your fault."

"Well, it sort of is …"

"No. That … is our fault, if we're assigning blame. So, did the refugee survive?"

"No. By the time I got someone to look at him, he was dead."

I nod. "I didn't get a pulse when I checked. The last thing I remember was leaning over to see if he was breathing."

"Sam, there was blood on your lip, but no visible injury. Do you have any ideas?"

I shake my head. "Jack, you were pretty covered when you came through the gate – maybe I picked something up from you."

"Ok, look," Janet interrupts. "I'll leave you two for now. It'll be a while until there's an ambulance free to take you over. Call me if there's any change."

"I will, Doc.," Jack promises.

Jack closes his eyes for a second before looking closely at me.

"You sure you're ok?"

"Yeah. A little disorientated, but ok."

He sighs deeply. I really scared him, but he's not going to admit it.

"It's fine," I try to reassure him.

"Yeah, I know. It's just … things are so good, I keep waiting for … whatever's going to ruin it."

"Nothing's going to ruin it," I promise.

It's late that day when I'm finally transferred. Hammond needs Jack at the SGC, so I'm left alone in a private room, bored beyond words. Even sleeping without Jack is becoming increasingly difficult, despite it being a reasonably regular occurrence when he's off world.

Next day, after Janet's checked me over again, she offers to let Cassie come and spend time with me. She's been spending time in her Mom's office while she works.

Cassie's the best surprise we had when we got back. She's the only survivor of a whole planet, and she was supposed to be a Trojan Horse – designed to destroy the gate, but … she didn't. Janet's adopted her, and she's very fond of Daniel, attaching herself to him from the beginning. And he definitely didn't disappoint her when he insisted on staying with her when everyone expected her to explode. She's a good kid, and Jack's been spoiling her since we got back. I'm looking forward to her visit.

She comes in and immediately climbs up on the bed next to me to give me a hug, but before I can hug her back, she shrinks back, running from the room. I've got no idea what happened until over an hour later when Jack arrives. He looks worried.

"Hey, Sam. How's things?"

"Ok. But something's up with Cassie."

"I know."

"What? What is it?"

"Look, it's nothing, but we're going to have to do a quick test. That ok?"

"Test? What sort of test?"

"An ultrasound."

"But … why? Is it the baby?"

"Cassie sensed something – she thinks you're been taken over by a Goa'uld."

"What? No!"

"That's what I said, but …"

"Ok. Let's do it. We'll prove it's nonsense. Then can we go home?"

"Sure. I'll tell Hammond I need a few days."

"You can't, Jack. You're needed to help with the relocation. Just … let's get this over with. Ok?"

I know immediately that there's something wrong, but I don't believe them until they show me the scan, the parasite clearly outlined, spiralling around my upper spine. Jack's looking broken. I remember how he was when Kawalsky got infested, but that was different. Then the Goa'uld was controlling his actions. I'm still me.

Janet goes to report to General Hammond.

"Jack, I'm me. You know that, don't you?"

"I know, Sam. And we'll get it out of you. I promise …"

"Didn't work so well with Kawalsky."

For an instant, I wish I hadn't said that, but then I realise I'd only voiced what he was thinking. He's got my near hand clasped between both of his, but when Janet reappears a moment later, she's flanked by a security team.

"General Hammond has ordered that you be returned to the SGC under guard," she informs me.

"I'll be with her," Jack offers. "We don't need anyone else."

"I'm sorry, Sir," Janet counters. "But General Hammond specifically said that while you can accompany Sam back, the armed guard was not negotiable."

"But you said she needs rest."

"She does, but as long as the journey is short and smooth, I don't believe it'll cause harm to either her or the baby."

It's a nightmare. How can I have a Goa'uld in me? It doesn't make any sense at all. And I'm not aware of it. Kawalsky's Goa'uld wasn't mature enough to be in control the whole time at first, but it still made its presence known. I've felt nothing. Apart from in the gateroom, I haven't even had any blackouts.

I remember Kawalsky. I know that he wanted to die rather than be controlled. If that's what I've got to look forward to, could I wish for death, knowing what that would do to Jack and to our unborn child?


	2. Chapter 2

The image on the screen turns me to stone. It's happening again. First I lose my best friend and now … God, I can't lose Sam too. But I'm helpless. With Kawalsky, all I could do was kill him. If I have to do that to Sam and the baby, the next thing I'll do is kill myself.

The cell she's assigned to is standard. Bars, a basic cot and extra electronic security as well as the ever-present cameras. I'm forced to stay the other side of the bars. As soon as the cell door closes, Sam seems to close up too. She withdraws into herself, lying on the cot, everything about her body language making her isolation obvious.

"Sam," I plead. "We'll get it out of you. I swear we will. Just … please, let me know it's still you."

"It's me, Jack, but I can't expect anyone to believe that. We believed Kawalsky at first, but in the end, the Goa'uld took over. Sooner or later, that's what's going to happen to me. It's probably better if you're not here to see that. I … couldn't bear it if I hurt you."

There's a sob in her voice as she finishes, and I want to touch her so much it hurts. I'm interrupted by the door behind me opening and Teal'c coming in.

"General Hammond requests your presence," he informs me.

"I'm not leaving her," I tell him.

"You may return later, but General Hammond insists on your presence now. He wishes to discuss how to deal with Captain Carter's situation. If you wish, I will remain with her."

I think about it for a moment. I know I've got to go, …

"Wait. Where's Daniel? He could stay. I think we might need you – you're the earth's expert on the Goa'uld."

"I will find Daniel Jackson and return momentarily."

I get up and approach the bars. "We'll find a way through this, Sam. I swear we will."

"Go, Jack. Just promise me one thing."

"What?"

"Promise me that you won't let anyone experiment on me; that you'll kill me first."

"God, Sam, I promise that no one will touch you while I draw breath, but don't ask me to kill you."

"Promise me, Jack."

And I know I'll do it, even if it kills me. If I know there's no way round it, I'll kill her, and … I push the thought away. It won't come to that. It can't.

The meeting has the usual suspects – General Hammond, Teal'c, Doc. Fraiser … and me. Daniel would be here too, but I left him with Sam. As I take my seat, the General turns to the doc. and asks for her input.

"Captain Carter appears to be in good health. Apart from the incident earlier today, the baby appears to be well too. Thus far, there have been no further black outs or behaviour to suggest that the Goa'uld is in control."

"And you are certain that there is a Goa'uld?"

"Yes, Sir. It was quite clear on the ultrasound, and I was able to measure its brain activity. It appeared to be … asleep."

"Can you hazard a guess as to its level of maturity?"

"It's certainly more mature than the one carried by Teal'c, but beyond that, I just don't have any experience to allow me to come to a conclusion."

I let the words wash over me. I'm listening, but until I hear of some way to get that damn thing out of her, nothing else seems important.

The general thanks Janet for her summary and turns to Teal'c.

"Teal'c, from your experience, can you explain why the Goa'uld would be sleeping?"

"I cannot. If it rests, it cannot exert control over its host, and if it cannot exert control, I do not see the point of taking a host."

The one thing that hasn't been mentioned specifically so far hits me.

"Teal'c, can Goa'uld hosts get pregnant?"

He looks at me in surprise.

"It is forbidden."

"Forbidden? What? Why?"

"A Goa'uld in a male host is certainly capable of impregnating a human woman. Some use that route to provide themselves and their Goa'uld offspring with hosts. I have never known a Goa'uld with a female host to be with child, and the mating of two hosts is forbidden."

"But, if it's forbidden, then it's got to be possible …" I point out.

Teal'c inclines his head to indicate that I'm right.

"So, if it's possible, and Goa'uld with female hosts don't have kids, then maybe there's something about human pregnancy that … affects the Goa'uld …" Janet suggests, then shakes her head. "Or … that affects the pregnancy or … causes miscarriage."

"You think that's why she had that incident this morning?" I demand.

"It fits. The gateroom this morning is the most likely place for Sam to be infected. She had severe cramps that I'm pretty sure were the precursor of a miscarriage. And then it stopped."

"But why would it stop?"

"The Goa'uld was in a dead or dying host. It would have had no way to ascertain that Sam was pregnant until it had taken her as a host. What if … sleeping is the only way the Goa'uld could prevent miscarriage?"

"Look, Doc., I'm pleased as anyone that Sam didn't miscarry," I tell her. "But are you suggesting that a Goa'uld just gave up the chance to control its host by going to sleep so it wouldn't kill an unborn child? 'Cos that's so not the Goa'uld I know."

"You're right, Jack," Hammond agrees. "That would not be typical behaviour. Teal'c, anything you can add?"

"There is not."

Hammond's phone rings then, and we sit while he answers. When he puts the phone down, his face if bleak.

"There's been a security incident at the Academy hospital. One badly burned man apparently got up and walked away, and a doctor has been injured. It looks like the Goa'uld in Sam might not be the only one. Doctor, I need every single evacuee checked out for the presence of a Goa'uld – you go over to the academy to ensure it's done. Teal'c, Jack, I want you both there to oversee the effort. I'll get a team to do the same for those patients still at the SGC."

"But Sir, …" I protest. I need to get back to Sam.

"I'm sorry, Jack. I know you feel you're needed here, but if we can find the other one, maybe we'll get some answers. You two are our Goa'uld experts, and I need you there."

Crap. He's right, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

"Permission to go and tell Sam what's happening."

"Denied. We cannot risk any further security breaches."

"But Sir, she'll think we've abandoned her."

"I know that, Son, but I don't believe we've got any alternative."

I know he's right. I know it, but … I'd give anything to be able to tell her what I'm doing and why I can't be with her now.


	3. Chapter 3

Daniel's called away for a few moments. When he comes back, it's just to say 'goodbye'.

"What? Daniel, what happened? Is Jack ok?"

"Jack's fine. I'm sorry, Sam, but I've got to go."

"Why?"

"I can't tell you. You must understand that."

"But I'm me!"

"I know, Sam, but you're not just you. Just … know that we're trying to find a way to get it out of you. All of us."

"I want to see Jack." I know it makes me sound weak, but I don't care any more. I need to see him.

"I'll tell him," Daniel promises as he walks away. His place is taken by someone whose face I don't recognise, some anonymous security officer who doesn't even look at me, and I know there're others on the other side of the door.

I lie on the cot and try to sleep. My hand strays to my stomach, just barely curving outward now, just enough that I know it's there. Except Jack spotted it too. I remember his excitement at the first visual sign of the pregnancy. Seeing the pure happiness on his face made me feel so good – like I'd done something wonderful.

I don't know long it is before General Hammond appears; I've dozed a few times despite the anxiety. I stand to greet him, years of military discipline ensuring I can't continue to lie down in his presence.

"Captain," he greets me.

"Sir," I manage before I'm hit by a wave of agony.

I'm lying on the ground and the room outside my cell is full of security officers when I open my eyes. Various weapons are trained on me as General Hammond opens the cell to come to me.

"Sir, what happened?"

"What do you remember?"

"Cramp – like in the Gateroom. And then … nothing. What happened?"

"The Goa'uld claimed to be Jolinar of Malkshur. He demanded that we allow you both through the Stargate, promising that he would leave you once he'd found a new host. He claimed you were in danger."

"What?"

"Just that. Then you collapsed. A med. team's on its way."

I mentally check myself over. I think I'm ok – the cramp seems to have gone, although there's a residual ache and I feel like I banged my head.

The doctor who arrives isn't Janet. I don't recognise him – something that's happened regularly since our return. It's only after a prolonged absence that the turnover of staff at the SGC becomes obvious. He looks nervous, eyes flicking to the various weapons pointed my way. A gurney follows him in, and two orderlies pick me up and deposit me on it, attaching restraints to my arms and legs before moving away to allow the doctor to do some basic checks.

"Seems ok," is his initial conclusion. "But I'll need some privacy to complete my examination."

"Very well. Take Captain Carter to Isolation Room 1. And get some female officers to provide security. Let the Captain retain a bit of dignity."

I'm grateful for that at least. When the more detailed examination is complete, the doctor tells me nothing. I'm scared and angry, and I start yelling – yelling for Jack or even Teal'c or Daniel. I'm desperate to see a face I can trust, or maybe that should be a face who trusts me. If I can't persuade them that I'm me, that trust is gone, maybe forever, and that possibility is almost more frightening than anything else.

A short while later, Janet appears. I'm so pleased to see her I could cry.

"What's going on? No one'll tell me anything. And I'm scared. I've got a Goa'uld in my head, and I'm scared for me and for the baby."

"Ok, Sam, I'll tell you what I can. The Goa'uld seems to have taken control for a few seconds. It coincided exactly with the cramps you experienced, adding weight to my theory that the Goa'uld is responsible for what happened in the Gateroom too. Whenever we've checked it out, like right now, the Goa'uld's asleep. I think that when it's not, it's threatening the pregnancy somehow."

"Why? Why would a Goa'uld care about my baby?"

"That, I don't know. But, from what it said during your last incident, it's claiming to be a Tok'ra – a group that Teal'c says are the enemies of the System Lords. It also said that you're in danger somehow. General Hammond's increased the security, though. No one can get to you."

"Where's Jack?"

"He's on his way back."

I close my eyes in relief.

It still takes twenty minutes before I see him. He rushes to my side, his face a mixture of outrage and compassion. General Hammond's behind him.

"Get those restraints off her," he yells, but Hammond's hand on his arm stops him.

"I'm sorry, Jack, but the restraints are there on my order. The only way they're coming off is if she's back in a cell, and there, there won't be any medical treatment immediately available."

He shrugs off Hammond's hand, completing the rush to my side.

"I'm sorry, Sam. So sorry."

"What's happening? Janet said something about the Tok'ra?"

"Yeah, I heard. Teal'c says he's heard of them, but it doesn't fit. These Tok'ra aren't supposed to take hosts against their will. So, it's not one of them – if they even exist."

"Then why's it sleeping? Why does it care about our baby?"

"It doesn't. I don't understand any of this, but I'm sure about that."

"So, what do we do?"

"I don't know, Sam. I really don't know."

He's holding my hand, his other hand stroking my hair. There's silence because neither of us has anything to say. My mind's trying to think of a way through this – that's my job. But I need help this time. I know Janet's consulting with anyone she thinks can help and who has clearance, but I know we're facing the very real possibility that we're not going to make it.

Some time later, Jack gets called away again. He doesn't want to go, but he's given no choice. Shortly after that, someone I've never seen before makes his way into the room. I assume it's yet another doctor at first, until I glimpse the dead or unconscious airman in the doorway.

"Kree shak, Jolinar. By decree of the Goa'uld System Lords you will die with dishonour by the power of the Hara'kash."

About all I get out of that is the word 'die', and that's followed by him lifting his hand. And then there's pain, searing, burning, an agony that filters from my head down to encompass the rest of me. The only other thing I feel is the tell-tale slither of liquid between my legs.


	4. Chapter 4

I got called away from Sam because of a report that one of the drivers who'd been going between the academy and the SGC had blacked out. I was on my way to interview him when the alarm from the infirmary went up. By the time I get there, the room's already full of medics.

I rush forwards, desperate to see her, but she's too surrounded. I don't need to ask to know it's bad. There's blood, and I catch a glimpse of her face which is deathly pale. I watch, terrified, as the team works, aware when Teal'c arrives, his presence at my side meant to comfort me. Like anything could do that.

I try to concentrate on what's happening.

"Pulse is erratic," one of the team says.

"We've isolated the EEG signals," someone informs Janet.

Moments later, someone tells us that the parasite is getting weaker.

The alarm sounds, along with an announcement. "Security alert, intruder in the embarkation room, code red!"

Teal'c turns to me, and I nod, telling him to go. I'm not leaving Sam again.

"Parasite energy level is still falling."

I can hear the monitor beeping in time with Sam's heart, but I know it's getting weaker, faltering. When I hear the flat line tone, there's a sob that I know comes from me.

"The parasite is dead," Fraiser announces. She glances at me. "Try another milligram of epi., then prepare for de-fib."

There's a flurry of activity, and suddenly, I hear words I understand but don't quite believe.

"She's out of de-fib!"

I look at Fraiser, and a moment later, she turns to me. "She's got a pulse!"

Belief begins to dawn. Fraiser's smiling, grinning, and then she's hugging me, bringing me closer to the bed so I can see for myself. The pulse is getting stronger – it doesn't take a doctor to hear that. She beat the damn thing!

Leaving her staff to deal with Sam, she takes me a few steps away.

"She lost the baby, Jack. There was nothing we could do."

"But she's going to be ok?"

"As far as I can tell. The parasite's dead. I … need to make sure the miscarriage is complete, but as far as I can tell …"

"Thanks, Doc."

"It'll take a little while to get everything dealt with. And I'm going to move her into a private room. Give it … half an hour, and come back. I'll know better then what's happening."

I don't want to leave, but it's obvious Janet wants me to go.

"I'm staying close."

"Ok. Look, go to my office and wait there. We'll be moving her in a minute."

I follow them into the infirmary, only leaving her when the door to her room is closed.

Teal'c appears a short while later.

"How is Captain Carter?"

"Alive. But she lost the baby."

"I am saddened to hear that."

"So am I, Buddy. But … she's alive. She beat the damn Goa'uld."

"I killed the Ashrak – the assassin sent to kill Jolinar of Malkshur."

"Thanks, T. Saved me a job."

He nods that way he does.

Sam has to have surgery to remove the last remnants of the pregnancy, and I'm with her when she comes round. Janet offered to tell her about the baby, but I refused.

I can't help smiling when she finally opens her eyes.

"You did it, Sam. You won."

She shakes her head, even that effort almost more than she can manage.

"It wasn't me."

"Oh, yes it was. You hung in there, you beat it."  
"The Goa'uld gave its life for me. It saved me. It just couldn't save the baby."

"No, Sam. That damn snake killed our baby and tried to kill you."

Another tiny shake of the head. "Its last thought was sorrow that the baby was gone. It said there was nothing it could do, that once the assassin attacked, its only option was to remain conscious to try to save me. If he hadn't, I'd be dead too."

I shake my head now. There's no way I want to hear this. That damn snake just …

"It was a boy."

"What?"

"The baby was a boy. Jolinar told me."

She cries then, and I join her. The nurse who's been hovering, waiting for her to waken seems to leak away, leaving us to our shared misery.

Doc. insists on sedating Sam after that, and chases me out of the infirmary. I'm beyond exhausted, but I'm not going home. I grab a bunk on the base, but I don't sleep much. Sure, I was offered a sedative too, but I refused. Thing about those is that you get some respite and then it just hits you again when you wake up.

Lying, tossing in my bed, missing Sam, I'm torn. Torn between relief that Sam's ok and misery that we'll never see our son. I think back to the evacuation. If only I hadn't brought him back. All the medics were busy or had already gone through the gate. I knew he was close to death when I picked him up, but I did it anyway. I should have left him. I should have left him to die on that goddamned planet. I punch the pillow. See. It's a simple decision at the time. It doesn't seem like a big deal, but someone ends up paying for it. Last time, it was Charlie paying for my wrong decision; this time it was … he doesn't even have a name.

At 0300, I get up, pull on some clothes and go down to the infirmary. Sam's sleeping, and I just pull up a chair and watch. I don't know if I can do this. Last time … after Charlie … I couldn't. This time, it's not an equal burden. Sure, we've lost our son, but Sam's got to cope with whatever that snake did to her head too. I want to be there for her, but I don't know if I'm strong enough.

JJJJJ

Doc. releases Sam next morning, telling her to go home and rest. She's got an appointment with the base shrink in a couple of days, and I've got a few days leave to look after her. At least, that's my plan. She insists on going to her house rather than mine. That's a surprise, given that we've all but lived at mine since we've been back. I don't know what to make of it, but I decide to just accept that she needs familiar things just now.

I take her inside and get her tucked into bed, then go to let Daniel in – he went to get some groceries. Sure, there's some stuff at my place, but nothing here beyond some cans that date back to before our detour. He doesn't wait, knowing that Sam needs peace to recover. I throw together a simple meal and take it to her on a tray. I sit on a chair close to the bed to eat, but she's just picking at hers. When I've finished, I reckon she's had the equivalent of one forkful.

"You've got to eat," I say softly.

"Not hungry."

I sigh, not wanting to upset her. Sure, a couple of days without food won't hurt her.

"You want one of those sedatives Janet gave you?"

She shakes her head then stops.

"Leave them here with some water. I'll try to sleep without them, but …"

"Ok," I agree, taking one dose out of the bottle and placing them beside the bed.

She glares at me.

"What?"

"You don't trust me with the bottle."

"What? No!"

"Then leave the bottle."

"I will," I tell her. "Just … in the kitchen. Look, I've been there. You take those things and wake later and you're confused, can't remember whether you've taken them."

She glares at me again, but I'm not backing down on this. I go to put the bottle in the kitchen and then to brush my teeth before going into her bedroom. I start to undress, but she stops me.

"No, Jack. Please. Go home."

I feel like she just punched me in the gut. The only thing that's kept me going today is the thought of holding her tonight. I pull my t-shirt back down and steel myself to speak.

"Why?"

"Because I … don't want you here. Because … I want – need – to be alone."

I take a deep breath. If that's what she wants …

"I'm not going home, but I'll sleep on the sofa," I offer.

"You'll be more comfortable at home."

"Listen, Sam. There's no way Doc. would've let you home if she thought you were going to be alone. So I'm staying."

"You can make up a bed in the spare room," she offers after a moment.

I nod my acceptance.

When I check on her half an hour later, she seems to be asleep, although the pills are still on the nightstand. I listen for a moment, trying to work out if she's really asleep or not, then give up. Even if she's pretending, she's making it clear she doesn't want my company.

I pull back the covers on the spare bed and climb in. I'm beyond tired, but so tense, I doubt I'll be able to sleep. I even consider going and taking a couple of Sam's sedatives, but if I do, I won't hear her if she needs me in the night. I turn onto my side, pulling a pillow into my arms. It's not her, but it's the best I'm going to get for now. It's not that I want to make love to her … well, I do, but that's kind of a given … and I know that Janet will have vetoed that for a while anyway. And even if she hadn't, I know it'll be a while before she's ready; it's just that I need to hold her so damn much. I nearly lost her, and the loss of our son has just reopened all the pain from Charlie's death. I don't like needing someone; I've spent a lot of effort in the last couple of years avoiding it. But right now, I need Sam more than I can ever remember needing anyone. I push the feeling away, allowing the space to be filled with anger. Anger at the Goa'uld in general and Jolinar in particular. He did this to me – to us. And while Jolinar might be dead, there's a whole galaxy full of the snakes, and I'm going to do my best to wipe out every last one of them.


	5. Chapter 5

I feel empty. I've heard people say that before, and I thought I knew what it meant. I thought I felt empty when my mom died. But this … I was only conscious of Jolinar's presence for a short while, but during that time, he gave me flashes of memories that I can't possibly make sense of. While he was dying, he tried to comfort me, telling me that he was doing his best to save me and regretting the loss of my baby. And there's the other part of the loss. When I first realised I was pregnant, light years from home and after a difficult time during which I nearly lost Jack, I was terrified. But once Jack knew, his support changed everything. In minutes, the baby was no longer a source of fear, but of joy, someone to be cherished and loved. Jack's feelings were so obvious, his joy without reservation. Once we got back to Earth, I know that Jack felt the baby was his second chance at fatherhood, a sign from somewhere that he had been forgiven for Charlie's death. I don't understand what he thought he had to be forgiven for, but that's not important. For the first time, I really think he was on the verge of forgiving himself.

When Janet agrees that I can go home, Jack assumes we're going to his house. The prospect of going there, where we were making plans for the baby, where there are even a few outfits I couldn't resist, … I can't. I can't face the contrast with how happy we were the last time we were there. So I ask to go to my house – a place barely even opened up since we got back. And at first, I think I can cope with it. Right up until Jack starts to undress for bed, and then I freeze. I want him to hold me, to comfort me, but I know my body will betray me and that I'll want more. And the thought of taking pleasure like that … I can't. I can't afford to have Jack near me. I can't afford the risk that I'll put myself in a position to feel like this again. And I'm too much of a coward to explain to him how I feel, knowing that it's going to hurt him. I tell him to go home, but he refuses, using Janet as his excuse, so I give in.

I hear him moving around, taking sheets from the closet and making up the spare bed, and then the shower runs for a few moments. I hear him turning the handle of my bedroom door and I feign sleep, not wanting to have to talk to him. I just don't have the strength for a confrontation, and I don't see how it could be anything else.

He leaves, and I know he's gone to bed too. I'm tired – too tired. I don't want to take the pills, but … I probably should. I make up my mind to give myself an hour, and if I'm not asleep by then, I'll take them.

As I lie there, I can hear Jack. The old bed in the spare room is creaky, and he's restless. I know he's hurting as much as I am, and I want to comfort him, but I can't face the consequences of doing that. As the hour ends and I sit up to take the meds, I make up my mind to make sure Jack goes home tomorrow. I need him out of my sight for a while – at least until I can get my head straight.

The next morning, my plans are helped by an unexpected call from the base. Hammond wants Jack to come in, offering Daniel as stand-in babysitter. I insist I don't need anyone, but they don't listen. And since they don't, I decide to get Daniel's help.

I'm sitting on the sofa, my feet up and a blanket tucked round me. Jack insisted, and it was easier to just do it than argue. He kissed me on the cheek before he left, and I couldn't stop myself from flinching.

"So, how're you doing?" Daniel asks once we're alone.

"Ok," I tell him automatically.

"You're a lot of things, Sam, but you're not ok. And neither is Jack. Hammond was furious that he had to get Jack in today, but you know what the Air Force is like – they wanted Jack for some meeting, and that was it."

"It's fine, Daniel. Really. I'm … glad. In fact, I wanted to ask you to help."

"Sure. Anything, Sam."

"Persuade Jack to go to his place tonight."

"What?"

"You heard me."

"Yeah, but I don't believe you just said that."

"I …need some time. Alone."

"Janet didn't want you to be alone, not for a couple of days."

"So, could you stay? There's the spare room – Jack made it up last night."

"I could, but I don't think I should."

"Why not?"

"Because you two need each other. Jack's … he's barely holding on, and I know you're not doing any better."

"I know. I know Jack needs me, but … it's too soon. I need to work out how I feel about things."

"You love Jack, and he loves you."

"And that's the problem."

"I don't see how that's a problem."

"It is. Look. I don't know who I am just now. I keep getting these … flashes. And Jack instigates a lot of them. When he came to go to bed last night, I saw this face – like from a horror movie – and I remembered him touching me, but he revolted me. But it's not my memory. And then, when Jack looks at me, and I know he loves me, there's this other face – pale, pale blue-grey eyes – looking back at me and loving me too, but I don't know who it is."

"You need to talk to someone about this, Sam."

"And I will. I've got to see MacKenzie anyway. But there's more."

"More?"

"Jack was so excited about the baby. He wanted him so much."

"I thought you did too."

"I … did. But now, I don't think I can do this again. It wouldn't be fair. The job I do – even if I'm not going off world – it's too dangerous, and I don't want to give it up completely. I could deal with being at the SGC, with not being on a team. I really could. And I was even thinking about asking General Hammond to make the assignment permanent, for after the baby. But even that's too dangerous. And I don't want to give it up – not completely."

"And what does that have to do with Jack going home?"

"Don't you see? He … he needs to find someone else. Someone who'll give him what he wants … what he needs."

"And what if what he needs is you?"

"It won't last. Once he realises that I don't want to get pregnant again right away – or maybe ever – he'll … he'll accept it at first, but then he'll resent me. And everything hurts, and I just want all the hurt over now."

He shakes his head then sighs deeply.

"Look, I'll get Jack to go home tonight. I'll stay here, but only if you promise that you'll tell Jack at least some of how you're feeling. Not now. I get that it's too painful now. But … in a few days. Promise me."

"Ok," I agree, relieved beyond belief. At least I'll have a few days to either get my feelings under control or get out of it.

By the time Jack gets back, I'm tucked up in bed and pretending to sleep. Teal'c came with Jack – Daniel called him because he didn't want Jack to be on his own either. Daniel's trying to explain that I want him to go home, and Jack's yelling at first. The noise doesn't last – Jack suddenly goes very quiet, and I know that anger's given way to pain. I don't want to hurt him – I really don't. I just want to stop hurting – for both of us to stop hurting.


	6. Chapter 6

Hammond ordered me into the base this morning for a meeting with some brass from the Pentagon. They hadn't given any notice of their visit, and they insisted I had to be present, so it's not like Hammond had any choice. I didn't hold back when I told him just what I thought about their timing. It's mid-afternoon before they've finished with me. And I still don't know why it was so important that I see them. Sometimes I think they just like to push people around because they can. And maybe if I was a desk jockey, I'd need something to make me feel important.

Hammond and I are just doing a wrap-up session when the alarm goes off. No teams are due back, so we both walk down to the control room.

"Master Bra'tac's IDC," the tech. informs us.

"Open the iris," Hammond orders, and both of us go down to the Gateroom.

Bra'tac comes down the ramp, looking for Teal'c, I assume. He arrives just a moment later. After the two Jaffa greet one another, Bra'tac greets Hammond and then turns to me.

"I wished to speak to you and Captain Carter," he informs me.

"Well, Sam's at home. She's … not well."

"I see."

"Let's take this to the Briefing Room," Hammond suggests.

Once we're seated, Bra'tac begins.

"Has Captain Carter been injured?" he asks.

"In a manner of speaking," I answer. I don't know this Jaffa, and I don't feel inclined to tell him too much.

"But she will recover?"

"I'm sure she will."

"Good. I must ask you then to give her the news. Char'ak has been able to reunite the twins with their parents. He has hidden them on yet another planet within Apophis' territory – one which we hope will not soon be overrun by another of the System Lords."

"Good news," I say, but that's not what I'm thinking. What I'm thinking is that we'll probably never see them again, and after everything else, it just makes the landscape that much bleaker.

"How about Carys and Evan? How're they doing?"

"I understand from Char'ak that the local population was so incensed at the actions of he who betrayed you, that they have banded together to aid them. They asked that you not worry for them."

It's good news, but I'm not completely convinced. I'd feel happier if I could see for myself.

Bra'tac then goes on to provide an update on what's been happening to Apophis' territory, before taking his leave. I look at my watch. 1520. I didn't want to be away from Sam for this long.

As I go to change, ready to leave the mountain, I'm approached by Teal'c.

"You are going to Captain Carter's home?"

"Yeah. I left Danny with her, but …"

"I would wish to see Captain Carter. If I go with you, Daniel Jackson can bring me back later."

"I'm not sure she's up to visitors."

"I understand, and I will not stay long."

Within minutes of getting back, it's obvious that Daniel asked Teal'c to come with me. Sam's apparently asleep, and Daniel tells me she doesn't want to see me.

"What do you mean she doesn't want to see me?"

"Look, Jack, leave it for now. She's asked me to stay with her. She wants you to go home tonight – Teal'c'll stay with you."

"This doesn't make sense!"

"I agree, Jack. It doesn't make sense to me either, but it makes sense to Sam. She just needs some time. She's been through a traumatic experience, and on top of that, she's lost the baby. She's getting flashes of memory that aren't hers, and she's confused. She said that every time she looks at you, she sees someone else, and she needs time to sort through it all. I … made her promise to talk to you in a few days. I'm sorry, Jack, but that's the best I can do."

I can't believe what he's saying. She's just dismissing me like that? I turn to go to her bedroom and have it out with her, but Teal'c's in my path. He's about the only person I know that I can't just push out of the way, and he knows it. He doesn't speak, but I'm pretty sure I see sympathy in his eyes.

"Teal'c," I say, sounding way too much like I'm pleading.

"O'Neill, it would be best to go home."

I know what he means, but he's missed the point. Home is Sam.

I give up.

"Tell her I'll see her soon," I offer to Daniel. Then I add, "Take care of her."

"You know I will," he answers.

I turn and walk out of the house. Teal'c's following.

"I'll drop you back at the base," I grind out.

"On the contrary, I will accompany you home."

"Teal'c, I don't need a babysitter."

"You are correct. However, I do not believe it wise for you to be alone at this time."

"Suit yourself. Just don't expect me to be good company."

He inclines his head the way he does, and gets into the passenger seat.

At home, I pour myself a scotch and get some beer from the fridge. I put on the TV, surfing through the channels, looking for something to take my mind off Sam. Not that I'm going to find anything. Teal'c just sits on the sofa silently.

I can't believe it. And I don't understand. After everything that's happened, she was the one constant in my life – the one person I could rely on. And now, when I need her more than ever – when she must surely need me – she doesn't want to see me. And then it dawns on me. The obvious reason she's pushing me away. It's Jolinar. He's done something to her – poisoned her mind against me. And when I realise that, I know exactly what I to do. I take a single swig of beer, and push the untouched scotch away. I stand and pull on my jacket.

"I'm going to talk to Doc. Fraiser."

"Are you unwell?"

"I'm fine, Teal'c. It's Sam. Jolinar's done … something to her. She wouldn't be shutting me out if he hadn't. I've got to …"

"I do not believe this is wise. Do you not think that Daniel Jackson would have contacted Dr. Fraiser if he believed she had been compromised in some way?"

"Maybe, but he … doesn't know Sam the way I do."

He inclines his head. "I will accompany you."

That at least is good news. With any luck, I'll be able to ditch him at the base.

I catch Fraiser in the infirmary, and ask to have a word in her office.

"What's this about, Colonel?"

"Sam. There's something wrong."

"Then why didn't you call or bring her here?" she demands, getting out of her chair.

"Because she doesn't realise. She … she doesn't want to talk to me. She's at her house, …"

"You left her alone?"

"No. Daniel's with her. She just … didn't want me there. It doesn't make sense. Jolinar did something to her – I don't know what, but he did."

"Why would you think that? Colonel, I can see how you're hurt. But it's not unheard of for a woman who's lost a baby to just withdraw. In some respects, she's going to be blaming you for the pain she's feeling – it's not rational, but with the sudden hormonal changes her body's experiencing, you can't expect rational. And that's without the added trauma of Jolinar. I don't know what that might add to the mix. Do you think she's a danger to herself?"

"What? No. I don't think so. She … agreed for Daniel to stay with her."

"Good. Look, she's got an appointment with Dr. MacKenzie tomorrow. I'll brief him before he sees her."

Her expression softens.

"Look, Colonel, I know you're worried. To be honest, I am too, but if there's one thing I know about Sam, it's that she's strong. She'll get through this if anyone can."

"That's what scares me. We don't know if anyone can."

"Tell you what … I'll arrange for Cassie to come in after school tomorrow. That might cheer her up a bit."

"It might," I agree. "But … there's something she needs to know, and I forgot to tell her."

"What?"

"The twins. Char'ak got them back to their parents. It looks like they're not coming to Earth after all."

"Do you think Sam will see this as another loss?"

"It's … how I see it. I mean, I'm glad for them, but …"

"So, don't tell her yet."

"Ok. Daniel made Sam promise to see me in a few days."

"That's good. Maybe, if she's had a chance to talk things out by then – with Dr. MacKenzie – she'll be ready for that. But if she isn't, then I don't think he'll advise forcing her, promise or not."

"But …"

"I'm sorry, but Sam is the priority, and if medical opinion is that she shouldn't be forced to see you, then you'll have to wait."

I get up. I feel a little better, but …

"Sir, if you want to talk to MacKenzie, I can set up an appointment."

"No. No thanks."

"Talk to someone then. Daniel maybe?"

I shrug. "I'm not much of a talker."

"It helps."

"Not sure how it can." The only person I want to talk to is Sam.

"You're due back the day after tomorrow. If that's too soon, I could …"

"No. The only reason I took leave was because I thought Sam needed me. As it is … I'd be better off here."

"If you're sure …"

"I am."

I leave the infirmary feeling very slightly better. At least if Sam's reaction makes some sort of sense to the Doc., it might mean that once she's over the initial trauma, once the hormones get back to normal …

On leave or not, I've always got reports that need writing, memos that need reading. And anything's better than my house with the evidence of Sam and the things we'd already bought for the baby. I guess I'll just stay here until she wants to see me.


	7. Chapter 7

It doesn't get any better. I'd hoped that once Jack was gone, once I was alone, that the faces would stop. They haven't. It's almost like … whatever I'm feeling, I get to remember something that caused the same emotions in Jolinar. So, the grey-blue-eyed man was – I suppose I should say – her lover? And that's why seeing Jack brought back his face. Although the other face – the one that's scarred and dirty, that's attached to a heavy, sweaty body, whose touch almost made my stomach rebel … who is he? Some nightmare? A rape? And yet, that's not how it seems. The revulsion's real, but it still seems like something she chose.

And there's the other thing. I've always been pretty much the 'good soldier'. It's how I was raised, as well as what I've devoted my life to. Duty … it's way more than a word. The SGC needs me. I know that with an absolute certainty that's not dimmed by months lost elsewhere. Looking at the mess they got into with the Gate programming, I reckon if we'd been just a couple of months later getting back, the whole system would have gone into meltdown. As it is, it's taken a lot of time since we've been back just trying to get things back to where they were when we left.

More than that, I've been reading mission reports. SG-1 wasn't the flagship team while we were gone – that much is obvious from the missions they were given. And it made sense at first – they had to build a new team. But it didn't happen, so they were given the run-of-the-mill missions that always made up some of our duties, but there was nothing else. And from what I can see, the missions Hammond would otherwise have sent his flagship team on, have been mothballed.

And if I'm needed at the SGC, on an SG team, then I need to shelve any plans for having a family … indefinitely. That causes mixed emotions. First, there's relief, because it's being pregnant and losing the baby that's responsible for my current misery. But there's also disappointment. Because the anticipation that we'd built up since we got back … I was so looking forward to being a mom. And I know Jack … his heart's breaking as much as mine. Maybe more. And I know he needs to get that back. He needs to be with someone who can give him children – who's not going to put her unborn child at risk because of her job.

SSSSS

The session with MacKenzie went pretty much as expected. I know I need help to get over the Jolinar thing, but I'm not sure he's the person to do it. It's not like he's got any experience of someone with memories from a hundred-or-more-year-old snake. But I've got to do it, if only because he's not going to sign me off as ready for duty until I've convinced him my head's not going to explode.

So now I'm in the infirmary waiting for Janet. I pulled the curtains around the bed just in case Jack hears I'm here. Not that the curtains'll stop him if he knows I'm here … it's just that I'm hoping he won't … realise.

She arrives and checks me over, asking questions about my physical reaction to the miscarriage. It's all business, and then her attitude changes.

"And how're you coping otherwise?"

"Ok," I lie.

"So, what's this I hear about you sending Jack away?"

"I had to."

"Look, Sam, I know this is hard. I don't know how hard because I don't think anyone has ever had to deal with so much at once, but I can't help thinking that you'd feel better if you and Jack could face it together."

"It's over, Janet."

"What? What's over?"

"Jack and me."

"Have you talked to him?"

"No. Not yet. I … think I'm going to see him later."

"Why, Sam? Look, I'm not a therapist, but it doesn't seem like a good idea to be making important decisions like this when your emotional state is in such upheaval. Leave it at least until you're on an even keel."

"That's just it, Janet. I don't think I'll ever be on that even keel until I've finished things with him. He's … part of the reason for the upheaval."

"Sam, has he done something? Said something?"

"No. Nothing like that. It's just … everything that happened just reminded me of some things I'd forgotten. Things like the fact that I'm needed here – not just at the SGC, but off world. And I can't do either if I'm pregnant, and I won't do it if I have a child. I lost my mom too young – I won't do it to my own child, and even being around the SGC is too risky. That, I know to my cost."

"Don't you think you can explain all this to Jack? Don't you think he'll understand?"

"He'll say he understands. I know he will. He might even believe it, but underneath, it'll only be a matter of time before he resents me. And then, he'll either grow to hate me, or he'll leave me for someone else."

"So, you're not going to give him the chance to leave you by leaving him first?"

Put like that, it does seem a little childish, but I just want to pull myself out of the hole I'm in, and get on with my life. If I can leave out a painful step or two along the way, then I'm for it.

"Sam, what if, in say, six months, once all this – the new memories, the trauma of losing the baby – has lost its sharp edge, you change your mind? Couples who suffer a miscarriage fall into two groups. Some just want to get pregnant again immediately, and some need to wait until the trauma dulls a little. What if that's all this is? I thought you loved Jack. Why would you want him out of your life?"

"I do love Jack. And that's why I've got to do this, don't you see? And I don't want him out of my life. I'm not naïve enough to think that I'll be able to work on SG-1 with him after this, but there're other teams."

"When are you due to see Jack?"

"When I go home."

"Do yourself a favour, Sam. Don't make it final. Just tell him you need time. He's miserable, and that's not what he's going to want to hear, but he'll understand."

"That's the problem, Janet. Whatever I tell him, he's going to try to understand. And I'm going to hurt him."


	8. Chapter 8

I can't believe how nervous I am. I park my truck outside Sam's. This is it. The promised talk. I'm not ready for it – don't think I'll ever be ready for it. The pain of losing the baby is still raw, and I know she's feeling it too. If it hadn't been for Jolinar … I shake my head as I approach the door. I've got to stop thinking about him – every time I do, I lose any shred of rationality I had.

She opens the door before I can knock. I follow her wordlessly into the living room and sit.

"Can I get you anything?" she asks.

I shake my head. All I want is to hold her.

"So, how're you doing?" I ask, once she sits down.

"Physically, I'm good. Janet's ok'ed me for duty around the base. MacKenzie still hasn't given me a time frame for going off world."

I nod, taking in what she's saying.

She reaches into the pocket of her jeans, pulling something out. She reaches out her palm to me, and on it is the ring I gave her when we bonded. My eyes go from it to her face.

"What's that?" I demand.

"I want you to take it back."

"No."

"Jack, please."

"No."

"It's over, Jack. I … need to go on with my life, to put this behind me."

"This … us … will never be over, Sam. I love you."

"Maybe you do now, but what happened – it's changed me. I'm not the person I was back then. I've got other priorities now – the SGC and the fight against the Goa'uld."

"You think that's not my priority? Destroying the rest of the Goa'uld in the universe seems like something we should be doing together."

"No, Jack. I … understand you're bitter …"

"Bitter? Of course I'm bitter. I brought that slimy snake through the gate, and it killed our son. And now … it's trying to take you from me."

"Jolinar saved my life. I'm getting memories – flashes of the Tok'ra. They might be the most important ally we could have against the Goa'uld. I'm going to try to find something in Jolinar's memories that'll let us contact them."

"You're going to try to contact, to ally Earth, with Goa'uld? They killed our son! They damn near killed you too!" My voice is getting louder, but I don't care.

"Jack, I knew this was a mistake. I should have just sent the ring to you. Please, just take it and go."

I snatch the ring from her hand and leave. I start the truck and drive to a spot I know where I'll be alone. I used to come here sometimes just to think – after Abydos but before Sam. It's peaceful, green. I punch the steering wheel hard with both hands, and drop my head lower, feeling the leather of the cover on my forehead. And then I feel the tell-tale moisture pooling in my eyes.

I know the mistakes I made last time. I drank too much, and I cut myself off. This time, it's going to be different. At least I've got a job where I know I'm needed. And at least there, I'll be able to see her. Because I'm a sap. She might not want me any more, but I don't think I can live without her in my life in some way.

JJJJJ

If Hammond knows what happened between Sam and me, he doesn't say anything when I go in next day. There's a mission without a team, and I tell Hammond that SG-1 will do it.

"I hoped you'd say that," he informs me. "But I've got a scientist for you."

That's all I need. I wanted a nice, easy mission, just Danny and Teal'c and me, and what do I get? Another scientist.

"Sir," I remonstrate.

"Sorry, Jack. I know you like to pick your own team, but my hands are tied on this one. Rodney McKay has been at Area 51 for a while, and he's impressed people there. He's become something of an expert on the Stargate without actually ever seeing one, and it's been decided that he should spend some time at the SGC."

Well, at least it's not another woman. Not that I've got anything against women, but right now, I think it might be too much to cope with.

"And where is this McKay?"

"He's flying in on Monday. There'll be a mission briefing at 0600 Tuesday, with the mission slated for 0800."

"Yes, Sir."

"How're you doing, Son?"

"I'm fine, Sir."

"Jack, I'm a father. I can … imagine how you must be feeling."

"Yes, Sir." I don't want to get into this with him. And I definitely don't want his sympathy.

He realises I'm not going to talk about it, and sighs heavily. "Dismissed."

The briefing, when it comes, is a revelation. If ever I thought Sam was hard work with her techobabble, she's got nothing on McKay.

The MALP data shows a planet with plenty of vegetation, but if there's any indigenous population, they're not close to the gate. The brief for the mission is simply look and see. The scientist is there to look out for any useful raw materials, as it doesn't look like there's any useful technology.

McKay spends at least twenty minutes describing in minute detail the various tests he wants to do, making it clear that some of the tests are of his own devising and much more efficient than whatever we've been using up till now. He's got my teeth on edge already, and Teal'c seems to have zoned out completely. Daniel's trying to be polite, but it's a strain, looking at his face. At last, Hammond runs out of patience, interrupting the man in full flow and dismissing us.

"Ok, time to spare before we need to gear up. And I've got some reports …" I tell the others with a deep sigh.

"Yeah, and I've got a translation I want to finish …"

"And I wish to have breakfast," Teal'c completes the group.

"That's fine," McKay decides. "I've got time to speak to … Captain Carter. To be honest, I'm amazed the gate works at all with the short cuts she took to get it going. I'm going to go and put her right on a few of her more glaring errors."

I'm so used to everyone at the SGC knowing about Sam and me that it comes as a shock that he obviously doesn't. I want to hit him, but I hold back. Fortunately, Daniel comes to my rescue.

"That's probably not a good idea," he suggests.

"Why not? She's never going to learn how to do it properly if someone doesn't tell her."

I decide to wade in. "Captain Carter is the SGC expert on the Stargate. She's proven that countless times, and if you go to her with that sort of attitude, then you'd better be prepared to go on this mission in a bag – just to keep all the pieces of you together."

"Oh," he sighs, dramatically. "Hormonal, is she?"

"McKay," I growl at him. I'm this close to hitting him, and Daniel spots it. He pushes between us, throwing a suggestion over his shoulder that I should get on with my reports. I take the hint, leaving Daniel to defend her. It's not like it's my job any more.

When I get to the Gateroom, ready to ship out, Daniel and McKay are already there. Danny doesn't look happy, and while I want to know what happened, it's not the time to ask. I glance up to the control room as I usually do, and there she is. She looks tired and pale, but she holds my gaze for a fraction of a second before looking away. I turn back round to greet Teal'c, who arrives just as the wormhole engages.

"So, first time through?" I ask McKay.

"Well, yes, but I can't imagine there's anything about it that I'm not expecting."

"Oh," I say. I walk up the ramp with him on my right. Teal'c and Daniel go first, and he pauses in front of the event horizon for a second, and I can't resist it. I put my hand in the small of his back and give him a good push through. For some reason, I glance back at the control room before I step through, and spot the smile on Sam's face. Well, at least I managed to do that much.

JJJJJ

Never mind that he was criticising Sam. If that man opens his mouth one more time, I'm going to throttle him. I'm pretty sure I'll even persuade Daniel and Teal'c to testify that he met with a nasty accident.

The first thing he's got to complain about is our pace. I explain that we've only got a limited time before we're due back and that I want to cover as much ground as possible. He grunts at that, and then gives up on me and goes to chat to Daniel. He might think he's being quiet, but he's not.

"Dr. Jackson, I just wanted to say that I'm pleased to working with you at last. I've read the reports on how you deciphered the glyphs to get the Stargate going in the first place, and I've got to say, I'm impressed."

"Thank you. And call me Daniel."

"Thanks, Daniel. You can call me Rodney. So, how do you like this … working for the military? It makes it hard to maintain academic rigour, doesn't it?"

"It means that sometimes you've got to make an instant decision because someone's life depends on it, but there's normally time to be rigorous once we're back at the SGC. I find it's a good balance."

"Spoken like a true academic," he approves.

I wonder if McKay thinks I won't understand if he uses too many big words.

"So, who was the scientist on the team before me?"

I try not to choke. If that man thinks he's staying on my team, he …

"Well, we had Sandy Joyce until she became pregnant. Since then we've had a few, but none of them have worked out."

"I think I can guess why," he mutters, and I just know he's pointing at me behind my back. I resist the urge to turn around.

"She wasn't permanent though. She covered for Sam Carter while she was missing."

"Ah, yes. I hope she's a better soldier than scientist. Then again, with looks like hers, she doesn't have to be good at anything else."

"I would advise that insulting Captain Carter is not the way to garner popularity at the SGC," Teal'c interrupts, looming over McKay in his most menacing manner. See? That's why I love that man. Anyway, he saved me the job.

"Ok, I get that. She was part of the team, and the team's got to stick together. But you just be glad I'm here now. By the time I've gone over the gate software, you won't believe how smoothly things can run."

"I wonder that they didn't get you to take over from Sam while she was lost," Daniel comments. I can hear the heavy sarcasm, but McKay misses it. He's obviously persuaded someone that he knows what he's talking about, and I know they were glad to get Sam back.

"Yes, well, my help was offered, but General Hammond apparently refused. Something about it being bad for morale, although I can't see how getting the job done properly could be bad for anything."

Good for Hammond. Looks like he didn't want to replace Sam while we were missing. I must buy him a drink some time.

I avoid getting too close to McKay for the rest of the day – letting him take his readings and collect his samples. We're already on our way back to the gate when we find there are humans on this planet after all.

Teal'c hears him first – a man in rough, ragged clothes rushes out of the trees.

"Help me. If they find me…Taldor."

"Who?" I ask.

"Taldor. They find me now."  
"Daniel?" I look for explanation.

"Tal…ah? I don't…I have no idea."

"They find me, they find you."  
"Taldor is bad?" Daniel's trying to understand.  
"All around us now."

"All right, all right, all right. We're surrounded by Taldor. Fine. Just relax. Come with us. Come on."

I don't have a clue what he's on about, but he's scared. That's good enough.

"All right…Keep an eye out for Taldor, I guess." I suggest.

We resume our walk to the Stargate, but there's a metallic sound from above, and it has a major effect on our new friend.

"Taldor."

"What the hell is that?" I demand.

"It comes for us."

I can't hear anything else for the noise from above.

The next thing I know, we're in a dark room with some sort of spotlight on us. I glance at each of the team in turn.  
"Everybody all right?"

A disembodied voice, probably female, says, "You are prisoners."

Well, I kind of got that. "And you are?"

I shield my eyes in an effort to see where the voice is coming from.

"Justice! Taldor means justice," Daniel suddenly realises. I glare at him. That's the sort of information that might've been useful before. He shrugs in apology. "It just came to me."  
"You trespass on ancient grounds." This time the voice sounds male.

"Hey, look. We didn't mean to trespass. We're explorers, we just came through the Stargate from Earth."

McKay's spluttering behind me, and I turn, signalling him to keep his mouth shut.

"It does not matter who you are or where you are from; you helped Roshure."

"What? Who? This guy?"

I point at the man, who's so terrified he's kneeling on the ground shaking.

"Yeah?"  
"Then you share in his crime."  
"What crime?" I'm getting annoyed now.  
"Murder."  
"All right, look. We don't know anything about a murder. He was running from something. He stopped for help. We helped."

"For the crimes of trespassing on the ancient grounds…"

"OK, Daniel, want to add anything?"

Daniel stutters a bit, but McKay steps forward.

"Look, he's nothing to do with us. With me. I'm not even part of this team. Not really. So, take him, take the rest of them if you like, but …"

"Shut up, McKay," I growl.

"…of aiding a murderer…" The female voice continues as if no one had spoken.

"We had no intention of interfering with your justice system," Daniel manages.

"…of carrying weapons upon ancient grounds."

Male voice this time. What's with the tag team?  
"You will be sent through the Stargate."

Ok, I can live with that. It's time we were home anyway.  
"Thank you," Daniel says.  
"To the prison, Hadante…"

"Ah, no no no no no no…This is just a misunderstanding."

"…for the remainder of your lives."

I look at the others, but they're all looking as stunned as I feel.

And the next thing I know, we're underground, somewhere dank and dark with what look like tree roots growing down from the ceiling. There's a whistling sound, and it doesn't sound friendly.

"Well, this sucks," I murmur.

It's soon obvious that the prison has no official rules. That means that it's quite literally survival of the strongest. My first thought is relief that Sam's not here. If there's one thing for sure, it's that women won't have a good time in a place like this. I'm going to have my work cut out keeping Daniel and McKay out of trouble. I'm not worried about Teal'c.

We soon find that the local muscle is called Vishnor, and he's about Teal'c's size, although his time in prison hasn't done a lot for his muscle tone. What's surprising is the way he submits to a woman. She's older than me, but there's no doubt she's in charge. She looks us over.

"My name is Linea. For what it's worth, welcome," she tells us before she walks away. Ok, that went well.

I pull the team together, get them thinking about what we need to get out of here.

"A DHD would be nice," McKay offers, but I just look at him in disgust.

My mind goes back to the day on Ernest's planet when Sam and I got stranded. "We need a power supply. If we've got that, we can dial manually."

"There's not much chance of finding a power supply here, and as for dialling manually, the strength required …" McKay objects.

"Is well within Teal'c's capability. Isn't that right, Buddy?"

"It is, O'Neill."

"So, power supply," I summarise.

We move off, Teal'c in the lead to try to scare off anyone who's looking to start something.

"Look, we'll cover more ground if we split up. Teal'c, you and Daniel see what you can find. McKay, if there's power here, then my guess is that Linea knows where it is. Let's go and find her."

It's soon obvious that Linea does have a power source, and McKay starts babbling about it. It needs some plant and a liquid she calls an 'activator'. That's all I need to know about it – well, that and McKay's confirmation that it might be enough to power the Stargate.

Linea's condition for allowing us to use her power supply is simple – she has to come with us. It seems like a reasonable trade. We're not guilty of anything; who's to say she is?

When we meet up with the others, it's obvious that at least one inmate has decided to try Teal'c for size. Some people are just stupid.

I explain the deal to the others.

"Will it work?" I demand of McKay.

"No guarantees, but … if anyone can make it work, I can."

"I'll take that as a yes. Problems?"

"Without remote transmitters, we still have no access to Earth. The iris will be closed," Teal'c reminds us.

"Ok, so we go somewhere else. Daniel, you know more gate addresses than anyone. That's your job."

When food arrives, white slop, pouring through the gate into a trough placed there for the purpose, the pecking order becomes obvious. Vishnor's there, but Linea's pulling his strings. I know Daniel's worried about taking her with us, but we don't have an alternative. We'll worry about what she did once we've got her back.

By the time we make our way to the trough for some food, it looks even more vile than it did at the start. We try some, but it's just another reason for getting out of here fast.

Daniel won't leave me alone about Linea's crime, so I leave Teal'c and McKay and take Daniel to go and talk to her.

She looks remarkably comfortable in her den, and she even offers us some of the same food we had, but treated in some way to make it palatable. Daniel tries some and manages to swallow without gagging. Must be better.

I decide to keep out of it. It's Daniel's worry, I'm just trying to make sure no one picks on him.

Thank you," he tells her. "Actually, I came to ask you something."

"My crime?"

"Yes, actually."

"There was an experiment with tragic consequences. People died."

"How many died?"

"Thousands. It began with a terrible plague among the people who sent you here. Time was short; I offered my knowledge. Instead of inhibiting the disease's progress, my medicine accelerated its effects."

"And they blamed you."  
"Yes."

"Well, we didn't deserve this either."

"Do not think that I am innocent."

"So, you take responsibility for your actions?"

"Yes."

There's a pause then, and she watches us closely, as if measuring us up.

"I have decided to accept your offer."

"Good. We'll tell the others."

"You have altered the balance of power here. I have no choice."

"What? How have we altered the balance?"

"It's only a matter of time before Vishnor and his followers challenge you or your friends."

"Ok," I agree, but I'm not convinced. "Thank you."

"Remember, that if you fail, you will not live to try again."

Daniel blinks at her. "Ok."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Today didn't get off to a good start. Well, first, there's the small matter of not having slept. The truth is, the bed just seems too big. I drift off, only to waken minutes later, unconsciously feeling for Jack. But of course, he's not there. And I miss him even more than I thought I would.

I've started working with MacKenzie, trying to pick out specific memories, and I'm hoping that that will help with the flashes I've been getting. I've got a session later this morning, which I know will be hard. Really not something to look forward to.

And then things take a turn for the worse when I'm accosted by Rodney McKay. I've read one or two of his publications, and my impression was of someone who liked to say as little as possible in more and longer words than seems likely. I'm a theoretical astrophysicist, but he gives the word 'theoretical' a whole new level of meaning. While I've spent my time in the program working to find solutions to problems, and to understand the amazing technology that is the gate system, he's spent time picking holes in things and coming up with ways of doing things that're so impractical that they're never going to happen. And he turned up in the control room this morning to lecture me on the 'shortcuts' I took with the dialling program. As if I had a choice! I was inventing the damn thing from scratch. It's easy to see the problems when you look at something that someone else has put together. The point he completely misses is that it works! Against all the odds, I got the damn thing to work, but he just dismisses that as a given. And listening to some of his suggestions, I'm pretty sure that adding several levels of complexity to the system would just lead to regular crashes, and we can definitely do without those.

He's downright insulting when I make my irritation known, and I'm pretty sure I hear the word 'hormonal' come out of his mouth at least once, although he denies it. In the end, I have to get out of there, because it's either that or I'm likely to be up on charges for assault. It's only later that I find out that the reason he's at the SGC isn't to critique my work, but to get some experience of gate travel, and that he's going to be on SG-1 for the time being.

I actually pity Jack. I know he's not tolerant of scientists in general, and I'd bet my pension that he and McKay just won't hit it off.

Theirs is a one-day mission, and they're expected back around 1800. As their return time gets closer, I find myself reverting to old, or not so old, patterns. Before … Jolinar, I would make sure I had a reason to be in the control room when Jack was due back. While it wasn't professional to do what I wanted to – which was to be waiting for him in the gate room and to hug him as soon as he came through – I found that seeing him from the control room was an acceptable alternative. But I've burned my bridges with Jack, so why am I tormenting myself by waiting for him?

The appointed time comes and goes. It's not that unusual – especially when the mission requires the team to travel a distance from the gate. Sometimes, it's hard to estimate the time back to the gate, especially with a new team member, and being late is not unexpected.

By 1900, I'm getting worried. I spot Hammond when he comes down to check on something, and I know he's concerned too. By 2000, he orders the gate dialled, and he tries to contact them by radio. There's nothing. It's also pitch dark on the planet by then, so he schedules another team to leave first thing next day – 0800 coinciding with sufficient light.

I spend a sleepless night on the base. I can't bear the thought that there might be news and that I won't be here, but by next morning, there's nothing to report.

SG-3 returns by midday without SG-1. They do have news, and I'm grateful to General Hammond when he calls me into his office to explain what they've discovered.

"SG-1 has been found guilty of aiding a murderer, and sentenced to life imprisonment," he tells me. I didn't want it sugar-coated, but the bald statement seems unbelievably harsh. I sink into a chair.

"They sent back their gear, but Major Warren wasn't allowed contact with any of our people. Apparently, the prison they've been sent to is not on the planet, and only accessible by Stargate."

"But, Sir, … there's no way Jack would knowingly …"

"I know, Captain. Believe me, I know. But ignorance doesn't seem to be a defence. Look, I'm going to send SG-9. If anyone can negotiate them out of this, it's Major Kovacek."

"Yes, Sir."

"Captain, I think you should go down to the infirmary, have Dr. Fraiser check you over. You look pale."

"No, Sir. I'm fine. I … just didn't sleep well last night."

"More than last night, Captain. I'll make it an order if I have to."

"Yes, Sir."

"How are your sessions with Dr. Mackenzie going?"

"Good, Sir. I've got some definite memories of people – the leaders of the Tok'ra. All I've got to get is an address – some way of contacting them. I do know, that by their very nature, they prefer to have their base remain secret."

"I understand, Captain. But, useful as an ally might be, I don't want you to make yourself ill over this."

"No, Sir."

"Infirmary. Dismissed."

Janet's not impressed when she sees me either. I've been avoiding her. I haven't been sleeping well, and while I'm handling Jolinar's memories better, I'm not handling the Jack situation at all. The pain of losing him is worse than I thought it would be – worse even than losing the baby. Or maybe not worse, but … I don't know. All I know is that I love him, and I miss him, and the thought that I might never see him again makes me feel more bereft that I'd have thought possible.

Janet sets to work, drawing blood and measuring anything that can be measured.

"Are you taking those iron supplements I gave you?"

"Yeah," I answer.

"Regularly?"

"Kind of."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I take them when I remember."

"What about food? Do you eat when you remember?"

"Pretty much."

"Look, Sam, you need to take care of yourself. I know things have been hard, but you're going to make yourself ill."

"I know, Janet. And I will."

"Yes, you will. At least while you're on duty. I'm going to give you a routine, and I want you in the infirmary to take your iron supplements, and while you're here, you can note down what you've eaten."

"Janet, that's not necessary."

"Prove it. If there's no improvement in your health in a week, I will set that up."

"I get it, Janet. Really."

"So, how are you coping?"

"Coping?"

"With SG-1 being taken prisoner."

At least she hasn't made it personal as regards Jack.

"Not well."

"They'll make it home. You should know as well as I do, that Jack always finds a way home."

"Yeah, but normally I get to help …"

"And it's hard, waiting for others. I know. But if ever a man had nine lives, it's Jack O'Neill. And he'll bring the others back with him."

"I hope you're right."

"Now, are you going to rest for a few hours, or am I going to sedate you?"

"What? No! I'm on duty."

"And I can relieve you of duty. Your choice."

"I'll rest," I finally agree.

And I do. I manage to lie down for a couple of hours, but I don't sleep. I'm fiddling with my finger – the one where my ring was until I decided to give it back to Jack. It's a symbol of the mess I've made of things. No, I'm not ready to get pregnant again, and I'm sure that would hurt Jack. But … something I'd forgotten has come back. The thing about all these extra flashes of memory is that it made it hard to recall real memories. When we first admitted our feelings for each other, Jack was willing to forgo penetrative sex to ensure I wouldn't get pregnant. And if he was willing to do that, then maybe … But it's too late. There's no way he'll want me now – not when I've hurt him so badly. And worse than that, I'm not sure he'll even get the chance to turn me down. I'm not sure I'll ever see him again.

When I get up, I force myself into the commissary, choosing a salad and, on a whim, picking up some milk to drink. I eat what I can, and then head up to the control room to find out the latest.

And the latest is that SG-9 has returned, having made no progress. Major Kovacek's with General Hammond now, trying to decide where to go to from here. I haven't been invited, but I decide to go up there anyway.

"Excuse me, Sir," I apologise to General Hammond.

"What is it, Captain?"

"Sir, I was just wondering if I could help. Is there any news on the location of the prison planet?"

"No, Captain. They haven't been willing to part with that information. Not that I'm surprised. Even though they claim that there's no way out of the prison, if there's a gate, they've got to know that with the right equipment, it would be possible to break out."

"Yes, Sir."

"I know you're worried about them. And I'm going to do what I can. To that end, I've asked Major Kovacek to request the Taldor to speak to me."

"You're going through the gate?"

"I'm willing to do anything I can."

"Thank you, Sir."

"I haven't given up hope, Captain."

"No, Sir."


	10. Chapter 10

The challenge comes sooner than I would've thought. We've barely made it back to the gate when it activates, and some poor bastards move close to it in the hope that it's a way to escape. Daniel tries to explain that it's death, but it doesn't go down well, and Vishnor jumps him.

I'm prevented from helping Daniel by someone trying to choke me to death. I'm just about holding my own, but I can't get free. I don't know where Teal'c is, but his help'd be useful right now. Vishnor's choking Daniel, and I know he hasn't got much time.

Suddenly, it's over. The last time I glanced at Daniel, I thought he was just about unconscious, the much larger Vishnor's hands strangling him, but now they're both on the ground. I run to Daniel, and I'm relieved to find a pulse, weak, but there. Vishnor's dead. It makes no sense at all, but at least Daniel's alive. He needs help, and there's only one place here where he's going to get that.

Teal'c and McKay appear, and take in the situation. Teal'c carries Daniel to Linea's den, laying him on the bed there. She places a few drops of … something in his mouth and declares that she can't do anything else, turning her attention to the new arrival, the reason the Stargate activated. He's blind, but with a drop of something in his eyes, he can see again. He takes one look at Linea and runs. Surprising, but maybe he thinks she's a witch or something.

Daniel wakes up then, confused as to what happened. He doesn't think he'd beaten Vishnor either.

"P2A-509," Daniel says suddenly.

"Little brain damage along the way?" I ask.

"No, uh-uh, SG-3 was scheduled to go on a mission to P2A-509. General Hammond said so in our last planning briefing. We rendezvous with SG-3, and we use their remote transmitters to get home."  
"And this just came to you?"

"No. This came to me while I was suffocating."

"Then P2A-509 it is."

JJJJJ

We decide that the best time to proceed with our plan is to go ahead after the next meal delivery – almost a day away. We've got a plan. And now that we have, my mind goes to Sam. And I'd almost managed to forget that she's not waiting for me, that she's not out of her mind with worry. She blames me for what happened, and I get that – I blame myself to some extent, but I still think the biggest helping of blame belongs to Jolinar. Not that any of that matters.

The hours pass slowly while we wait for our time. We have to go through a ritual when the food arrives, with Danniel doling it out since he 'defeated' Vishnor, but once everyone else's gone, we set to work.

On either side of the Stargate, we pile some of the weed Linea uses, and then McKay takes tendrils of it and loops it around the gate. Linea adds some of her activator, and we watch the light that generates travelling up the plant and into the gate. Teal'c does his thing, dialling manually, and the gate activates. We all rush through, not sure how long the wormhole will remain stable.

Stepping through to P2A-509 is a huge relief. Checking Daniel's memory, SG-3 is due to arrive within a few hours. It's peaceful close to the gate, so we hunker in and make ourselves inconspicuous until they arrive.

JJJJJJ

Finally walking down the ramp to the SGC, I can't stop my eyes searching for her. I finally spot her in the control room. She's not looking this way. Hammond comes down as soon as he sees it's us.

"Where in the name of heaven did you come from?" he demands.

"Prison, actually. We just broke out," I answer, oddly pleased that he's so surprised.  
"Well, how? Your remote transmitters have been returned to us. SG-9 and I spent the last two days trying to negotiate your release. With no luck, I might add."

"Well, actually, we returned via P2A-509," Daniel explains. "I remembered that SG-3 would be there. Major Warren found us and let us borrow a transmitter to open the iris."

Hammond turns to Linea. "And if I may ask?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. General Hammond, this is Linea," I explain.

"It's only because of her activator and my scientific brilliance that we're here," McKay announces.

Linea acknowledges her introduction with a nod.

"Then we owe you a great debt, ma'am. Welcome to the SGC," Hammond says.

"I've never seen such a place. It seems so alien." Linea's looking around, taking everything in.

"So it was with me, but over time it has become … home," Teal'c explains.

"General Hammond, might I suggest that we offer Linea the hospitality of the SGC, such as it is. There's a lot she might teach us." McKay doesn't sound like he's suggesting so much as demanding. I give a minute shrug in answer to Hammond's unspoken question.

"I'll take that into consideration, Doctor. In the meantime, I'd like you all to report to the infirmary, including your guest."

Daniel and Teal'c move in the direction of the infirmary.

"Begging your pardon, ma'am, it's merely precautionary," Hammond apologises.

"I would do the same," Linea answers.

"We'll debrief after you've all had a chance to rest."

"Yes sir." I take Linea's hand. "Linea, thank you."

McKay insists he needs to spend time with Linea, and so avoids the debrief. Hammond assigns Sam to stick with them – much to McKay's irritation. We're working through the details as well as we can, when Major Warren of SG3 appears, a ragged-looking man in cuffs with him. I recognise him as the man Linea cured of blindness.

"I found him lurking near our base camp, Sir. You need to hear this."

"General, this is the…former blind man I was telling you about."

"The first thing I see: The Destroyer of Worlds."  
"Excuse me?" Hammond asks.

"She created a sickness. The one you call Linea. She—the Destroyer."

"She told me that there was a plague and she tried to help," Daniel says.

"Not help. She started it."

He pauses for a moment before explaining. "Our island states were at war, she created a sickness, one she couldn't get herself. A terrible sickness."

"Go on," Hammond encourages.

"Half our people died. She came, promised to save the rest. By then it had spread, island to island. By the time they caught her, she had destroyed half a world."

The klaxons start then, and we race towards the control room. Someone's activated the gate and managed to seal the room. McKay's there, getting up from the floor. Sam's unconscious. I leave others to try to work out what's happening, rushing to Sam's side.

"What happened?" I demand.

"She … Linea … she must've knocked us out. I just woke up as you came in." McKay sounds aggrieved.

I check Sam's pulse – it's fast but strong – and I get on the phone to demand a medical team.

"Where's Linea?" Hammond demands.

"When I came to, she was gone."

"Wormhole has been activated," the technician states. I don't know her name – she's new since Sam and I got stranded, and I haven't seen her before.

"You were unconscious?" Hammond demands.

"Only for a few minutes," McKay insists.

Sam's pulse remains fairly strong as I wait. I just hope she'll be ok – it – whatever it was – certainly doesn't seem to have done McKay any harm.

"The abort command is not responding, Sir," the tech. warns.

I hear the unmistakeable sound of the blast doors rising, and then Hammond's voice ordering someone to step away from the gate. I assume his order is ignored when he then orders the technician to shut the gate down.

The medical team appears then, and I'm pushed out of the way so they can work.

I allow my attention to drift back to the others, while keeping an eye on Sam. The self destruct's been set, and nothing anyone is doing is making any difference. McKay's just looking aghast, and the technician is obviously trying everything she can think of, but nothing's working.

"Try shutting the whole system down," Hammond suggests.

"We can't, Sir," the technician informs us.

I look down to see Linea walk to the event horizon just as the computer informs us we've got ten seconds. There's nothing we can do.

"The codes have been erased," someone says. I don't even know who it was.

As the countdown ends, the gate disengages. We wait for the explosion, but it doesn't happen.

"Redial those coordinates," Hammond orders

Before anyone can move, the system goes down, leaving us in darkness.

"The entire system just crashed," The tech. tells us.

"Well, get it back up!"

"Colonel?"

I go to what McKay's staring at. A message is displaying on the screen.

_Thank you for your kindness. All debts have now been paid._

"We let her out; the Destroyer of Worlds," Daniel states.

Something to think about, not that we get the chance to do it in peace.

"General, with this cockamamie system, it'll take hours to get everything back," McKay informs Hammond, but my attention's on the gurney that the medics've just loaded Sam onto. I leave the geeks to their computers.

I follow Sam down to the infirmary. I know she won't want me here, but I don't care. I can't just turn off my feelings for her, damn it. They transfer her to a bed, and Janet gets out her stethoscope and gets her linked up to various monitors.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. She and McKay were rendered unconscious, but he's fine."

She completes her initial checks.

"She seems ok," she concludes.

"Then why's McKay in the control room being his usual irritating self while she's …"

"I don't know, Colonel, although it could just be Sam's general state of health. And Jolinar left … some things behind. Her blood chemistry has changed, and there's a protein marker … I have no idea whether either of these are going to change her reaction to stimuli of any sort. And, I don't think she's been sleeping."

Her and me both.

Just then, I spot her eyes flickering. I don't think, I just rush to her, touching her face.

"Sam?"

"Jack. You're back. I thought … I dreamt …"

"No, I'm back. What happened?"

"Not sure. Linea …"

"She's gone. She played havoc with the computer system, let us think we were going to be blown up, and left. McKay's trying to sort it out now."

"McKay?" she asks, a look of incredulity on her face.

"Yeah. Why?"

"Don't let him near the system. It'll take weeks …" There's actual panic in her voice, and she's trying to get up.

"Sam, I'll stop him. But on one condition."

"What?"

"You do as the Doc. orders. Ok?"

She collapses back into her pillow. I make a call, conveying Sam's lack of confidence in McKay's ability with the system to General Hammond who, fortunately, has already asked McKay to leave the system to the technician and has called Sandy Joyce in to help.

I go back to Sam's bed. She hasn't sent me away yet.

"I'm sorry, Jack," she says, softly. There're tears in her eyes. Instinctively, I want to wipe them away, and I do just that when they escape to run down the side of her face towards her pillow.

"What for?" I ask.

"For sending you away. For not talking to you properly. I … we need to talk."

"Shhh. Not now. Get some rest. I'll be here when you're ready," I promise.

She seems to drift off to sleep then. Janet does another check and nods with satisfaction.

"She's just sleeping. I don't think she has since you've been gone, and I'm pretty sure she hasn't had much sleep … well, since Jolinar."

I feel my jaw tense at the mention of his name. Janet smiles gently, and gestures me towards her office.

"She's going to talk to you then," she offers when we get there.

"So she says."

"Good. She's been miserable, you know."

"Of course she has. She … lost the baby."

"I know, but it's more than that. She's dealing better with Jolinar's memories now, and she will deal with the aftermath of the miscarriage in time. But she's been missing you."

"She sent me away," I remind her.

"I know. I … just hope you don't hold that against her. She was confused. Just … listen to what she says. Can you do that?"

I nod. For Sam, I can do that.


	11. Chapter 11

Knowing he's safe, I can sleep. This last time has been a reminder that I could easily lose him completely. He could walk through that gate and never come back. There's so much I need to tell him, so much I need to explain, but at least now I might get the chance. He shouldn't have been there – he should have left me to others, but he didn't. It gives me hope that he might forgive me.

When I waken, Janet's is the first face I see.

"Hey there, sleepy-head. How're you doing?"

"Ok," I manage, yawning. "I think I was tired."

"I think that's a fair bet."

"Where's …?"

"Colonel O'Neill? I sent him home. He hovered for hours after you went to sleep, but he was dead on his feet too, so I threw him out."

"Hours? How long've I been asleep?"

"Twenty-three hours and," she glances at her watch, "twenty minutes."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh. When you're feeling better, I need to have a talk with you about what you do when you're not sleeping."

I feel myself blush a little.

"So, how does a shower sound?"

"Good. A shower sounds very good."

"Ok, go and do that, but I want you back here afterwards. I'm going to check you over once more before you go home."

"Sure."

The shower feels wonderful, reviving me. And the solitude gives me thinking time. I promised to talk to Jack. The prospect gives me butterflies and threatens worse, but I know I need to get it over with.

Once Janet's finished with me, I dress and go to the surface. When I get to my car, I call him.

"Hey," he answers, his voice soft and wary.

"Jack."

"You're awake then. I … rang a couple of hours ago – Doc. said you were still sleeping."

"Yeah, well, I was tired."

"Ya think?"

"Look, Jack, can I come round? I mean, if it's not convenient, we can …"

"Sure. You at the base?"

"Yeah. Just leaving."

"See you in what … half an hour?"

"About that."

I drive, the journey seeming to take longer than it should, but when I check the time once I've parked outside, it's only been twenty-five minutes.

He opens the door before I get there, gesturing me inside. It's familiar. The weeks after we got back and before Jolinar – this was home. He waves a hand in the direction of a chair and I sit, but I'm on the edge, not able to relax and get comfortable.

"Can I get you anything? Beer? Coffee? Soda?"

"Coffee'd be good," I decide.

I hear him setting the coffee going, but he comes back a moment later. He's studying me closely.

"You're looking well," I tell him – anything to stop him watching me so closely.

"Yeah, well, nothing a shower couldn't fix."

"So, I heard McKay got you out."

"Well, he did a bit of it," he agrees.

"Not according to McKay. For all he wanted to learn everything he could from Linea, he took time out to describe his heroics in some detail."

"Yeah, he's a real hero."

"I'm glad you got out, and I don't care who's responsible."

He smiles at that, and it's infectious. He turns quickly, making his way back into the kitchen. If I didn't know better, I'd think Jack's scared.

He returns with two mugs, putting one down on the table close to me. He sits opposite, and I know it's my cue.

"I said I'd explain," I offer.

"I'm listening."

"First, I'm sorry. Maybe it'll make sense when I explain, but if it doesn't, I am sorry."

His face falls a little at that, but I forge on anyway.

"After Jolinar, I was confused. I kept getting flashes – especially when I was feeling any strong emotion. And I wasn't really feeling anything other than strong emotions."

I remember those first few hours. I was a mess. I didn't know who I was, just that I was in pain.

"When I looked at you, sometimes I saw you, and sometimes I saw someone else – someone who caused Jolinar to feel the way I felt when I looked at you. And then there was another face – someone I despised, someone who repulsed me, and yet I can remember him touching me … intimately. But those were Jolinar's memories, and I haven't made sense of them yet. I'm getting there, but it'll take a while."

He nods. "This person you saw – not the one who repulsed you – was it a man?"

"Yes."

I see pain on his face, and I'm sorry. "Can you see him now?"

"No, Jack. I'm getting better at controlling the flashes, sorting out which are mine and which … aren't."

He seems to relax a little.

"Anyway, with all that going on, I was in pain. I … still am. Losing the baby hurt, Jack. It hurt like I never knew it could."

"I know, Sam. I …"

"I know you felt it too. I know that. But … with everything else that was going on, all I could think was that I had to avoid ever being in that situation again. I was terrified, and I did what I thought would protect me."

"By shutting me out?" He sounds incredulous.

"Yes."

"Sam, have I ever done anything to hurt you?" His voice is louder, more strident, and I put up a hand to stop him.

"No, Jack. Not knowingly. But … if it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have been pregnant, so, in some screwy way, I did blame you."

"I gave you the choice, Sam. When we were stranded … I …"

"I know. But with everything else that was going on, I wasn't thinking straight. And I knew that whatever else happened, I wasn't ready to repeat things. I knew I wouldn't want to be pregnant again right away, or maybe even ever."

"I get that, Sam. And you've got to know I wouldn't push you. You do … know that, don't you?"

"Yes. I know. But I also knew that it would hurt you. And I knew you were hurting already. I didn't want to hurt you more, but I also didn't want you to resent me … years from now, if I never felt able to try again. I thought you'd leave me then, and I couldn't bear it. I … decided it would hurt less in the long run to just get all the pain over with right away. I didn't think I could hurt any more than I already did. But I was wrong."

The last words have come out in a rush. I'm almost out of breath when I finish. Jack's silent, his eyes on me, but he's obviously digesting what I've said.

"I know I've hurt you, Jack, and I don't know if you can forgive me. Whatever else happens, I don't want to lose you. I need you to be in my life – even if just as a friend. And I understand if you want to find someone else – someone who'll be able to give you children. Someone who won't put them in danger."

There's a silence then, probably not as long as it seems, punctuated only by my heart beat.

"Sam, what happened to the woman who told me that we've got to take risks? What happened to the woman who wanted to live the life she had to the full?"

"She … got a bit lost."

"Is she still lost?"

"A bit," I admit.

He nods.

"So, you telling me to go was giving me the chance to find someone else – someone who'd give me children. Is that what you're saying?"

I manage to nod. I can't quite meet his eyes. I hear him moving, and a moment later, he's on his knees in front of me, his hand gently raising my face to his.

"What if I don't want children with anyone else? What if I think that life with you, with or without children, is the only life I want?"

"Jack," I manage, but tears are threatening to fall, and I can't get more out.

"Sam, I love you. If you're not in my life, I'm not really living. But I'll let you go if it's what you want. If you don't love me. If you don't want me. Tell me, Sam. Tell me what you want."

"I want you, Jack."

The world seems to stop for an instant, and then his arms are around me, and his face is buried at my neck. He shudders once, and I know I'm shaking.

"I love you, Jack," I finally manage.

My words seem to change something. He pulls away just far enough that he can see my face.

He gets up then, and I'm confused. I want him to hold me. Instead, he leaves the room, returning a moment later with something in his hand. He sits next to me and opens his palm. It's the ring – the one he gave me when we bonded.

"Wear it again?" he asks.

I nod, and he puts it back where it belongs. Then, he gets back on the floor.

"Sam," he starts. He's looking nervous. "I know we agreed that the bonding was the same as being married, but … how we see it and how others see it aren't always the same. I want the world to know that you belong to me, and I'm sorry if that sounds chauvinistic, but it goes both ways. Will you marry me? Think of it as a renewal of vows if you like, but …"

"Yes, Jack. I'll marry you here. I think a renewal would be a great idea. And … it might make things easier with the Air Force."

"So, Hammond's spoken to you too?"

I nod, then I realise that there's something wrong.

"Jack, why're you down there when you could be up here and kissing me?"

"A very good question," he answers, pulling himself back up.

We don't make love that night. Not that we don't both enjoy what we do, but between the aftermath of the miscarriage and what Janet told me about the leftovers from Jolinar, we don't know how effective hormone-based birth control is going to be. So, there're going to be some changes. It doesn't seem to faze Jack even slightly. I'm still worried that he'll resent me some day, but for now, I'll take whatever I can get.

The next morning, we move my personal belongings out of my house and put it back on the market.

SSSSS

Since I'm not pregnant any more, one barrier to gate travel has been removed. However, another has taken its place. Janet is concerned about my general health, and unhappy for me to go through the gate until she's got a better understanding of the effects of the changes Jolinar made.

MacKenzie hasn't released me yet, but I know it won't be long now. Getting my personal life sorted out has helped a lot. Jack grounds me, and that helps me to put everything else into perspective. The flashes are becoming less and less frequent – and days often go by without me having any while I'm awake. While I'm asleep is another thing, but I'm grateful to have my days back. I'm using the dreams to try to force my conscious recollections, but so far, I haven't found anything that would allow us to contact the Tok'ra.

The one fly in the ointment is just that. I can't talk to Jack about them. He gets this set to his jaw every time they're mentioned, and I know he still holds Jolinar responsible for the miscarriage. And now that the twins are back with their parents … his chances of being a dad again seem to be over. My own relief at hearing the news is something I've tried to hide. I know he's happy for them, that they've got their mom and dad back, but I also know that they've left a hole in his life, as they have in mine. The difference is that, for now at least, I want that hole there.

One bit of good news – Rodney McKay decided that he was too valuable to risk being imprisoned on another planet, so his stay at the SGC was curtailed. He's gone back to Area 51, so he's out of my hair. I know he'll be back. General Hammond has made it clear that the man has support from someone at the Pentagon, and if I read between the lines, that person wants him on SG-1 on a permanent basis. At least for now, McKay's own resistance is preventing that headache for Jack.

A month after the prison planet, General Hammond calls me to his office. He's got a couple of files in front of him as I go in, and he motions me to sit down.

"I've just been reading through the reports from Doctors Fraiser and MacKenzie. They've both decided that you can return to active duty, and I wanted to make sure you agree with that."

"Yes, Sir. I'm ready."

"And is that what you want? I'm the first to admit that things at the SGC have been running much more smoothly while you've been here full-time. The compromise you worked out that persuaded Dr. Lee that the danger inherent on his most recent project was acceptable, was nothing short of inspired, and it's starting to produce some useful results."

"So, are you saying I've got a choice?"

"Captain, you know as well as I do that as an Air Force officer, you have to take whatever posting you're given. However, you must also realise that where there are good reasons for several options, I am allowed some latitude. So, yes. I'm giving you a choice. I've got two possibilities for you to consider. The first will involve regular travel, but perhaps not to the extent that you experienced on SG-1. Much as I'd like to return you to your old team, your relationship with Colonel O'Neill makes that impossible. And while your upcoming nuptials will give me some flexibility, a permanent posting there is not an option. So, in order to make the most of your particular skills and abilities, I would like to give you a broader remit, and to make you a science resource for all the teams going through the gate. Each team would have to effectively bid for your services, convincing me that your presence is important on a given mission. SG-1 would, of course, be able to avail itself of your expertise as necessary. In this position, you would continue to report directly to me."

He pauses, allowing me to take in the information.

"The alternative is that you continue doing the job you're doing at present, with the added dimension that gate travel is an option as and when it's necessitated by your current projects. I would not, however, envisage such travel to be a regular occurrence with this option."

"Wow, thank you, Sir," I manage. I already know which option I'm going for, and it's better than I'd hoped for. I'm going to miss the lab time, but I really want to get back to regular gate travel. I'd assumed I'd be assigned to a different team – I know there're a couple of vacancies in SG-5 and SG-7, but neither really appeals. I've been spoiled by SG-1.

"I'd like to take the first option, if I can, Sir," I answer at last.

"I thought you would," he answers with a grin. "I know you've got some leave booked for after the wedding, and I'd like your new posting to start on your return."

"Yes, Sir," I answer, as he pushes a folder towards me.

"A listing of upcoming missions for you to peruse. Your availability for inclusion on these missions will be published later today, and I would add that if there are any you believe are scientifically significant enough to require your inclusion, you should come to me."

Being reminded about the wedding brings a whole load of errands to mind. Not that it's going to be a big deal. That's one thing Jack and I agreed from the start. We've invited General Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c, Janet and Cassie, and Sandy Joyce and her husband Dave. Oh, and my dad. My brother can't make it, although whether that's because Dad's going to be there or because I'm marrying another Air Force officer, I'm not sure. A select group, and a very low key wedding because it's just a repeat for both of us.

There was discussion about whether or not to invite Sandy, but we bonded over our shared pregnancy when I first got back, and she's probably going to be back on SG-1 after her baby's born – or at least that's what Jack's holding out for. After the disaster that was Rodney McKay, he's been doing his best to avoid anyone else being assigned to his team. Sandy, on the other hand, isn't so sure. She's very wary of Jack – his reputation for not tolerating scientists is well known. I'm hoping that seeing him at his wedding'll remove some of the man's mystique.

Jack's getting paperwork finished off before his last mission before the wedding. And once that's over, we're going to his cabin for two weeks.

I head down to the commissary. I suspect I'll find Jack there – it's about time for him to need a break from paperwork. And sure enough, I spot him, sitting in a corner, a piece of cake and a cup of coffee in front of him. He's reading something, and doesn't spot me until I sit beside him with my own coffee.

"Seen Hammond yet?" he asks, smiling at me.

"Yeah."

"So, which team are you joining?"

"I'm not."

He gets up quickly, ready to go and complain and I pull him back down.

"Jack, it's ok."

"It's not ok. You deserve to be back on an off world team. How else will you get the experience you'll need to have your own team?"

"Jack, I haven't got a team because you're looking at the science resource for all the SG teams. Every team, including SG-1, can request my presence for a mission if my expertise is needed. It's perfect, really. There's no real point in me going on meet and greets or negotiating access to historical documents. This way, I get the best of both worlds."

"So you're happy, then?"

"Yes, Jack. I'm happy."

"Good." He smiles at me, then looks back to the paper in front of him.

"So, how's the paperwork?"

"Nearly there. And then, just the mission tomorrow and we're clear."

"What's tomorrow's mission? Anything complicated?"

"Nah. Sounds like a lovely place – pretty much a garden. There are life signs and energy readings, but not much sign of an industrial society. We only got it at the last minute because two of SG-4 got injured last time out. Shouldn't even take a whole day."

By late next day, I could kick Jack for those words. He was due back by 1600, and it's now 2000. An attempt has already been made to contact them by radio, and it's failed. General Hammond is planning to send through a retrieval team in the morning, once there's enough light on the planet to make a search possible.

I don't know whether to be terrified or furious. We're getting married tomorrow, and I'm stalking the corridors of the SGC.

When the alarm finally goes at 2320, I rush to the gate room, relieved beyond measure that they're back. Teal'c looks pretty much as usual, but Jack's closed off and Daniel has a strange, haunted expression. Hammond insists on a short debrief before dismissing all of them. Jack doesn't even wait to shower, he just changes and heads home with me.

He's unusually silent on the drive, and it's only with an effort that I leave it that way. Once inside, Jack goes to shower while I get him something to eat. Only once he's clean and finished eating, do I gently probe what happened.

"It was hard, Sam. They had these … machines. We were linked up to them so we could re-live some event from our past for their entertainment. When I think of the things they could have chosen, I suppose I got off easy, but they still chose a mission I did where good men died. Before I realised what was happening, I tried to change the final outcome as we worked through it again and again, but nothing I did make any difference. Kawalsky was there. Even seeing him again was … painful. But I got off easy."

"Why?"

"Because Daniel got to see the accident that killed his parents. Over and over again, with only Teal'c for company."

"I knew something had happened."

"Yeah."

"What's he doing tonight? Is he alone?"

"Teal'c was going to his apartment with him. They'd planned that anyway, so …"

"Good."

"So, you still ok with this?"

"What? Getting married? Of course I am."

"No. Being with me tonight. I could still, you know, get a hotel."

"Jack, if we were really getting married, then maybe I'd feel like that, but we're already married, and there's no reason I shouldn't wake up to my husband any day."

He sighs deeply at that, and pulls me closer.

"I'm glad you feel like that," he admits. "Because I really need you tonight."


	12. Chapter 12

If Sam had wanted me to go last night, I would've. But … after reliving that day – one that is among the worst in my life – being with her gave me some peace. She does that. Just by being there, she can bring me peace – something I've been short of for a long time. And that's why I'm pretty much back to normal next morning. By 0700, Janet and Cassie have descended, and I'm no longer welcome. My things are already at Daniel's, so I head over there.

Daniel seems subdued but ok, and by the time we're ready to leave for the chapel, he seems brighter. He's going to be my best man – and while we're waiting for Sam to arrive, I take him aside to make sure he's ok.

"I'm fine, Jack. I know you had some uncomfortable memories too."

"Yeah, but I had Sam to go home to."

"And all I had was Teal'c," he grimaces. "But it's ok. You know Teal'c, what he lacks in conversation, he more than makes up for in steadying presence."

That gets a smile. "I know what you mean."

That covered, conversation becomes difficult. I'm not exactly nervous … who am I kidding? I'm more than nervous. I'm half-scared she's changed her mind and realised she could do much better than me, so when she appears at the back of the chapel on her father's arm, I can't stop the smile. She looks amazing. She's not in white – in keeping with the whole 'renewal' idea – she's in blue – a dress that accentuates her figure, making her even more beautiful than usual.

There's no big reception after – just a meal at a local restaurant, and when that's over, we finally manage to escape to my truck which has been decorated in traditional style. Two miles from the parking lot, I find somewhere to stop and get rid of the additions, and we continue our journey to the cabin.

The first four days at the cabin are idyllic. The weather's sunny without being too hot, and we spend the days and nights completely wrapped up in one another, in a way we've never been able to before. The first nightmare comes that night.

I'm wakened by Sam murmuring something unintelligible. And then she starts thrashing about, and I try to hold her still so that she won't fall off the bed. All the time I'm doing that, I'm calling her name, but I can't get through to her. And then, I hear something specific. By the way she's saying it, it's a name – 'Martouf'. It's repeated with rising panic, and she's almost screaming the name by the time I manage to waken her. She looks at me for a moment, almost as if she doesn't recognise me at all.

It takes a while to calm her, and longer before she's willing to speak at all. I try to be patient, but it's hard. Knowing that she's so lost in someone else's memories that she hardly knows me is hard. It hurts. But I try to hide that from her.

"We were in a tunnel, …" she starts.

"We?"

"The Tok'ra."

"Ok. You were calling out a name – Martouf."

"Yes. He's the face I remember – Jolinar's … lover. We … they were under attack – the tunnels were collapsing around them, but they were trying to get out to get to the Stargate. Martouf had been in his room, but when Jolinar got there, it was destroyed. She was … looking for him, but she couldn't wait. She had to hope that he'd gone ahead, and she was delayed helping someone else who was injured. It wasn't until days later that she was sure he was ok. There was a complicated escape plan – with groups going to various planets and moving around for days before finally getting to the destination. There was … concern that some Goa'uld could read addresses from the DHD."

"So, any idea where they are now?" I've got to ask the question even though I don't want anything to do with them.

"No. I get the feeling these memories are old. Older than I am."

"So, what now?"

"Hold me, Jack. I … need some time to remember I'm me."

I pull her close, nuzzling her neck the way I love to. Slowly, she relaxes, and a while later, she falls asleep. I don't.

I know it's not rational, but I'm jealous. She was panicking because another man – a man she remembers as a lover – was missing. She's my world, and the idea that I might not be hers, scares me. And if she gets her wish – if she finds the Tok'ra – will her feelings for me still seem important when she meets him?

I know I haven't been supportive of her efforts to remember something that'll enable her to find the Tok'ra, and I thought that was because I blame Jolinar for killing our unborn son. Now, I'm faced with the possibility that it's more than that. If she finds them, will she still want me? I have problem enough believing that she wants me anyway, so the prospect of competition doesn't inspire confidence.

Despite my fear, I'm determined not to let it spoil our time together. So, by next morning, my concern is tightly held behind a mental barrier. It's not the first thing I've had to lock away, and I'm sure it won't be the last. I just hope it doesn't turn out to be the hardest to keep under lock and key.

The same nightmare repeats every couple of nights after that. In between those nights, there're other dreams – dreams where I hear her calling his name, not in panic but in arousal. She doesn't waken again, and seems to have no further memories the next morning. I want to ask her about them – to get her to reassure me, but I don't know how to start the conversation. That, and I'm scared of what the answers might be.

I try not to let her see how I'm feeling. She can't help her dreams – I know that. And if there's nothing she can do about it, then I can't let her worry about what it's doing to me.

By the end of our leave, she's looking at me, and I know she knows there's something wrong. When she asks, I just claim to be tired. And I am – I've spent too many nights lately lying awake. I'm glad when we get back home. But even that doesn't help. She's still calling out for someone else in her sleep, and I'm terrified that she'll find a way to meet him. Goa'uld hosts don't age, so he's probably some young-looking thing, a better match for her than I'll ever be. I don't want to be insecure, but I can't help it.

JJJJJ

Being back at work helps a bit. Maybe because Sam's busy, she doesn't seem to be dreaming so much, and it's been a while since I've wakened to hear Martouf's name.

The next mission for SG-1 is to check out a planet that might have significant naquadah deposits. Hammond's keen for Sam to come too, and that's fine – right up until the whole mission goes south.

We end up spending far too long getting up close and personal with mining naquadah. And when I say 'we', I don't include Daniel. He ends up living it up with the local princess and spending time in a sarcophagus, while the rest of us suffer. And when I say 'suffer', I mean it. Ok, Teal'c coped pretty well, but it didn't do my knees any good. And it wiped Sam out. Typical Sam, she insisted on making her individual quota each day, even though both Teal'c and I would happily have used our extra strength to help her out. I spent the time torn between admiration and frustration as I watched her getting weaker by the day. And, surprise, surprise, all that time Danny spent in the sarcophagus didn't come free. It seems it's like a drug, and his body reacted as if in withdrawal. Another time I might've been there for him – it's not like I don't know how it feels – but I was still so mad at him for what he put Sam through, that I couldn't get away from him fast enough.

Our first night at home together, after Sam had spent a night in the infirmary so Janet could be sure there hadn't been any lasting damage, there was a message on the answering machine – Jacob asking Sam to call him. She does, and the result of that is that we've got a house-guest two days later.

Fortunately, Sam's lab-bound for the moment, so I leave her to visit with her dad while I go off on a two-day mission, temporarily commanding SG-7 while I wait for Daniel to be ready to go off world again. He's having a hard time with the withdrawal – even seriously injuring a security officer before getting shot by another one. Teal'c's been seconded to another team. For once, the mission goes as advertised. No indigenous people, no nasty creatures, reasonable weather and lots of trees. As far as our mission was concerned, a whole lot of nothing.

By the time we get back, it's late evening, and Hammond insists on a short debrief before dismissing us. Sam saw me back from the control room, but not again until we're both ready to leave for the night.

I know there's something wrong, but she just shakes her head, promising to tell me when we get home. Once there, she gets into cooking some dinner despite my attempts to persuade her to sit down and talk. I know whatever it is can't be good. There's something about the way she goes about making the meal that makes it obvious that it's intended to give her something to think about for a while. I'm starting to wonder if I've done something, when we finally finish the meal, load the dishwasher, and I persuade her to sit down and talk to me.

"So, how was Dad?" I ask, trying to get to the bottom of things. If he's done something to upset her, I'll …

"He seemed … good. But … he's got lymphoma. He's going to die. He reckons it'll be a while, and he doesn't want me to keep tabs on him, but he just … wanted to warn me. He didn't want me to lose another parent without some warning."

"Sam, I'm sorry." Looks like he did upset her, but I can't really blame him. Not under the circumstances.

"So, what's he doing?"

"He's moving back to the Springs, getting an apartment. The Academy hospital's going to be looking after him, so it makes sense for him to be close."

"And close to you," I add.

She shrugs. Maybe she's not sure that she's part of the reason for him wanting to be back here.

"C'mere," I say, holding my arms out to her. She comes to me, and I hold her tight.

"It's not fair. I just got him back, and now …"

"I know. Sometimes, life isn't fair."

She pulls away far enough to look at me. "Do you ever wonder when our time'll come? I mean, look at us. I thought I had everything when we got back to the SGC, but then we lost the baby, and now this. When do we get our time to be happy?"

"I wish I knew, Sam. But … we've got each other. I know it's corny, but …"

"You're right. I'm so glad I've got you."


	13. Chapter 13

Dad's news, on top of everything else, has hit me hard. I find myself forgetting about it, only to have it hit me again a while later. Jack's being great. He's willing to listen when I want to talk, but he won't force anything when I just want to be quiet. Sometimes I wonder how I coped with life without him. I'm not even talking about the more obvious things – just the knowledge that he's there, that I'm not alone unless I want to be.

Despite that, I know there's something bothering him. I've asked him, but he claims everything's fine. Maybe it's just that he's still missing the twins. I mean, I am, so it wouldn't be surprising. But there just seems to be something … off about him that I can't put a finger on.

It's Sunday evening, and I spent the day with Dad. He's doing pretty well at the moment, and we were able to go for a long walk together. Jack was going to come too, but something came up at the SGC so he had to go in. I offered to go in too, but he pointed out that it was something boringly administrative, so I should stick to the original plan.

It was a good day, but by ten, I'm feeling tired, so I go to run a bath, planning on relaxing before I go to bed. Jack's still not back, so I've got the house to myself.

I draw the water, good and hot, adding some scented oil, before getting in and lying back to savour it. Something about being alone and relaxed, forces faces – Jolinar's memories – to the front of my mind, and I smile as I get snippets of personality to go with each Tok'ra. Martouf's the one I see most often – he was obviously very important to Jolinar – and thoughts of him and the feelings he generated for Jolinar, inevitably draw my mind back to Jack.

The water's getting cool, and, rather than drawing more, I get out of the bath and dry myself off before finishing my bedtime routine and going to bed. As I'm settling down, the phone rings, and I reach for it, already knowing it'll be Jack.

"Hey, Sam."

"Jack. How's it going?"

"Almost there. I'm going to be another … hour. So, don't wait up."

"I'm already in bed," I tell him.

"Good. How's Dad?"

"Doing well. He was tired though."

"Yeah. But you had a good day?"

"It would've been better with you there too."

"Oh, I don't know. I'll bet Jacob was pleased to have you all to himself."

"I suppose."

"Look. You get some sleep. I'll try not to wake you."

"Goodnight, Jack."

"Goodnight, Sam. Sleep well."

I switch off the bedside light and pull the cover up over my shoulders. In minutes, I'm asleep.

I'm surrounded by chaos. People running in every possible direction – some carrying crates, some helping the wounded, noises and movement all around me. I reach the Stargate, and dial the address I've had memorised for months – since it was agreed as the next home for the Tok'ra. As the wormhole whooshes into existence, I'm ready to go through.

I wake with a start, sitting up in bed. I reach for the drawer beside the bed, searching for a pen and paper, writing down the symbols before I can forget them. Beside me, Jack stirs, sitting up beside me, and watching as I complete the task. I look at him, knowing that he won't want to hear what I've got, but equally knowing that I've got no choice other than to report the address to General Hammond. I'm as sure as I can be that I've just remembered the last address of the Tok'ra known to Jolinar.

If I didn't know better, I'd think I see a flash of fear in Jack's eyes when I tell him. But that thought is quickly forgotten when he closes off from me, annoyed that I'm going to pass the information on to General Hammond. Jack already knows that the General agrees with me as regards the potential advantages of such an alliance.

I even understand why Jack feels the way he does. If I didn't have the certainty that Jolinar regretted causing the death of our unborn son, if I hadn't experienced her efforts to save me, I might feel the same way. Jack only has the pain, a pain perhaps made worse by the fact that he'd already lost a son. I want to comfort him, but he pulls away. I just hope that the soldier in him manages to convince the man of the necessity of what I'm doing.

I explain my memory to General Hammond in a private meeting first thing in the morning, and on his orders, arrange for a MALP to visit the planet as a precursor to a possible mission.

Initial MALP readings show a desert planet with views of sand in every direction but very little life of any kind. When I recheck later in the day, the MALP doesn't respond. Logically, it's exactly what I should expect – if the Tok'ra are on the planet, they're not going to show themselves, but they're also going to recognise the purpose of the MALP and want to prevent it from recording anything that would confirm their presence. Of course, the MALP could've been damaged by some natural phenomenon – it wouldn't be the first time – but it might not. Naturally, General Hammond wants SG-1 to make first contact, and he's agreed that I should be involved too, in case my knowledge of Jolinar's memories proves important.

Things at home are strained. I almost wish Jack would just yell at me, but he doesn't. He's quiet – too quiet. His expression's closed. He's not giving anything away, and I wish he would. If he broke down – either showing his anger or his pain, I could deal with it. He's giving me nothing to work with, and I bow to his decision, leaving him to himself for now.

The briefing plays pretty much as I expected. I report the telemetry from the MALP. Daniel's excited, Teal'c's quietly interested, and Jack's the professional soldier with, perhaps, more than his usual share of caution. His more extreme suggestions are vetoed by General Hammond, and we're given a go-ahead to ship out early in the morning.

Around lunchtime, Daniel descends on my lab.

"Hey, Sam. You ready to eat?"

"Sure. Just let me finish this off," I suggest, increasing the power output to the device one last increment and noting the result.

"So, Jack's not happy."

I glance up. Daniel's expression is exactly what I knew it would be – his eyes narrowed, his mouth a tight line.

"No, he's not."

"He told you how he feels?"

"Not recently. Has he spoken to you?"

"No. That's why I hoped …"

"Oh, I understand. He blames Jolinar for the miscarriage. And I get that. I really do. If I hadn't been privy to Jolinar's efforts to save me, I'd probably feel the same."

"Have you told him?"

"I've tried. You know Jack. He … finds it difficult to believe anything other than the worst of a Goa'uld."

"You could say I should feel the same way," he offers.

"Oh, Daniel, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply that you don't have reason …"

"It's ok, Sam. I know you didn't. But … it's not fair that Jack's giving you a hard time over this."

"He's not … not really. He's just dealing with it the best way he can. He'll be ok, I think. But maybe not until he's seen some evidence for himself."

"And if there isn't any?"

"Evidence? Well, it's possible that the Tok'ra have already moved from this address. If they have, we probably won't be able to find them."

"And if they're there, but don't want an alliance?"

"Why wouldn't they? We're both after the same thing, aren't we?"

"Maybe. But sometimes a different culture, a different psyche, doesn't want to be constrained by the requirements of an alliance. They might prefer to do their own thing anyway."

"I suppose." I enter the final result on my laptop, clicking to save the file. "So, lunch?"

We make our way to the commissary, meeting Teal'c there. Jack's conspicuous by his absence.

At home that evening, I finally decide to try to clear the air. He's flicking through channels on the TV, but not really watching anything. I come to sit beside him, putting a hand on his thigh.

"Jack, I know you're not happy about tomorrow, but …"

"Hey, I know. You had to report it to Hammond. I just … needed some time to get used to the idea."

"And have you?"

"As much as I'm going to. I tried to persuade Hammond that I'm the last person to go on a 'meet and greet' with the Tok'ra, but he overruled me. He thinks my natural cynicism might be useful."

"He might be right. Daniel's inclined to look for the best in people, so you balance him."

"Meaning I look for the worst?"

"That's not what I meant! It's just …"

He strokes my face. "I know. And I know you were as hurt as I was by what happened. I just don't understand how you can be so … forgiving."

"It's not that I'm … better than you, it's just that I saw a side to Jolinar that you didn't. I get that."

"That's just it, Sam. You are a better person than me. I've always known that. I'm just amazed that you're willing to be with me."

"More than willing. And … if we start getting into trading which of us is the better person, we'll be here all night. And I'd like us to spend the night somewhere else. Like in bed?"

"Sounds like a plan. Just … I'm sorry I've been a bear."

"Shhh," I tell him, a finger over my lips and then moving to his. "No more apologies. Let's just get what we can out of tomorrow. Ok?"

"Have I told you that I love you lately?"

"Depends how you define lately."

"If you've got to define it, I'm not doing it right. I love you, Mrs. O'Neill."


	14. Chapter 14

The first moments through the gate show exactly what we'd expected. It's a desert, the terrain sand as far as the eye can see, the sun hot and the air dry.

"So, Carter, any ideas?" I ask, falling into our agreed mission behaviour. Keep it formal.

"Nothing specific, Sir. But, their usual practice would be to have their base close to the gate so they can evacuate quickly."

Teal'c's checked the immediate area. "There is no evidence of footprints or tracks of any kind. If the Tok'ra were here they have not been near the Gate in many days."

"Ah, where's that yellow brick road when you need it, eh Carter?"

"There're some dunes over there," she points out.

I shrug. "Dunes it is."

We move in the direction of the dunes. The MALP's there, but it's been damaged – probably by being hit by something hard.

"Could be accidental," Sam mutters as we pass by.

"No one's tread here in a while," Daniel claims. There's certainly no overt sign of footsteps.

"The Tok'ra are known for their ability to mask their trails," Teal'c explains. "They are, as you say, stealthy in their actions."

He's no sooner spoken than we're surrounded by people with staff weapons.  
"Yeah, stealthy would be a good word, Teal'c," Daniel mutters.  
"Good guys or bad guys?" I ask.

One of them speaks. "We mean you no harm. But I warn you, if you make any aggressive moves, we will fire upon you."

"Same here," I counter.  
He laughs. Not exactly the reaction I was looking for. "Well, I think we have the advantage. There are more of us."

"This is true," I agree.

A second one wades in, brandishing his weapon towards Teal'c. "This one is a Jaffa. Apophis sect."

"I am no longer in the service of Apophis."

"Who, then, are you in service to?"

"I am allied with these, the Tau'ri, in battle against Apophis."  
"And all other Goa'uld," Daniel adds.

Sam looks worried. "Be careful, Daniel."

"Why?"

"Because they are Goa'uld."

That seems to upset the first one to talk to us. "Do not call us that!" Then his eyes glow and he spoils the effect by adding, "We are not Goa'uld!"

We stand and look at each other until I can't bear the silence any more. "You know, in some galaxies, this is called loitering. How long do you think we can keep it up?" I glance at Sam. She's looking closely at the one who waved his staff weapon at Teal'c.

"Martouf," she mutters. The name that's haunted my nights.

"I do not know this woman." He's confused.

"But I'm right, aren't I? That's your name - Martouf."

"It is. How do you know me?"

"I don't. But I knew someone who did. His name was Jolinar of Malkshur."

"Where is Jolinar?" This from the other man who's spoken so far.

"He died saving my life."

"That's why we're here, to seek out the Tok'ra," Daniel explains.

"Assuming of course you are the Tok'ra," I add.

"And if we're not?"

"Well, I guess we all start shooting, there's blood, death, hard feelings … it'd suck."

"And if we are this thing you call Tok'ra?" Martouf asks.

"If you are indeed the Tok'ra of Jaffa legend, we should form an alliance," Teal'c replies.

"I learned a lot from Jolinar. Enough to know that we could be good friends. And frankly, enough to know that you are the Tok'ra." Sam sounds certain. Good enough for me.

Martouf seems confused too. "I believe this one speaks the truth. Perhaps we should…just listen to what they have to say."

At a signal from the other man, the Tok'ra lower their weapons, and I signal SG-1 to do the same.  
And then I get the chance to say something I've always wanted to. "Well that's better, isn't it? So, take me to your leader."  
"I will take you to whom you seek. But there is one condition. You must leave your weapons with us." Martouf seems to have gone quiet, leaving all the talking to the other one.  
"Ah, no. No."  
"They won't hurt us, Colonel." Again, Sam seems convinced.

"They're Goa'ulds, Carter."

"They won't hurt us."

"And you, what, feel this?"

"No, I can remember."

I'm still not convinced, but Teal'c seems to be.

"O'Neill, if they are the Tok'ra, we are in no danger."

"If you're asking for opinions, I vote we take the chance." Naturally, Daniel's for it.

Looks like I'm outnumbered. "Okay. But I want it understood that we're doing this in the spirit of future relations. I expect us to be treated as such."

Once we're disarmed, Martouf approaches again. "Please, come closer together."

"Why?" I know we want to be friends, but I didn't expect to start with a group hug.

"Jack." That tone from Daniel. Warning me not to make trouble.

"It's okay, Colonel." Sam's trying to reassure, holding my gaze for longer than our military positions would really warrant.

"Oh, it is?"

A moment later, rings appear from below, and seconds after that, we're underground in the strangest silver/grey tunnel I've ever seen. For now, it's just us with Martouf and the other one who seems to be a leader. He's the one who directs us along one of the tunnels. We follow.

Sam's excited. "This looks just like the place in my dream. But that was on the planet that we…they…were fleeing."

"It is said throughout the legend of the Tok'ra, when they arrive on a planet they go deep underground. It is said they possess the technology to actually grow tunnels." I'm happy to let Teal'c and Carter discuss the details. My eyes are open, taking in everything I can see.

"This looks like some sort of crystal material, so theoretically it could be grown."

"Apophis had me searching for tunnels such as these for many years. We never found them. It is believed when the Tok'ra move on, the tunnels are destroyed."

"So, Carter, Martouf?"

"Yes, Sir. I recognised him right away."

I try to push the resurgence of jealousy away. This is the man she's been dreaming about. The one she's seen when she looks at me. I wish I still had a weapon. At least I could grip it tighter.

Martouf gestures us into a room.

The other Tok'ra gestures towards a tall, dark-haired woman who's approaching. "People of the Tau'ri, let me introduce Grand Council Garshaw of Belote."

"Greetings." Goa'uld-voice.

"Hi." Well, keep it simple.

"You are Garshaw of Belote?" The name obviously means something to Teal'c.

"I am."

"She is the most hunted Goa'uld of all time," Teal'c explains.

"We prefer you to not refer to us as Goa'uld."

Seems like she's not as cool as she looks.

"Yeah, we got that earlier. What should we call you?"

"I assume you are from the first world, the Tau'ri. Is that correct?"

"Yeah."

"Were you among those who rid the galaxy of the Supreme System Lord, Ra?"  
Not sure where this's going. "Yup, that's us, that…that…yeah, we're those."

"Then in a sense, you are Tok'ra."

"Of course!" Daniel's got that look. He's worked something out. "Tok'ra. Tok…Tok Ra, against Ra! Thank you for sharing that."

"We still don't know what to call her," I point out.

"We, too, are Tok'ra."

"Finally!"

"It's a pleasure to meet you," Sam declares.

"I understand you were sent to us by Jolinar of Malkshur. Please, tell us how that came to be."

"Well, I, uh, it's a long story. Colonel O'Neill, Daniel and Teal'c were on this planet, Nassya, and the Goa'uld were attacking. They were evacuating the local people to Earth, and Jack brought back a man who was dying. When I bent down to check if he was alive, he jumped into me."

"Please, excuse me. Did you say that Jolinar's host was dying?" Martouf this time.

"Yes. He was dead when I checked. I'm sorry."

"But Jolinar lived on."

"Ah, yeah, for a while at least. Inside of me. Should I continue?" Sam looks uncomfortable, but Garshaw wants to hear the rest.

"Please."

Sam tells the story, but Garshaw has her back up at the point where she tells them that Jolinar infested her without her agreement. When she insists, she's accused of killing Jolinar. I'm not putting up with that.

"Look. We came here in good faith. But here's something you need to know. Jolinar took up residence in Sam's body, and he killed her child. She was pregnant. So, if anyone's got a reason to be aggrieved here, it's her."

There's a shocked pause.

"I do not believe that Jolinar would take a pregnant woman as host." Garshaw manages to make it sound exactly like she's accusing us of lying. My mouth is open ready to tell them what I think about that, but Sam's hand on my arm stops me.

"Jolinar's host was all but dead. I leaned over to feel for a breath when I felt a sharp pain in my throat. There's no way Jolinar knew I was pregnant until afterwards. I started to miscarry, but then it stopped. Our doctor said she thought Jolinar was asleep."

"Jolinar would have done that," Martouf agrees. "She would not wish to harm an unborn child."

"Didn't stop him/her killing our son!" I manage.

"Your son? How do we know you didn't kill Jolinar yourself? You certainly believe you have cause."

Again, Sam's hand on my arm stops me.

"An … assassin was sent to kill Jolinar. She would have slept until the baby was born, but when the assassin attacked, she had to be conscious. She knew she couldn't save herself, and she couldn't save our son, but she did save me. As to why you should believe me … you just do. We … wouldn't know how to kill a … Tok'ra … without killing the host."

There's a short silence, but when it's over, there seems to be some acceptance. Daniel, probably trying to give me a chance to calm down, asks a question I want the answer to.

"Why would someone choose to be a host?"

Garshaw bows her head, and the voice that answers is human in tone. She claims to be Yosuf, and she says she's happy with her life. The idea still gives me the creeps.

To help us understand, we're taken, under what looks like close guard, to a room a short distance away. There, an elderly woman is lying, apparently ill, two others tending her.

Yosuf speaks first. "Allow me to introduce Selmak."

Martouf adds, "Her host's name is Saroosh. She is one of the oldest and wisest among us, an important leader for our cause. However, she is unfortunately very ill, and will soon die."

"How old is she?" Daniel asks.

"She will be 203 of your years in a few of your days." Yosuf continues to speak for Garshaw.

"I'm sorry. I was under the impression that Goa'uld lived much longer than 200 years." Daniel's face is screwed up the way he does when he's confused.

"Goa'uld do, the Tok'ra don't," Yosuf replies.

"That's because you don't use the sarcophagus, right?" Sam realises.

"That's correct. We believe to do so would drain the good from our hearts," Martouf answers, looking specifically at Sam. I grit my teeth.

"I can vouch for that," Daniel agrees.

"That's why our numbers don't grow large enough to defeat the massive forces aligned with System Lords," Martouf adds. At least this time he's attempting to look like he's talking to all of us.

"Zero or negative population growth. Since you won't take new hosts by force, most of the time the Goa'uld dies with the host," Sam adds.

"And this is what is about to happen to Selmak," Yosuf explains. "Unless one of you wishes to volunteer to serve as a host." She's looking hopefully at each of us in turn.

"I'm going to pass on that," I tell her.

"Yes," Daniel agrees. "Although it does sound very fascinating, I think it's a little too long term for me."

Sam shudders, and I ache to put an arm around her. Can't though.

"I'm sorry; I've already been through that." She walks away, and I go to follow, but Martouf beats me to it. I want to follow her anyway, but it seems like everyone's going, so I go along.

When we catch up with them, Martouf's standing too close to Sam, and she's telling him not to sneak up on her.

"We didn't mean to upset you with the suggestion of becoming a host."

I get closer to Sam before speaking. "Well, as long as you take no for an answer."

"Be assured that we have never forced a human to become a host. It goes against all that we believe in."

"Can't say that's Carter's experience," I remind them.

"Yes, Sir, but I believe he was sincere about not wanting to hurt me. And I think he would've found another host once the baby was born. But …"

She takes a shuddering breath and I know she's close to losing it. Hell, I'm not far behind, except I'm more likely to hit someone. Instead, I put a hand on her shoulder. I want to do more, but I know she won't accept it here. She turns to face me, and I hope she can see what I'm thinking.

"I'm curious," says Yosuf, apparently not bothered by the exchange. "If you're not interested in becoming a host, then why did you seek us out?"

For once I'm relieved when Daniel butts in. I don't think I trust myself to answer. "To form an alliance."

"Yes, so you've said, but it's apparent that the thought of an alliance disgusts you."

"Wait a minute," Daniel continues the exchange. "You think by 'form an alliance' we mean we want to be hosts?"

"Well, what other sort of an alliance could a non-blended human and a Tok'ra want to have?"

"We do have a common enemy. We could share information," Sam suggests. She's pulled herself together again, and I'm amazed by her strength, not for the first time.  
"We can engage in battles, side by side," Teal'c continues.

A nod later, Yosuf's gone, and Garshaw's back. "I do not believe you could be of any service to us. You are neither strong enough, nor advanced enough."

Ok, I've kept quiet long enough.

"What d'you mean, not strong enough?"

"You are incorrect. It was these who destroyed two Goa'uld motherships," Teal'c adds.  
Garshaw doesn't seem happy about that. "That was you? We had operatives who died on board those vessels."

Daniel's muttered "Oh, boy," pretty much sums up my reaction too.

"We…we were only defending our planet," Sam points out.

"We didn't know that they had travelled to the Tau'ri. This information, it explains a lot. At least now we know how and why out operatives died, and for that we are truly grateful."

"So maybe there's something we can do?" Daniel asks.

Personally, I'd be happy to take the refusal and get out of here.  
"Perhaps you are correct. I will try to convince the Council of Tok'ra to meet with you," Yosuf – at least I think it's her – tells us before she walks away. All this voice-changing is confusing.

The guards that I thought were for her protection are still here, and I'm starting to get uncomfortable with that.

"Ah, excuse me?"

She stops and turns around.

"Are we prisoners here?"

"Well, ah, until we decide what level of information to entrust to you, um, we cannot allow you to roam this facility freely. I'm sorry."

She leaves. The guards stay.

Martouf takes the opportunity to sidle up to Sam again.

"Would you like to take a walk on the surface?"

"What?" I ask. I'm pleased my voice sounds so even.

"Why?" Sam asks. I'd be happier with 'No', but it'll do.

"I would like to hear more of Jolinar of Malkshur."

Sam turns towards me. She does this thing. Just looks at me, but I know she's asking me to understand. She turns back to Martouf. "Okay."

"That'd be good," I tell him, deliberately ignoring the fact that the invitation was just for her.

"I'm only inviting Captain Carter. What we have to discuss is private. I hope you understand."

"Actually, no, I don't." Just because her eyes want me to, doesn't mean I do.

"Colonel, I…I think I should go with him. I think I need to go with him. There're a lot of questions he could answer about Jolinar."

"I assure you, Sir, she will be very safe with me."

"Colonel, I need to do this, please."

"You sure?" I ask her.

She nods.

"Ok," I agree. Against my better judgement.


	15. Chapter 15

I recognised Martouf the moment I saw him. It was more than a visual thing; the recognition went much deeper than that – memories that I haven't come across yet playing in my mind as soon as I saw his face. And some of those memories were intensely private – moments I really didn't want to share. Yet, even as the memory plays, I know I've seen part of it, although before I saw his face, I would've sworn I didn't know anything so intimate about him. I feel myself blush every time he glances at me – something that happens with increasing frequency once he knows I harbour Jolinar's memories.

I know Jack's not happy about Martouf, although I don't really understand why. No, that's not true. He knows that Martouf was Jolinar's … lover … and he's worried that I might retain some of her feelings for him. And immediately after Jolinar's death, I was confused. I found myself imagining his face and feeling things that I normally feel for Jack. Now … it's less immediate. I imagine it's like the remembered feelings from a good relationship that's over. I say that because I've never experienced something as deep and all-encompassing except with Jack. Maybe it's the way Jack feels when he thinks about Sara – I don't know. Maybe if I could explain that to him, he'd understand.

For now, though, I've got to stop worrying about Jack. Jolinar saved my life, and I owe it to her to share what I can with Martouf. He asks me to go for a walk with him, making it clear that Jack's not invited. I agree to go, wishing I could give Jack some clearer sign not to worry, but it's hard while retaining the level of professionalism we've agreed to maintain. Proper reassurance will have to wait.

Once outside, Martouf turns to me, his expression one of concern. "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah, thanks."

"It brings you pain – remembering Jolinar?"

"No … yes. It reminds me of what I … what we lost."

"Your unborn child."

I nod, not quite trusting my voice.

"And Colonel O'Neill was the child's father?"

Another nod.

"But you are no longer together. Is that also a cause of pain?"

"No. What?"

"You are no longer in a relationship."

"No, I mean, yes. Colonel O'Neill and I are married."

"Forgive me for being curious. He does not behave towards you as I would expect of a husband."

"Not here, no. The Colonel and I are both members of our country's Air Force. They don't like personal relationships between officers – there are rules against it. We have to work together sometimes – like now, when the mission needs both of us – but we've got to maintain a professional relationship."

"Why would there be rules against personal relationships? Surely they strengthen both of you?"

"They're worried that our priorities will be affected."

"The ways of the Tau'ri are strange to me."

"And the ways of the Tok'ra are strange to me."

"Even though you have Jolinar's memories?"

"Maybe especially because of that."

"Would it be too painful for you to tell me of Jolinar?"

"I owe her that much. She saved my life, and I know she would have wanted me to do what I can to bring you comfort."

"Thank you. Can you tell me what became of her host?"

"He was one of many people evacuated from a planet that was under attack by the Goa'uld."

"He?"

"Yes. You're surprised?"

"Jolinar … had no gender, as such. But she was most comfortable in female hosts. If she took a male host, it must have been a method of hiding from the ashrak. Can you tell me of Jolinar's last days?"

"Well, it's kind of weird. Once she was gone, I was … an emotional wreck. Between flashes of her memories and losing the baby … I think the emotions I was feeling allowed me to … tap into Jolinar's memories. So, when I looked at Jack … the Colonel, sometimes I could see your face. It's like when I felt something, it triggered a memory that gave Jolinar the same feeling. What I know is that she sacrificed herself to save me. That speaks a ton about her character as far as I'm concerned. I know that she couldn't save the baby, that, if it hadn't been for the ashrak, she would've slept until he'd been born."

Martouf's face crumples a little.

"I'm sorry, are you okay?"

The voice that replies is eerily Goa'uld.

"I'm sorry, Martouf is having a more difficult time handling this than I am."

"So you're his symbiote, Lantash, right?"

"Yes. Martouf is the name of my host."

"Yeah, I knew that. I seem to know pretty much everything about you. You and Jolinar were very close."

"Jolinar and I were together for nearly…100 of your years. She was my mate."

"Oh. H…How does that work? She was whose mate? Martouf or Lantash?"

"Both."

His head ducks, and when he speaks again, it's Martouf. He's smiling.

"Now let me attempt an explanation. As I said before, ours is a truly symbiotic relationship. So what I feel, Lantash feels. And what Lantash feels, I feel."

"So when one of you is in love, you both feel it."

"Yes, we love as one. And, … and we mourn as one."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. We want you to truly comprehend this so that you'll better understand us."

"Okay, well, I am curious. What … what was Jolinar's host like?"

"Jolinar's host, Rosha, was very beautiful. She had eyes like the oceans of Marloon, hair was the colour of the sand of Abydos, and her smile was, … was as infectious as laughter. In fact, Rosha looked very much like you, Captain Carter. You are very beautiful. You would have made a wonderful new host for Selmak."

"You understand why I don't want that?"  
"Your experience of blending caused you great pain. And … I suspect your Colonel would not easily accept such a thing."

"That's for sure."

For a moment, I'm back in those early days. The pain of losing the baby and pushing Jack away is raw and exposed. I sit down on the edge of the dune. He seems to realise how I'm feeling.

"I didn't mean to upset you so."

He crouches close to me.

"It's just the thought of going through that again."

"Don't give it another moment's thought. I shouldn't have said even what I did."

"It's confusing. I've got all these feelings, but they're not mine. For a while, they were right there with my own feelings."

"But they're not now?"

"They're still there, but they're … more distant somehow."

"But they're still there?"

"Yeah. Like some pretty deep feelings for you."

"Jolinar left this imprint on your mind?"

"Yes."

"I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but…"

"No! It's just…what you had, you and Jolinar, you were in love longer than I've been alive! Longer than Jack and I'll have together."

"She left this feeling with you? You can feel how she felt for me?"

"Yes. And it confused the hell out of me. If it hadn't been for Jack …"

"He has helped you."

"What I feel for him is … closer, even more real."

"I could wish that wasn't so."

"You could wish, but that's how it is. I love my husband, and I won't do anything to hurt him."

"What about coming here with me now? Does that not hurt him?"

"A little, I think. But I'm hoping he'll understand."

"He doesn't strike me as an understanding man."

"You've got to understand that he was badly hurt when I lost the baby. And he didn't have the experience I did of knowing that Jolinar did what she could."

"He tends to believe the worst."

I shrug. I don't want to get into discussing Jack's faults or otherwise with him.

I hear Daniel's voice, and turn towards the sound.

"Sam."

"Daniel."

"Find out anything useful?"

"Some."

"Um, the Tok'ra Council's agreed to meet with us. Jack thought you'd want to be there."

"Yeah." And I've got some fences to mend. I wish he'd come himself.

Martouf tries to help me up, but I shrug his hand away.

We go back into the tunnels, where we're met by Jack, Teal'c, Garshaw, and some guards.

"Quite the place you've got here." I comment, now we can see it's more extensive that it appeared at first.

"Is it true these facilities are grown?" Teal'c asks.

"It is," Garshaw replies. "When we arrive at the new base, we plant certain crystals, and they grow into all that you see."

"Wow!" Daniel's impressed. Well, so am I, but I don't feel like making a big thing of it.

"How fast can you grow a facility like this?" Daniel continues the questions.

"Quite rapidly. We build only as we need. That is why we are only now adding the corridor and the Council chambers. See for yourselves." Garshaw gestures to where the tunnel ahead is expanding.

I glance round and see Jack returning to the group. I wonder where he's been, but assume he'll tell us later.

"What the hell?" he asks no one in particular.

The Council chamber is like the other rooms we've seen, except for a large table in the centre of the room.

"This Chamber is newly grown. Until now we had no reason to convene the Council of Tok'ra."

"So this is some sort of accelerated crystal growth?" I ask.

"That is correct. We have learned to pattern the natural tendencies of the crystal."

"Like a geode," I realise, but she doesn't answer.

"People of the Tau'ri, allow me to introduce the Grand Council of the Tok'ra." She gestures towards six people who've just entered. One of them was the main spokesman when we first arrived.

"Hiya folks, nice to meet ya," Jack greets them in his inimitable style.

"Uh, we're very grateful," Daniel adds more formally. "We're representatives of a planet called Earth."

To which Teal'c adds, "It is an honour."

The spokesman speaks. It turns out his name is Cordesh. "The council has reviewed your proposal of an alliance between our peoples."

"And?" I ask.

Another member of the council speaks. I didn't catch her name. "We would like you to understand our situation. We are an illegal resistance group within the Goa'uld. We are the most hunted, most hated enemies of the System Lords."

"Hey, we haven't made too many friends along the way either," Jack points out.

"The secrets of the Tok'ra would never be revealed," Teal'c adds. "It is not the way of the Tau'ri."

"Not intentionally," Cordesh counters. "But you might be followed to us; you might be tortured into revealing our whereabouts, or a spy might be introduced into your midst."

The woman speaks again. "We would like to know what you have to offer us that is of sufficient value to justify our exposure."

"Well, I think we've got a lot of things," Jack says, rather vaguely.

"The Tau'ri have become quite advanced," Teal'c points out.

"I'm sure we have something you could use," Daniel adds.

"Please, give us an example." That from Garshaw.

"Sure," Jack answers. "Daniel?"

"Er, well, I mean, after all, we…we have the same goals in mind," Daniel stumbles.

"Perhaps there's some technology that could be of use," I suggest.

"Technology other than our own is useless to us." Cordesh dismisses my idea. "We are infiltrators. We work from within the Goa'uld. Therefore it is important that we appear to be Goa'uld."

The Council moves to a corner of the room to discuss the matter. When Garshaw speaks again, it's bad news.

"I'm afraid we have made our decision. We have decided not to accept your request for an alliance."

"Therefore," Cordesh adds, "you shall be our guests until such time as we decide to move to another planet."

"What?" Jack demands.

"I'm sure you understand, with your knowledge of this planet, you have become a security risk. We cannot allow you to leave until we have moved somewhere else that you do not know about."

"We came here as friends. If this is how you treat people who want an alliance, I'm not surprised you're on your own!" Jack explodes. I put a hand on his arm. It seems to calm him a little.

"We are not the only ones who have knowledge of this planet," Teal'c points out. "Those we left behind also possess this knowledge."

"And you can be sure they'll send people to bring us back."

"It is our wish that your lack of return will convince them that we are Goa'uld and not Tok'ra."

"You want them to think that we're dead," Daniel points out.

"I knew we were wrong to trust you people," Jack shouts.

"I'm sorry," Garshaw says quietly. "We will try to make you as comfortable as possible."


	16. Chapter 16

We're taken to a room and left there. Alone, but the guards on the door make it a prison despite the lack of doors.

What's with that anyway? How can they live their lives without privacy? When we were walking towards the Council chamber, Cordesh left the others, and I followed him. I think he's up to something, and I've even got an idea what it might be, but right now, I've got no evidence, so saying something would only play into his hand.

As for being stuck here – I'm mad. I knew something like this would happen. There's just something about having a snake in your head that … Ok, no point in going over it now. Sam's just going to end up feeling guilty about this, and I don't want that.

"Well, this sucks," I mutter, trying to lighten the atmosphere.

"At least they don't want to hurt us," Daniel adds.

"From their perspective, we do present a risk to their security," Teal'c reminds me.

"But we don't. Come on. It's just …" I shake my head, frustration at not being able to do anything taking over.

Sam's quiet. She's sitting on a bench which is next to a wall, her eyes on her knees. I go to sit close to her, taking care not to actually touch. Although, under the circumstances, I'm not sure there's much point in maintaining that professionalism she's so hot about.

"You ok?" I ask.

It takes a second or two for her to answer. Her eyes turn to me but I swear they don't see me at first.

"What? Yeah. I'm fine. It's just …"

"You thought they'd want an alliance."

"Well, yeah. I think it's important. I think … Jolinar thought it would be important too. We're missing something. Something we need to offer them to seal the deal."

"Yeah, well, the only thing they want is hosts. And I can't see anyone in their right mind giving up their life for … that." I shudder. The idea of …

"Yeah," she says, but her eyes are distant for a few seconds.

"But … what if they weren't giving up their lives?"

"What do you mean? I know Yosuf says she's happy and all, but …"

"No. What if someone had no life to give up?"

"I don't think they want corpses."

"No, not … what about someone who's dying? Someone who doesn't have any sort of future to look forward to? Wouldn't life as a host be better than no life?"

"If you're asking me, then, hell no. I'd rather be dead than …"

"Ok, so you wouldn't choose it. But …"

"You're thinking about your dad, aren't you?"

She doesn't deny it.

"Look, Sam, I know you don't want to lose him, but would you really want him to be like … that?"

"I want to give him the choice."

"And what makes you think he'll even be given clearance to be allowed to choose? You know Hammond already tried that route!"

"And he said it wasn't granted because Dad had nothing to contribute to the program. What if … he could give us this alliance? That'd be worth something. Wouldn't it?"

I turn round. I know Teal'c and Daniel moved away while we were talking, trying to give us some level of privacy. I also know they must've heard most of it. Right now, they're both examining the walls.

"C'mere," I tell Sam. She hesitates for a second, then sees what I saw. The other two understand our situation, and they're willing to give us some space. She melts into my arms, and I hold her tight. I kiss her forehead, and she relaxes a little.

"You do what you think is right, Sam. If you think your dad might take the chance …"

"I'm probably being selfish. Dad and I've been … good since we got back. I mean, I don't see him that often, but when he's around … and I don't want to lose him."

"And he won't be around a whole hell of a lot if he's got a snake in his head."

"No, but he won't be around at all if he's dead."

"Like I said, Sam. If you think your dad will go for it …"

She jumps up, demanding to see Garshaw. One of the guards scurries away.

It doesn't take long before Garshaw and Martouf appear.

"What is it?" Garshaw sounds like she doesn't think much of being summoned by a mere human.

Sam ignores her abruptness. "A symbiote can cure most problems in a human, right?"

"Yes."

"Does that include cancer?"

Martouf looks confused. "What is cancer?"

Daniel saves us the full scientific explanation from Sam. "It's a disease in humans where the cells grow out of control, you get tumours…"

"Oh yes, it's a common ailment amongst your species. We cure it all the time; it's no problem." Garshaw dismisses it as if it's a simple cold.

"My father is a General in the Air Force. A senior officer who's spent his life in the service of his country. But he's got cancer. I think … I might be able to persuade him to … blend."

"With Selmak?"

"Yes. If Selmak can save his life, I think he'd be willing to try it."

"But you have to let us go back," I point out. If nothing else, it'll get us out of here.

There's a pause, and it's obvious Garshaw's thinking it over.

"I will let two of you go. But the rest will remain to ensure that you will return."

Shit. I was hoping we'd all get to go. Don't suppose I'd do any different in her shoes, though.

I'd be willing to stay and let Daniel take Sam back, but both he and Teal'c are determined that I need to go back with her.

"We'll be back," I promise them. "One way or another …"

To be honest, I don't have any idea how we'd get them out of here, even with a much larger force. But that's a worry for later. For now, we've got some serious persuading to do – not least getting the ok to even suggest this to Sam's dad.

JJJJJ

Persuading General Hammond takes about as much effort as I expected. In the end, I think he's only willing to go along with it because I'm trying to persuade him. He knows how much I was against the mission in the first place, and if I've been persuaded … But I haven't. Not completely. Sam … needs this. And even if Jacob won't agree to having a symbiote, at least he'll finally understand what she's doing with her life. I think she'd like that – especially if he's going to die.

When Hammond finally agrees, he arranges for Jacob Carter to be brought in immediately. We manage to get some time alone while we're waiting. It's hard – Sam's on edge, and I've got too much time to think about Martouf and what he might mean to her.

Remembering him … he seems younger than I am. Fitter too. He doesn't have to be careful of his knees or wonder how long it'll be before one of the injuries I've had over the years comes back to haunt me. And … from what I can see, the Tok'ra don't have kids, so he's not going to want … I'm still not sure I've convinced her that no matter how much I'd like kids, I want her more. She might see him as … a way out of our relationship … a way to something better. And if he can persuade her to be a host …

Sam spots what's going on in my head.

"What's up, Jack?"

"Nothing."

"Jack, are you worried about Martouf?"

"No … yes," I admit.

"You don't have to, you know."

I want to believe her.

"So, what did Marty want? Back on their planet."

"He wanted to hear about Jolinar's last days. They'd been together for so long … I owed him that much."

"And what about what Jolinar owed you?" I can't help the anger that creeps into my tone.

"Jack, I wish it hadn't happened the way it did. Truly. But … Jolinar didn't intend to hurt me … to hurt us. I'm sorry I can't make you see that."

"It might've been easier if they hadn't wanted to hold us against our will."

"Are you sure we wouldn't do the same? I mean, Teal'c wasn't exactly trusted at first either."

"I trusted him."

"I know, but … "

"I know," I accept. There are factions that still don't trust him.

"So you and Marty just talked?" I can't help myself. It's like a scab I've got to keep picking at.

"Yes, we just talked."

"And you couldn't do that with the rest of us?"

"It was … too personal for him. He didn't want to share his grief with … strangers."

"And you're not a stranger."

"Not so much."

"And you really don't want to take a symbiote? It'd make it easier to … get to know Martouf."

I know I shouldn't be saying it. But I can't help myself.

"No, I really, really don't want a symbiote. Look, Jack, I've been thinking about how to explain it to you. How I feel about Martouf. It's like he's someone from my past. Someone I had a good relationship with, but that relationship's over. And now, there's you. And only you."

I sigh heavily. "I … get that." I think of Sara. It's not the same, but maybe it's close enough.

"Good."

I pull her into my arms then. I want to believe her so much, and I'm scared that that's why it makes sense. And I'm still worried that if Jacob goes ahead with this, Sam'll have more reason to be involved with the Tok'ra … with Martouf. But she's holding me like she loves me, and I try to push the other thoughts away. I don't like it – the idea of an alliance with snakes of any colour. I don't like any of it. But I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy.

The disclosure goes much like I expected it to. Sam's dad assumes we're joking at first, and once he finally realises we're not, he's stunned. He keeps looking at Sam as if she's grown horns, but I know it's more that he knows he's underestimated her.

The final part of the meeting – a short description of how symbiotes work and how one might help him – that's the part where I thought we'd have problems. I decide to keep out of that as much as I can. Whether he decides to go for it is down to him, but Sam's need for him to agree is clear in her eyes. In the end, I'm sure that's what sways him. Well, maybe the prospect of visiting another planet helps. And once he's made the decision, there's no reason to delay. At least his condition isn't advanced enough that he's bedridden or anything. First thing next morning, we're all geared up, ready to gate out.

We arrive back at the Tok'ra base to chaos. I expected to find someone waiting for us – no doubt armed like last time – but there's no one, and the tunnels are a hive of activity. When we find Daniel, he's carrying boxes of stuff. I manage to stop him long enough to find out what's happening.

"Hey, what's going on?"

"They're evacuating. We're free to go, but since we want an alliance, we thought we'd … help."

"Evacuating? Why?"

"Come with me and I'll explain."

We find Teal'c, and Sam gets the chance to introduce her dad to the other two. Teal'c leads us to where our gear is stowed while Daniel explains that there are Goa'uld motherships on their way. The base will soon be under attack by the System Lords.

"Ok, I need to see Garshaw. Where's she?" I ask.

"Last saw her in the Council Chambers."

"Ok. Can you look after Sam and Jacob? I'll be back as soon as I can. Teal'c? You're with me."

Sam looks surprised that I'm not staying with her, and to be honest, that's what I want to do, but there's something else I need to do first.

As we walk through the tunnels, we see some side branches that're closing in on themselves. If we had time, it'd be quite a sight to watch.

"So fill me in," I demand. "How'd the System Lords find them?"

"That is unknown."

"Are we talking about a spy here, or what? 'Cos, if we are, moving to another planet's not going to do any good."

It's been niggling my mind since I saw it. When I followed Cordesh before the Grand Council meeting, I saw something in his hand that looked eerily familiar.

"Teal'c, you know those little pellet-ball things? The things you said Apophis used to talk to his troops on Klorel's ship."

"The long-range visual communications device?"

"Right. How small do they make those?"

"I have seen them small enough to fit in the palm of your hand."

We arrive at the Council chamber.

"Garshaw?"

"What can I do for you?"

"I think you might have a spy in your ranks," I inform her.

"Nonsense, the Tok'ra are loyal for life!"

"How then were you located by the System Lords?" Teal'c demands.

"How did you find us?" she counters.

"Jolinar," I remind her.

"I suppose you know the name of the spy?" By the tone of her voice, she doesn't think I do.

"I've got a pretty good idea."

"Who?"

"Well, I don't want to point fingers, but I'd keep my eye on Cordesh."

"Cordesh? Why do you say that?"

"You folks make a habit of walking around with those little teleball dealies … what are they?"

"He speaks of a long-range visual communications device," Teal'c supplies helpfully.

"We don't have those; we have no use for them. The system is not secure."

"Well, your buddy Cordesh has one."

Her manner changes instantly, and I really wouldn't want to be Cordesh now.

"Tok'ra kree! Tal shak Cordesh, kree!"

Everyone in the room apart from Teal'c and me run off.

"Ok, Teal'c. You find out what's happening. I'll go and see how Sam and Jacob are doing."


	17. Chapter 17

Dad greets me with a hug. Since I lost the baby, he's been unusually attentive, despite his own illness. Of course, he doesn't know the details of why I miscarried, and I've asked Jack not to tell him even if he gets clearance – for now, at least.

I honestly don't know what to expect when we tell Dad about the Stargate. He takes that remarkably well, although I can see that the possibility of having to share his body with a symbiote doesn't seem instantly appealing. I'm trying not to sway him; if he does this and then wishes he hadn't, he'll have a long time to regret it. And so will I.

When he agrees to think about the possibility, I'm relieved. It's late by then, and we decide that we'll leave first thing in the morning. We consider going home, but it seems simpler to just sleep on base.

Next morning, my initial wonder at the Stargate is re-awakened when we stand in front of it with Dad. He's scared. Oh, he's doing his best to hide it, but I can read that much from him. And I get that. It's a scary prospect. Sure, he'll die if he doesn't do this, but the alternative is a whole new life that's different from anything he's known so far.

We're surprised to find that there's an evacuation in progress when we arrive at the Tok'ra base. We manage to find Daniel and Teal'c who're free to go but who've chosen to help with the evacuation.

Jack asks Daniel to stay with me and rushes off with Teal'c to find Garshaw. I'm disappointed – I wanted him with us for this – but I know he must have a good reason.

We walk towards the room where Selmak and his dying host are waiting. We're greeted by Martouf, or rather, by Lantash.

"You have returned."

"Yes. This is my father, Jacob Carter."

"Honoured," Lantash answers before bowing his head.

"I am Martouf. You have a very special daughter."

"Why does he talk like that?" Dad asks.

"He's a Tok'ra, Dad. I told you about them."

"Oh, so these are the aliens you were telling me about?"

"Well, I don't know if I'd call them aliens, sort of half alien I guess. I mean, the outside is human, and the inside is shared between a human and a symbiote. Martouf is actually two different…souls, I guess, sharing the same body."

"And that's what you want me to become."

He looks over towards the bed and its elderly occupant.

"You got to be kidding me."

He pauses and then turns towards me. "I'm not sure I can do this, Sam."

"No one wishes to pressure you in any way, Sir," Lantash reminds us. "The decision is yours, but before deciding, might I suggest that you – you take a moment to get to know the symbiote that wishes to blend with you."

Dad points towards the woman on the bed. "This is her?"

"Actually, you can only see the host. The symbiote's inside her."

"Inside her."

"Talk to her, Dad. Get to know her."

The woman on the bed opens her eyes and looks at Dad. When she speaks, it's the symbiote in control.

"If you agree to the blending, we could be together for a very long time."

She starts to cough.

"You don't look so good." My dad has a gift for the obvious.

"You are no vision of beauty yourself, Sir!"

Dad laughs at that.

"I'm the one to whom you should be talking." The voice this time comes from the host.

"You are the one I'm talking to. Why did your voice change like that?"

"That's the host talking now," I remind him.

"I am Saroosh. I am in the position to help you most."

"How's that?"

"I will die, Selmak will live on, you will take my place as host."

"Um, I don't understand."

"Selmak is a wonderful Tok'ra. She is selfless and caring; she is good company. She has a wonderful sense of humour."

"Well, that's good, Dad, you can sit around for hours cracking yourself up."

"That's funny," he comments, but he's not laughing.

"She's not far wrong. I've had almost two hundred years of laughter thanks to Selmak. I'm biased, of course, but I believe that Selmak is among the best educated of the Tok'ra. You will probably be overwhelmed by the knowledge and wisdom you will gain upon blending."

"So, I get all of this thing's, uh, what did you call it? In their head?"

"Symbiote."

"Yeah. I get all its memories and stuff?"

"Yeah, Dad, something like that."

"Then I won't deceive you, sir. We have some pretty awful things buried in our memory."

"Such as?"

"Memories of countless Goa'uld atrocities, the loss of the host before me, and you will feel the mourning for my loss."

"Will you excuse me, Ma'am?"

He moves just outside the room where he's sick, throwing up whatever he ate this morning. "I'm sorry. I didn't want my future, um, I guess you could call her soul-mate, to see me like this."

"Dad, you don't have to do this."

"Yes I do. My only other choice is death, and that's not acceptable. Look, don't worry, it's not just hearing all that stuff that made me lose my stomach, it's the chemo. And the trip through that damn Stargate thing."

"It's okay. This is a lot of weird information for anyone to take in at once. Trust me, I know."

Because we didn't tell him the cause of my miscarriage, we also didn't mention that I had a symbiote, however temporarily. I don't want him biased against this like Jack would be.

"Okay."

We go back into the room

"Okay…what do I have to do?" Dad asks. He sits down.

"First, Selmak would like to interview you," Saroosh announces.

"Huh?"

"If I am to spend the next hundred or more years with you as my host, do you not think I have the right to decide if I even like you?"

Dad laughs. "What's not to like? Just ask my daughter, I'm a teddy bear."

"Oh yeah, real…teddy bear," I mutter.

"How do you feel about the Goa'uld?"

"Well, you're the first one I've met."

"I am not a Goa'uld."

"Ah, trick question?"

"Remember, Dad, I tried to explain the difference."

"Right, right, I-I apologise. I guess I've never met a Goa'uld before. Although from what Sam and her people tell me, I don't think I like them much."

There's an exchange between Martouf and Selmak, and Martouf leads me outside.

"Let's give them a few moments," Martouf suggests.

Dad reappears a short while later.

"You must hurry, we don't have a lot of time," Lantash reminds us before going to Selmak.

"Listen Sam, I was never good at this stuff."

"Dad, you don't have to say anything."

"You got to know one thing—how proud I am of you. I'm not good at saying these things enough."

"I think you just said it pretty well," I tell him, my voice unsteady.

"Even when I thought you were this whiz satellite geek, I was proud. That's all I want to say."

"Please, Dad."

"Hey, I know, I'm a pain in the ass." He laughs. "Maybe this Tok'ra lady will, uh, sand off some of the rough edges. It might be a good thing, right?"

"Could be."

"How's it going?" Jack appears from around a corner.

I shrug.

"You going for it?" he asks Dad.

"Yeah. I'm going to give it a try."

Jack keeps his face blank as Dad turns to go back into the room, and I follow.

"Okay, what do I do?" he asks.


	18. Chapter 18

I stay outside while Jacob goes in to … do whatever he's got to do. A few minutes later, Teal'c reappears.

"What happened?"

"Cordesh allowed himself to be crushed by one of the tunnels which was being destroyed."

"Ouch!"

"What is happening with General Carter?"

"He's going for it. In fact, it should be done by now."

I go into the room to find Saroosh covered with a cloth. Jacob's unconscious.

"You ok?" I ask Sam.

"Fine. He's alive. But he can't be moved for a while."

I nod.

There's movement outside, and I go out to find Garshaw there with Daniel and Teal'c.

"I must thank you," Garshaw tells me. "You may have saved the Tok'ra a great many losses."

"You're welcome," I answer.

"But, you still have nothing to offer us."

"What?" I can't believe her.

"Well, actually, I think we do," Daniel disagrees.

"Do we?" Teal'c doesn't seem convinced.

"Well, the one thing you need the most we can provide - hosts."

"Daniel?"

"Well, think about it. I mean, if it works for Sam's father, then there must be other people in similar situations," Daniel argues.

I shrug. "It's worth exploring," I admit.

To my surprise, Garshaw agrees.

A nameless Tok'ra appears to report to Garshaw.

"Our scouts have spotted the Goa'uld ships dropping from hyperspace." He turns towards us before continuing.

"They will start attacking from the air and through the Gate within hours."

"We must destroy the complex," Garshaw orders.

"We need time!" Sam argues.

"We can't move him yet," Martouf warns.

"But you understand what must be done," Garshaw answers.

"I do. I will ensure that the tunnels are destroyed before they can be taken by the Goa'uld." Martouf sounds determined.

Well, it looks like we're here for a while, so we might as well help. Sam goes back to her dad while the rest of us try to make ourselves useful.

As I'm hurrying along one of the tunnels, I spot a woman carrying a familiar silver box. She hurries away when she sees that I've spotted it. I follow her, but she starts to run so I chase her, grabbing onto her arm. Garshaw materialises from … wherever.

"What are you doing?" Yosuf's voice demands.

"I'll apologise if I'm wrong," I offer, taking the box from the woman. I was right! It's the telly-thing I saw Cordesh with.

"Cordesh had one of these."

I hand the device to Garshaw. "So there are two spies," Yosuf surmises.

"Or not. If Goa'uld can jump hosts to hide like Jolinar did …"  
Yosuf looks confused. "Cordesh?"

The other woman answers. "The plague that is the Tok'ra will soon be wiped out!"

"I am sickened to think I once called you my friend, Cordesh, but I want you to know—the System Lords will fall, but you won't be alive to see it."

She turns to a guard.

"Attempt to remove Cordesh from the host without harming her. Then put this traitor in one of the vanishing tunnels."

As the guards take Cordesh and his new host away, Garshaw kisses me on the cheeks. "I believe I shall be proud to call you friend."

I'm just glad Sam didn't see that!

JJJJJ

The evacuation is almost complete. I go back to where Sam and Martouf are waiting with Jacob.

"About everyone's gone," I tell them.

"We can't go yet." Sam shakes her head.

"How long?"

"It is hard to know," Martouf informs me. "It depends on how much damage has been done to the host's body and how weak Selmak is."

"So, what do we do?"

"We wait. You don't need to."

"You staying, Sam?"

She nods her head.

"Good enough," I tell her, putting an arm around her shoulders. If we need to get away fast, an extra man will only help. And there's no way in hell I'm leaving her. I've already sent Daniel and Teal'c to the gate, so that's it.

"You can't!" she argues. "If the Goa'uld get too close, Martouf will destroy the remaining tunnels and us with them."

"So? I'm not leaving here without you."

She glares at me, but knows I'm not going to change my mind, so we settle to wait.

JJJJJ

We can feel the concussions from the attack coming more and more frequently before Jacob wakens. He seems remarkably well as we rush towards the gate. We travel to Earth, but Martouf and Jacob have to leave immediately to join the other Tok'ra.

"Don't be a stranger, Jacob," General Hammond tells him.

"I won't," Jacob promises.

He shakes me by the hand.

"You look after my little girl."

"Always," I promise. He seems to accept that.

He turns towards Sam. She's got tears in her eyes as she hugs him.

"Hey, why the tears?"

Sam just shakes her head.

"Thanks to you, I've got something to look forward to other than a funeral. Wipe away those tears. Just … take care of yourself, Sam."

"I will, Dad."

And with a final hug, he and Martouf walk up the ramp towards the gate. Martouf turns at the top and looks at Sam, but she doesn't notice. She's looking from her dad to me.

When the wormhole closes, we've got to do a full debriefing with Hammond, and when that's over, we're finally able to go home. I don't know exactly what to expect from Sam. She's been through the mill these last couple of days, and that's not counting what happened before. She's finally been able to meet someone who was very important to Jolinar, but now he's gone and so is her dad.

She's quiet on the way home, and I don't know what to do for the best. Does she need some time alone, or does she need me to stay close? Does she need some peace, or should I take her out and try to give her something else to think about? I don't know.

She goes inside, takes a look around, and sighs deeply.

"I'm going to take a bath," she says, softly.

"Good idea! Take some time, wind down," I answer. I'm on edge. I could do with winding down too. She doesn't seem to notice.

She goes off, and I hear water running while I sit to watch some TV. Or not. The set's on, but my mind's with her. She appears half an hour later, wrapped in a towelling robe.

"What's up?" she asks.

"Nothing. Why?"

"I … you didn't come in. I … thought you would. Y'know, …"

"I thought you wanted some time on your own."

She shakes her head. "Not really."

"Hungry?" I ask. I'm sure there're some eggs or something.

"Not really. Maybe later. You?"

"Nah."

"Good."

She walks towards me, unfastening the belt of her robe as she approaches. She takes my hand and pulls me to my feet. It doesn't take a genius to work out what she wants, and I'm more than happy to respond. I take her in my arms and kiss her. When I pull away for air, she smiles up at me, then turns and leads me to the bedroom.

Much later, over a late-night omelette, I ask her about Martouf.

"How was it … meeting him?"

"Very strange. It felt like I already knew him, but …"

"How about Jolinar's feelings?"

"I was aware of them – of the way she felt about him – her and Rosha. But he's not you."

"No, he's in better shape than me for a start."

"He's not you, Jack. I can remember how Jolinar felt about him but that doesn't mean I feel like that. I … think we could be friends if he was around enough, but I love you. You were worried, weren't you?"

"Of course I was worried. Scared might be closer."

"I get that. I … think that's how I'd feel if you'd had the symbiote."

"You'd be worried I'd be interested in Martouf?"

"Well, maybe not in the physical sense, but in an attractive female host …"

"So you admit you found him attractive."

"Not really. I mean, he's an attractive man. I'm married, not dead. Just like Daniel's attractive. And Teal'c. And …"

"I get the idea."

"It's the whole package that I love. Someone else in your body … wouldn't be the same."

"Well, I'm not planning on letting anyone else in here with me, so it looks like you're safe."

"Good."

"You've been dreaming about him."

"Martouf? No. Well, maybe once or twice."

"More than that. I doubt you even remember all of them. You call his name in your sleep. Sometimes, I'm pretty sure it's … you know, … that sort of dream."

"Never, Jack. I've never …"

"Like I said, you probably don't remember. Most of the time you don't wake up, and the dream passes … Maybe I …"

"Should've told me?"

"Well, yeah."

"'Cos if you had, I would've told you that I don't want him."

"But you wouldn't know that. Not until you met him."

"I knew. Sure, in the early days it was confusing, but even then, I knew what was important to me. That whole thing … locking you out … was to protect you as well as me. Because I love you."

I try to point out what a stupid way she had of showing it but she stops me.

"I know. I went about it all wrong. Although I still feel a little guilty. I remember how happy you were about the baby."

"Only because he was ours."

"But …"

"No buts. Sam, if I've got you, I'm happy. Anything else is just … extra."

"But …"

"But nothing, Sam. And I'm not going to change my mind, so quit worrying about it."


	19. Chapter 19

Sometimes I wonder if Jack and I'll make it. I mean, between us, we've got more insecurity than most people I know. But then, we've got more reason for being insecure than most people. He thinks Martouf will come between us, while I'm sure that, sooner or later, my unwillingness to have children will drive him away. All I know is that I need him so much it scares me. I tried going it alone, and I failed. I was miserable, and in time, I would have had to get out – leave the SGC so I wouldn't have to see him. And then? I'm not sure I would have had any point to my life.

So, for now, I've got what I need. I've got Jack, and I'm part of the battle against the Goa'uld. I'm probably doing a better job than I would if I'd still been a full time member of SG-1. I mean, yesterday's mission with SG-5 is a perfect example. That artefact we came across – it couldn't be moved and it had no visible symbols or anything on it. They were convinced it was purely decorative, and prepared to write it off as such. Their scientist is a botanist, and while I'm sure he's good with plants, he missed the energy signature from the unit. Yeah, it was low, and at a combination of frequencies that, when combined, seemed to be pretty much random. It was only when I took the time to fully analyse the signal that it was obvious that it could be important.

It'll take a couple of days to put together everything we need, but that gives me the chance to spend more time with Jack. He's due back soon, and as usual, I'm in the control room. It's only been a short mission, but I need to see him back safe. At last, they stumble through the gate, suited up due to the lack of breathable atmosphere where they've been. They're carrying what looks to be a metal sphere, and Daniel's expression, even through the visor, is excited and happy. Jack looks irritated, and Teal'c's, well, Teal'c.

There's already a containment team standing by – standard procedure when something unknown's brought back. The sphere is whisked away before the team can even finish removing their helmets.

As soon as his is gone, Jack glances up to the control room and smiles. I grin back. It's good. He's safe, and his next mission – slated for tomorrow – is to an unoccupied, primordial world. It shouldn't be too dangerous.

I go back to what I'm doing. It's just a series of routine diagnostics – or at least, they'll be routine once I've ironed out the details. I could've chosen to work on them any time, but coinciding them with SG-1's return just seemed like a good idea. If General Hammond has noticed how I try to keep control-room tasks for times like this, he hasn't commented. I mean, if there was something else that couldn't wait, then I'd be doing that. But while I've got a choice, where's the harm?

I'm called to the team's debriefing session, to find out more about the sphere.

"Its internal temperature is being maintained at a constant level – much higher than ambient there, and apparently, it's still constant despite being moved to the much warmer SGC," Daniel informs us. "I think it's some sort of time capsule. The planet was dying – and we're talking a long time ago. Mankind here might have been walking on two legs, but not by much. I think the people of that planet built this … sphere … and set it up with some sort of energy source to keep it safe until someone came along to retrieve it. The surface's covered in writing, but it's tiny, and I'm going to need some serious magnification to try to read it. Imagine what sort of information it might contain!"

"And Sir," I continue. "If it has a power source that's lasted for that sort of time, we definitely need to find out how it works. The advantages such a power source could afford, well, they'd be immeasurable."

"I understand, Captain. In terms of priorities, do you consider this sphere or the artefact you discovered on P4X-775, to require the more urgent use of your time."

"With what we currently know, Sir, I'd say this sphere."

"That's what I thought. I'll find a replacement for you on the team to go to P4X-775. In the meantime, you can investigate the sphere."

"Thank you, Sir."

"General Hammond, the writing on the sphere … Sam's going to need me to help translate."

"Daniel, you know we're due to go off world again tomorrow," Jack reminds him. Daniel flashes him a look of irritation.

"But surely this is a better use of my time, Jack. What's the point of taking an archaeologist to a world that's never had a civilisation?"

"You're part of a field team, Daniel. That means you spend time off world."

Daniel turns to General Hammond.

"Sir, please."

"You both have valid points," General Hammond admits. "However, I have limited flexibility as regards the timing of off world missions. I need to show the Pentagon that field units are spending time in the field in order to maintain appropriate funding. The best I can do is to postpone your next mission by twenty-four hours."

"But, Sir, SG-1 can go without me!"

"Dr. Jackson, as you already know, SG-1 has been operating as a three-person team for some time. Thanks to Colonel O'Neill, there are few if any scientists at the SGC who will willingly join SG-1, and since this mission shows no requirement to have a team of four, it was allotted to SG-1. You have a twenty-four hour delay. Depending on what Captain Carter and her team can discover by then, I may revisit your involvement. Am I clear?"

"Yes, Sir," he answers, not even trying to hide his disappointment.

"Has the sphere been checked out yet?" Daniel demands as soon as we exit the briefing room.

"I don't know. They should've been able to complete the decontamination protocols by now, but I asked for it to be delivered straight to the lab when they'd finished."

Sure enough, by the time we get to the designated lab, it's already there. Lieutenant Simmons is up in the control room overlooking the lab, finishing the set up of the equipment I specified to measure everything we do to it.

"You just about ready up there?" I ask.

"Sure. It just needs final connection at your end, and we're ready to go."

Daniel goes straight to the camera, training it on the text and enlarging it on a laptop, while I make the necessary connections to the sphere so we can measure its reaction to everything we do to it.

"I'll be back in a minute, Daniel," I promise. "I've just got to go over the test protocol with Lieutenant Simmons."

"Sure," he says, absent-mindedly. He's studying the script on the laptop screen and furiously making notes at the same time. I doubt he even heard what I said.

A short while later, I'm ready to start my part of the job. We start by scanning the unit using a variety of signals, varying the intensity and recording the results. The only problem is that there aren't any … results that is. Whatever we do to the thing, it doesn't give us any new information.

Several hours later, I decide to involve Janet so we can use some equipment more normally used to scan human bodies. While she's doing that, General Hammond demands an update. Again, Daniel's not impressed at being dragged away, but he's also upset that he's made very little progress.

"There's so much information on the surface – I estimate around the equivalent of a thousand pages. It's going to take a long time to get it all translated."

"You may not have a lot of time," General Hammond warns. "The NID has already expressed an interest in taking a look at it. Not that I don't respect your abilities, but they might be better placed to assign personnel to the project full-time, while you all have responsibilities in other directions."

"I wouldn't recommend moving the thing anywhere for now," Jack intercedes.

"I agree," I add. "We currently have no idea of its composition or purpose. We've already potentially added a couple of elements to the periodic table, and that's just from the surface. Dr. Fraiser is supervising some further tests on the internal composition as we speak, but so far, we have nothing."

"Well, Captain, I think I can allow you a few more days, but Dr. Jackson will have to ship out tomorrow. Dr. Jackson, is there someone who could record the information from the sphere's surface for you? That way you could continue to work on the translation even if it's removed to another location."

"I suppose so, Sir, but … I think the translation needs to be happening in conjunction with the scientific investigation. What if some of that writing is a warning of what will happen if we treat the sphere with something?"

"Has the sphere given any indication thus far that it could be dangerous?"

"No, Sir," I answer quickly. "So far, it's given us no reaction, and the small amounts of radiation coming from it are pretty much harmless."

"Very well. Continue to work on it for now, Captain. However, if it hasn't given up any secrets in the next couple of days, I will no longer be able to refuse access to it by the NID."

And that's it. Looks like we're on a timetable, but what's new? Daniel disappears as soon as we're dismissed, but Jack catches up with me before I can do the same.

"Anything I can do?" he asks.

"No, not really. We're just going through a pre-prepared series of tests."

"We?"

"Lieutenant Simmons and I."

His eyes narrow.

"And I don't need you in there scaring him."

"Would I do that?"

"You've got to admit, Jack, you make him nervous, and I don't think it's accidental."

"Well, he watches you."

"And he knows I'm married. And what about that pretty nurse that just started at the infirmary? She always makes you very welcome."

"She's just friendly," he hedges.

"Well, maybe I should persuade her to be less friendly," I offer.

"You wouldn't."

"I might if you keep trying to terrify Lieutenant Simmons. He's good at what he does, but he's liable to make mistakes when he's got you growling at him."

"I don't growl."

I smile at him. He knows I'm right.

"Ok, I'll stay away. For a while. But I need Daniel fresh and ready for tomorrow, and if I need to remind him …"

"Fine."

"And I was hoping we could go home tonight …" he suggests.

I sigh. I was hoping that too, but if we've got limited time to investigate the sphere …

He must read my thoughts on my face. "I know," he mutters. "Another night sleeping on the base."

"Thanks, Jack. I'll make it up to you."

"Oh, you will," he promises, walking away.

I wonder what I've let myself in for.


	20. Chapter 20

Early next morning I head up to the lab. I know Sam and Daniel will still be there, but I need to make sure Daniel gets some sleep before we ship out. I know he thinks he can get by with strong coffee, but it's when he's strung out like that, that accidents happen.

Not that I'm the person to talk. I don't sleep well without Sam any more. Oh, I can cope for a while, but it's like I'm off world. I sleep, but not the way I do when I'm with her. I wake up feeling like I've spent the night tossing and turning – which, judging by the state of the sheets is probably what I have done.

Still, I've got to make a point, so I put on an act as I walk in.

"Good morning, Campers," I greet them.

Sam looks guiltily at her watch while Daniel tries to play innocent.

"It's not morning already," he claims. I point at my watch, forcing him to look at his own.

"Ah," he manages.

"Made any progress?"

"A … little," he tries.

I turn my attention to Sam.

"No, not really."

"Ok, so if you're not making progress, I think you should go and get some sleep."

"But Jack, …"

"No buts. Go. Sleep. I don't need you falling over your own feet later."

He's about to argue when Simmons' voice cuts in.

"There's something happening. We've got a spike. An EM spike across the Y band."

"What?" Sam demands.

"Sam?" I try to get her attention back to the sphere. She glances over, and her mouth opens.

"The internal temperature's rising," Simmons warns.

"Radiation levels?" Sam asks.

"Alpha particle radiation generation within the object's magnetic field is increased four…six hundred percent."

"Sir, I recommend we return the artefact to P5C-353 now."

"Daniel, go and dial the gate. This thing is going back where it came from."

Just then, the sphere starts to glow and seems to … expand round the middle, almost like an egg hatching.

A spike emerges from the sphere then, and Simmons is giving a commentary on the increasing temperature of the thing.

"We'll have to suit up," Sam reminds me.

Teal'c has appeared during this, but doesn't speak.

"No. We'll just throw it through. Teal'c, help me here."

Between the three of us, we get the sphere released from the clamps that had been holding it in place, and with Sam clearing a path for us, Teal'c and I run to the Gate room, just in time to see the final chevron engage. I tell Sam to get out, and for once she does as she's told. The wormhole opens, but before we can move it closer, more spikes emerge, one driving into the concrete floor. Then, my shoulder's caught, and there's pain as I'm lifted off the floor and pinned to the wall, one of the metal spikes through my shoulder.

What happens then becomes less and less clear. All I know is that the pain in my shoulder is robbing me of the ability to think. Sam's there, though, holding my hand, while she and others discuss options.

I tell Teal'c to kill the thing, and he runs off, returning a few moments later with his staff weapon. He points it at the sphere.

"I would suggest that you leave," Teal'c warns, looking around.

General Hammond agrees, and a moment later, it's just him and me. He fires, and the agony in my shoulder increases. I tell him to do it again, and he does. This time, the pain is almost enough to make me pass out.

Sam appears, insisting that the sphere's just absorbing the energy. I'm not sorry that Teal'c's not going to fire again.

Siler arrives with a cutting torch. It seems to take forever, but finally he tells us that he's almost through. And then, without warning, the spike grows, pushing through my shoulder again and becoming more firmly embedded in the wall behind me. That was my hope. That I'd get free. That I'd be able to do my bit to stop this thing. I can't help it. This time there're tears, and I'm grateful it's only Teal'c who can see.

Janet increases the pain med., and I drift. I'm aware of the efforts around me, but the only thing that really breaks through, is whether or not Sam's with me.

Soon, she isn't, but Teal'c is. Sam's with others trying to work out how to beat this thing, and Daniel's involved too. There's something new now. It's not just pain, I'm shivering, but I know I'm too hot. Janet appears and gives me a shot of something else – something to beat the infection. It doesn't make sense.

I catch a glimpse of Sam in the control room. She's doing … something up there, and she looks down towards me. She looks scared. I want her here, but I know she needs to be up there.

I'm not used to this. Being in pain … being in danger … those I'm used to. Not wanting to deal with it alone – that's different. Teal'c's great. Really. He's a steady presence, but it's not his presence I need.

For a while, I'm in the dark. Something about light helping this … thing – bacteria, virus, whatever – grow. Doesn't make a lot of difference to me. The drip the doc.'s got me on makes it hard to keep my eyes open.

The pain never goes completely. It varies, but with the evidence of my fever, it's always there.

There's a sudden commotion, and I open my eyes just as the lights come on around me. Sam's there. I smile, or I try to. I tear my eyes away from her to find that Daniel and Hammond are there too. I think I drift off again.

"Jack." Sam's voice pulls my attention back to her.

I smile again. I wonder if this means there's no hope. She wouldn't be here if there was something else she had to try.

"We think the … entity has been trying to communicate. It's taken over the computers, but we can't understand what it's saying. We think … it might use you, if we let it."

"Use me?" I can't concentrate.

"To communicate. It's set the self-destruct for the base and we can't shut it off. If it blows, this thing will destroy everything. We've got to try."

"Use me to communicate," I repeat, slowly. "Whatever you need."

She reaches out a hand to stroke my face. I close my eyes to concentrate on the feeling.

"Jack, we're going to cut off the medication – both the antibiotic and the pain relief. You need to be … lucid. You ok with that?"

"Whatever you need," I repeat.

"Jack, you might not survive this," she says, softly, close to my ear. Her voice is unsteady.

I don't think I got everything she's told me, but I know she's in danger. I don't need to know anything else.

There's pain again, sharp waves of it, and I feel my body shudder in response, as Teal'c fires his staff weapon at the orb again, but there's nothing I can do. And then, there's darkness.

I don't know how long that lasts. I'm aware that my head is being lifted up, but I'm not doing it. And then I'm speaking, but it's not me.

"Good morning, Campers."

I open my eyes. Or they're opened for me. "This is truly a strange feeling."

All I can see is Sam. All I want to see is Sam.

"Jack?" she asks.

"Yes, he is here," my voice responds.

General Hammond moves forward, taking my attention from Sam. I try to force my eyes back to her, but something won't let me.

"We are also here," it answers.

"My name is …," Hammond starts, but it interrupts.

"Hammond, yes, O'Neill knows."

"Then you should also know we mean you no harm."

"You awoke us."

Hammond takes a deep breath. "We have only recently become aware of your existence."

"You would have returned us to our former world."

"We believed you were a threat to us," Teal'c puts in.

"We feared you," Daniel adds.

"And your fear would have destroyed us." There's a pause, and then it continues. "Millennia ago, our world was dying. We could no longer live there. For this reason, we created the orb."

"Where you've slept for a hundred thousand years," Daniel supplies.

"Yes, Daniel."

"Waiting for someone like us to come along, take you through the Stargate."

"As it was written on the surface of the orb. Once exposed to the atmosphere of a living world, we went forth."

"And multiplied."

"So it was written. We cannot go back."

"We cannot allow you to stay," Hammond states.

"O'Neill feels this, as well. However, you have allowed us no alternatives."

"General," Sam breaks in. "We're almost out of time."

"This place," Hammond says as he takes a breath. "Admittedly out of our ignorance, is about to be destroyed by an explosion."

"Such energy only serves to nourish us. We will multiply and consume your world."

"If you could allow us to restore our communications, we could stop that from happening," Hammond suggests. "We would survive."

"O'Neill desires this as well. He wishes to live. But, what of us?"

"P4G-881," Daniel announces. "It's primordial. Lots of oxygen and sunlight, just like this one was a quarter of a billion years ago."

"Sir, we can't operate the Stargate without the computers," Sam points out.

"You would send us there? Through your Stargate?"

"We would," Hammond confirms.

"For what reason?"

"So that we both may survive."

The control the entity had been exerting leaves, suddenly, and my head lolls back to hit the concrete behind me. Any strength I appeared to have a moment ago is gone.

"We'll take you there ourselves," Daniel promises, an edge of panic to his voice.

I hear the sound of things around us powering down, and then a distant voice telling us that everything's shut down.

"God help us," Hammond mutters. He thinks it's over, and I haven't got the strength to tell him otherwise.

The next thing I hear is an announcement that the computers are rebooting, and a moment after that, Hammond's order to dial P4G-881 as soon as it's possible.

As I hear the Stargate dialling, the control reasserts itself. The spike through my shoulder withdraws, and any associated pain is being blocked. I get up from my perch and walk to the sphere. It glows, and the various spikes retract into it. When the gate is open, I pick it up and walk towards the event horizon. All around me, I can hear the warnings that the self-destruct is imminent, but I can do nothing but continue, placing the sphere in the puddle and pushing it gently on its way.

And then, there's a vague sensation of falling, followed by nothing, until Sam's there, with Teal'c and Daniel just behind her.

"Jack?"

"I'm fine," I answer her. Her hand's on my face, and I just savour the moment before, between them, they help me up, and we make our way to the infirmary.


	21. Chapter 21

In some perverse way, knowing that we were all going to die made it easier. When it was just Jack at risk, I was terrified. Once I knew I wouldn't survive him, it was like the pressure was lessened. Not that I want to die. I don't. I just don't think I'm ready to live without him. And I don't think I'll ever be.

It took a surprisingly short time for him to recover. Once the sphere was gone, the rest of the organism was destroyed by the antibiotics pretty fast, and Jack was home again within a few days – although the physical damage to his shoulder will keep him earth-bound for a while. Lieutenant Simmons wasn't so lucky. The organism had attacked so many of his systems that, even once Janet could get hold of an alternative antibiotic, he was stuck in the infirmary for weeks. I made a point of visiting him as often as I could, finally persuading Jack to give the poor man a break.

The big news of the next few weeks saw us making contact with the Asgard. Not that they're going to help us or anything. It's just that, because of our mission there last year, we left the people on Cimmeria open to Goa'uld attack. They managed to get a message to us, telling us what happened. We went back to help, and found that they'd been left a means of proving that they were ready to have contact with the Asgard as they are, rather than as the Norse gods. It took a bit of thinking, but between Daniel and me, we were able to get through the tests Thor had set up. We explained the situation, and the next thing we knew, we were back in the open air with no idea what was going to happen. Fortunately, Thor took our warning seriously, and arrived a short while later to remove the Goa'uld who'd come to the planet, and provide a new version of Thor's Hammer – the device we destroyed. So, they know we're out there, but they still think we're too primitive to have direct contact with them. All in all, Jack was disappointed. Me too, if it comes to that.

Shortly after that, we have a visit from Bra'tac, telling us that Apophis has returned to Chulak. Now that's not welcome news. We thought we'd heard the last of him after his abortive attack on Earth. Far from that, he's taken Teal'c's son, so we go to retrieve him, only to find that Ry'ac has been brainwashed. We manage to bring the boy to Earth, finding it too easy, for the good reason that, for the second time, the Goa'uld are willing to use a child as a weapon. Fortunately, after the experience with Cassie, Janet is able to defuse the potential threat, and with help, Ry'ac is able to overcome his brainwashing.

The whole episode is hard on all of us. Teal'c for obvious reasons, but I know it's hard on Jack too. Seeing Teal'c with his son must remind Jack of the two sons he's lost, and, not for the first time, I'm amazed that the sorrow in his life hasn't turned him into a man incapable of love. If anything, it's had the opposite effect on him. I've never known a man who seems to love as deeply as Jack does, and I'm reminded yet again of how lucky I am that I have him.

About a month after that, Jack and I are summoned to Washington to receive medals from the President. Of course, it doesn't go the way it was intended. There's an urgent message from the SGC as soon as we arrive in Washington, and we've got to return to Colorado. And, of course, the President can't re-schedule.

We're directed to the briefing room and find my father there with General Hammond. Daniel's gone back on a day-jaunt with Teal'c to Abydos.

Dad gets up as I go in, holding out his arms for a hug. If anything, I'd say Selmak's made him more demonstrative than before.

"How're you doing, Sam?" he asks.

"Good."

"Sorry about today. I would have come some other time if I'd known."

"Don't be silly. It's fine."

"I'll present the medals myself later," General Hammond promises.

"So, it must be important," Jack points out. "You're not really much into social calls."

"Believe me, if this had been a social call, I wouldn't have had George bring you back from Washington."

We take our seats around the table, and Dad starts to explain his presence.

"We've had recent reports that Heru'ur is taking steps against Apophis' territory."

"That's what you expected, right?" Jack points out.

"We knew with certainty that some Goa'uld would attempt to do so," Selmak answers. "But there was always some doubt which would be the one to succeed."

"So, Heru'ur. What's so special about him?"

"Well, he's the offspring of Hathor and Ra," I realise, speaking aloud.

Jack gives me a look, but I just shrug. Sometimes information just pops into my head like that. Dad looks at me thoughtfully for a moment before continuing. General Hammond looks a little uncomfortable. Of course, he met Hathor last year. I read the report, and I know that without Janet, Sandy Joyce and Teal'c, things might have turned out very differently.

"And Heru'ur 's got a reputation for cruelty – even among the Goa'uld," Dad adds.

That's all we need.

"And?" Jack's impatient. He knows there's something Dad hasn't told us yet.

"And we've heard about two plans Heru'ur has to ensure supremacy. The first has something to do with Apophis' queen – Amonet."

"What?" Jack demands.

"Sorry, we don't know any more about that one."

"And the other plan?" I ask.

"The other one …" He pauses, and I know it's bad before he speaks. "Heru'ur has taken the twins and their parents."

I instantly feel a tightening in my throat and my stomach's churning.

Dad continues. "It would appear that Char'ak was betrayed. He was fed information that the twins were due to be taken, but instead he led Heru'ur's loyal Jaffa to the family. He's dead. We're still trying to get information on where they were taken. Our operative in that part of Heru'ur's organisation has missed his agreed contact time. We're hoping he's been delayed, but …"

"It's possible he was discovered," General Hammond finishes.

"Quite possible."

"So, what can we do?" Jack demands.

"Jack, there's nothing you can do – not until we get some information on where they are."

"Where's Heru'ur?"

"Heru'ur is personally involved in the search for Apophis' queen. He left it to one of his … associates … to deal with the twins."

"Dad, we can't just sit here when …"

"I know, Sam. I know. But … I promise that, just as soon as we have an idea where they are, I'll get the information here."

"And you both know that if it's at all possible, I'll sanction a mission to retrieve them," General Hammond adds.

I nod, not trusting my voice. I glance at Jack. His fists are clenched and everything about his posture screams his frustration at not being able to do anything.

"I'm going to have to get back." Dad's voice gets through my thoughts.

"Thank you, Jacob, Selmak," General Hammond says, standing to shake Dad's hand. Dad then turns to me, holding out his arms.

"We'll get them back, Sam. If there's any way, we'll get them back."

I hug him, trying to believe what he's saying. Just the thought of Cal and Shanna being back in the grips of some Goa'uld …

We see Dad through the gate, and General Hammond turns to us.

"I know it's not what you want to hear, but Dr. Jackson's expecting you on Abydos," he reminds us. "If you come to my office, I'll do the medal ceremony, and then you can go."

The medal ceremony is a blur. I think I manage to thank General Hammond.

We go to gear up then, and I stand for a while, not seeing anything, until I feel Jack's arms around my waist.

"We'll save them." He sounds sure, but I know he's no more sure than I am.

"I hope so."

"Look, we'll go to Abydos, collect Daniel and Teal'c and then we can come home. Your dad promised to get us the details of where they are. And we've got some other options – make sure all teams realise we need this information. We'll find them. There's no alternative."

I let him hold me for a moment before pulling away.

"I'll be fine. Let's go see Daniel."

He gives me a tight smile and a nod.

Our trip to Abydos doesn't turn out like expected. Well, we find ourselves in the midst of Heru'ur's plan for Apophis' queen. Thanks to some quick thinking by Teal'c, Heru'ur was prevented from taking the child Sha're had been carrying, while Apophis will blame him anyway. That part of things seems sorted – at least for now. Daniel's a mess. And I'm no use to him. Knowing what happened to Sha're is just serving to bring back memories of my own pregnancy – and I can't deal with it yet. I know Jack tried to speak to Daniel, but it can't be any easier for him. At least Daniel thinks he'll be ok eventually.

As for the twins … I can't get them out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, I can see their faces, and I know just how far Heru'ur might be willing to go to achieve whatever it is he wants. Jolinar's memories have given us some good things. But with the good, I've got a lot of memories I'd prefer not to have. Among them are memories of torture meted out by the Goa'uld to Jolinar and other Tok'ra over a period of time that to me, is essentially forever. And much of it's worse than my imagination could come up with.

We don't talk much about the twins. Maybe we should, but … we don't. I know Jack's upset, but every time conversation turns towards them, he shuts down. I don't know why, but I don't really want to talk about them either, so I don't push it.

Every time there's an unscheduled visitor, I immediately hope that it'll be news about the twins. And every time, it's something else.

I get an unexpected opportunity to command a mission a few weeks later. I joined SG-1 in a briefing with General Hammond where he told us that SG-11 were two days late reporting from their mission to PXY-887. They were supposed to be excavating further samples of trinium – a metal with properties that could turn Earth materials-science on its head. During the briefing, there was an unscheduled off world activation, and we all rushed down to the briefing room. No one came through, but, as if to prove the advantages of trinium, an arrow tipped with the metal pierced the reinforced glass of the control room and lodged itself in Jack's shoulder. That left him temporarily incapacitated, and me in command of SG-1.

We eventually found SG-11, but not before we met yet another group of advanced aliens who don't seem to want to help us against the Goa'uld. Still, we managed to get away without any real damage, providing we don't try to mine trinium there again.

And the waiting continues.


	22. Chapter 22

Waiting for news of the twins leaves both Sam and me on edge. Inevitably, when the call comes, we're on a mission elsewhere, returning the Touchstone to the planet it was stolen from. The positive feeling that comes from being able to return the device to its home is almost destroyed by knowing that someone on Earth feels it's appropriate to wipe out another planet just to gain technology that may or may not help us.

Although Sam was involved in the effort to recover the stone, she didn't go on the mission to return it, so I expect to see her as we walk down the ramp, shedding our winter gear as we go. General Hammond meets us, telling us to get our medicals over and report to the briefing room.

Once there, we're surprised to see Sam sitting with Jacob. I immediately know it's not a social call. Once we're seated, General Hammond starts the meeting.

"I assume your mission was successful," he begins.

"Yes, Sir. The Touchstone seems to be reversing the changes in weather patterns. It might be worth contacting them in a few weeks to make sure everything's ok, but there's no reason to believe otherwise."

"Good. Now, Jacob, why don't you tell Colonel O'Neill and his team what you've discovered?"

When he speaks, it's obviously Selmak who's driving.

"We have received intelligence as to the whereabouts of the twins Heru'ur had kidnapped."

"Where are they?" I demand.

"The planet is not on the Stargate network – a decision I think was intended to ensure that the Tau'ri will not be able to recover them - assuming that it isn't commonly known that you have made contact with the Tok'ra."

"Ok," I say, as patiently as I can. "So how do we get to them?"

"Getting there is easy. I have a cargo ship available a day's journey from their location. Rescuing them might be harder."

"I didn't expect it to be easy," I tell him. He's got to know we're not going to just leave them there.

Jacob's head dips and when he speaks again, it's his familiar voice I hear.

"Take it easy, Jack. Selmak isn't saying we shouldn't try to rescue them. Just that we need to think about how we do it."

I glance at Sam. She nods almost imperceptibly at me. Maybe she already knows something more.

"Ok, the planet is largely uninhabited. The climate is cold – although it's not too bad at the equator – and that's where Heru'ur's base is. The base itself was Ra's; we believe he used it as a research station in the past, but it was abandoned several centuries ago."

He sweeps the room with his eyes before continuing.

"The Goa'uld running the show is a long-time associate of Heru'ur – Chons."

Daniel looks like he wants to tell us about this … Chons … but I glare at him, and he stops. He glares back at me.

"The bad news is that Chons has a new lieutenant, a Goa'uld that has taken the body of the twins' father – Jama."

Crap. Those kids didn't need that.

I pull my thoughts back to Jacob who's pulled out a diagram.

"This is a blueprint of the facility. It was investigated some time ago, during the period when it was disused, so there may have been changes. Our operative has not had a reason to visit the planet to investigate further."

"But he's sure they're there?" Sam pushes.

"As sure as he can be. He obtained the information two days ago and it was current then."

"Two days? Why do we only know now?"

"I'll be honest with you, Jack. The Tok'ra council didn't want me to give you this information at all. They believe that any rescue attempt will put their operative at risk. It took some fast talking by Selmak to convince them that it's in all our interests that this family doesn't stay in Goa'uld hands."

Now that doesn't surprise me. Some alliance we've got – we only get information when we're useful to them.

"We believe that Heru'ur's attempts to ensure his power among the Goa'uld require that most of his force is elsewhere. The facility is not widely known, and its current use is a well-guarded secret. Logically, the only people he knows are aware of the children are the Tau'ri, and he has no reason to fear you since he knows that you do not have ships capable of journeying there. However, since Jama has been taken as a host, we have to expect that anything the twins told their father about you will be known to both Heru'ur and Chons. Is that going to be a problem?"

"Probably not," Sam informs the others. "We didn't talk much about the SGC. There wasn't any reason to talk about it. We used to describe Earth, but more just about our lives here, what we liked, what we missed. That sort of thing."

"Then it's likely that a rescue won't be expected."

"So you think security will be light?" Sam asks.

"That's our best guess. There will be some Jaffa there – for handling the prisoners if nothing else. And Chons will have his retinue of human slaves, but experience shows that they tend not to interfere. They don't try to help, but they don't get in the way too much either."

"There's another explanation for light security," I point out.

"Trap," Sam agrees.

"I can't promise it isn't a trap," agrees Jacob. "But I seriously believe that Heru'ur is spreading his forces a little too thin just now. He sees Apophis' weakness as the chance he's been waiting for, and he's going for it. Compared to his other plans, the twins are a long-term investment, and not currently his top priority."

I nod my understanding.

"Sir?" I turn towards General Hammond.

"You are convinced that these children are important?"

"Yes, Sir," Sam confirms. "It's hard to quantify how important. We know there's technology out there that only they and a select few can operate. It's highly advanced even compared to Goa'uld technology, and it's definitely in our interest to ensure that none of it falls into Goa'uld hands."

"Very well. You have a go, SG-1. Captain Carter, I take it you feel you should go too?"

"Yes, Sir. When we find the twins, it'll be important that either Jack or I are there. If we have to split up, we still need someone they recognise. They've been through too much to expect them to trust a stranger."

"I agree, Captain. You're cleared to go too."

We don't have much of a plan, but we pack what we might need. There'll be time to come up with something on the way.

We gate to the address Jacob supplied, and sure enough, there's a small Goa'uld ship waiting for us. Once on board, Jacob gets us going before handing over to Teal'c.

"So, once we get there, what do we do?"

"I suggest we ring to the planet surface. I could land the ship, but it'll make it harder to be inconspicuous. That means either Teal'c or me remaining on board."

"Ok," I agree. "I'd prefer to have Teal'c with us."

Jacob shrugs. "There's only one entrance to the building, and we can expect it to be guarded. Once inside, I think it's likely that the family will be in one of two areas. The lab is in the basement – it's the largest single space in the facility. Two floors up from there, are rooms that are most suited as cells. I'd expect that when not needed in the lab, that's where the family will be."

"Except Dad isn't part of the family any more …"

"Can the Tok'ra do anything about that?" Sam asks.

"What, Sam?"

"Do they have the ability to remove a Goa'uld from its host?"

"There is a method, but it's difficult. It's not unusual for the Goa'uld to kill the host before it can be removed."

"It can do that?"

"As it dies, a Goa'uld can choose to poison its host. It's one of the ways they use to maintain the notion that nothing of the host remains."

"So, how do you do it?"

"With great difficulty. We need to sedate the Goa'uld quickly so that it doesn't have time to act. Our record of success isn't that great."

That almost makes me feel better. If he'd said it was easy, it would mean they could've saved Kawalsky. Knowing they probably couldn't have changed that …

We ring down to the planet, as agreed. We find a position from which to observe the entrance. One Jaffa is patrolling in front of the entrance, and there are another two in sight. The first is easily zatted, and a short battle with the other two proves fairly straightforward. There's no audible alarm. So why is there one ringing in my head?


	23. Chapter 23

Once inside the building, Jack sends Daniel and me towards the likely cells while he and Teal'c go to the lab.

I don't know who designs Goa'uld ships and buildings, but from a military perspective they're idiotic. Why would you provide lots of alcoves along corridors, unless you want to encourage infiltration? Most of them don't even serve any other purpose. Using them, we find our way to the cells in a few minutes without being spotted.

There are six doors, three on each side of a narrow hallway, and a Jaffa on guard duty close by. While Daniel distracts him, I pull out my zat. Once the guard's on the ground, we check out the area for some means of opening the doors. Daniel finds it.

Only one room is occupied, and the woman I see could only be the twins' mother. Curly red hair and bright blue eyes make her striking in appearance. She's petite – not much over five feet, and she looks terrified. I'm about to talk to her when I realise I don't know her name. The twins only ever referred to her as 'Mother', and we only know their father's name from this woman's diary.

She's cowering in a corner of her cell. She looks beyond terrified, and I know I'm going to have my work cut out to calm her.

"We're friends," I tell her. "We've come to rescue you. Your children – Shanna and Cal? We know them. Maybe they told you about us. I'm Sam. Jack's looking for the twins."

Her face runs a gamut of expressions – each plain on her face. She's hopeful at first, then disbelieving, looking at both Daniel and me carefully.

"Who's he?"

"This is Daniel. He's a good friend. I'm sure we mentioned him to the twins, but I don't know if they told you."

"I don't recall the name. They said you had a friend who's a Jaffa like Char'ak."

"That's right. His name's Teal'c, and he's with Jack. Look, we need to hurry. We haven't seen too many guards yet, but the longer we're here, the harder it'll be to get out. You're going to have to trust us."

She looks us both up and down again, then gets up and approaches.

The Jaffa I zatted starts to stir, and I don't want him raising the alarm, so I zat him again. When I turn to her, she looks happier.

"Is this the quickest way to the lab?" I ask, trying to remember from the plan.

She nods, still wary of us, but compliant for now.

We follow her directions along the hallways, although since they agree with my own memory, I'm more inclined to trust her.

We find Jack concealed just outside a room I assume to be the lab.

"What's up?" I ask.

"There's only one way into the lab, and we've got no way of knowing who's inside. How about you?"

I make quick introductions. The twins' mom still looks scared, but she's holding onto it for now.

"No problem so far. If anything, it's been too easy."

Jack gives me a tight smile at that.

"Teal'c?" I ask.

"Getting into some Jaffa armour. We're going to do the 'prisoner' routine."

As if summoned, Teal'c emerges from a room opposite.

"Are you ready, O'Neill, Captain Carter?" Teal'c asks.

Jack quickly disarms himself, leaving only his hand gun tucked into the back of his pants. The rest he gives to Daniel.

"Daniel," Jack whispers over his shoulder as he raises his hands to precede Teal'c. "You stay with Mom. Carter, you're the element of surprise. Ok?"

I nod, keeping behind both men, ready to fire as soon as I've got a shot once we're in.

It's all over in seconds. Apart from the twins, who seem to be unconscious, there are two Jaffa and one other person in the lab. Teal'c and I get the two Jaffa before they can fire, while Jack lunges for cover and reaches for his handgun. The remaining person is a Goa'uld if the flashing eyes are any evidence, and he raises his hand towards me, but Jack gets off a round, hitting him square in his palm. While he's distracted, I follow up with a zat blast, and he falls to the floor.

Jack glances at me, and I know exactly what he's thinking. There should be an alarm blaring or Jaffa rushing us.

"Bring Mom in here," Jack orders. "We need to know if that's Dad."

Teal'c does as he's asked, while Jack and I each approach one of the twins. They're strapped into chairs, electrodes stuck to their temples and chests. I unstrap Cal, but as soon as the electrodes are removed, he tenses, opening terrified eyes before shaking his head as if he doesn't believe what he sees.

"It's me, Cal. It's Sam. Jack's here too."

He looks around wildly, spotting Jack with Shanna, and then his eyes go to the door where Daniel and his mom have just appeared.

"Mother!" the twins both call. She crouches and holds out her arms. Both children get up and rush towards her, almost knocking her over.

"Look, there'll be time for that later." Jack seems irritated, but I think he's just worried. "Who's that?" he asks, pointing at the unconscious Goa'uld.

"Goa'uld," Mom answers.

"Yes, we know that. But who's the host? Is that Jama?"

"It was," she answers, her face stricken. The children look at Jack as if worried about what he's going to do.

"Ok, Teal'c, you carry him. I'll take point, then Daniel, then Mom and the twins, Teal'c and after that, Carter. We're going to get out of here as fast as we can. If there's trouble, Mom, get down. Daniel, you try to get them to safety. Got it?"

We meet no resistance on the way out. Well, almost none. A single Jaffa is quickly dispatched, and moments later, we're ringed up to the ship by my Dad.

"Any trouble?" he asks as Teal'c secures Jama.

"Not enough," Jack answers. "It was too damn easy. It was a trap. I just don't know which of them's the Trojan horse."

On the journey back, we discover that the twins' mom is called Tesia, and although she won't talk about it in front of the children, she's been badly hurt during her captivity. The children don't seem inclined to talk at all – remaining physically close to Tesia much of the time, although they're also happy to curl up with either Jack or me.

If it turns out that the Goa'uld've hurt one of them – that they're using them like they did Cassie … I won't think about that for now. Once we're back at the SGC, Janet'll be able to work it out. I hope.

When we reach the Stargate, we request help from the SGC. A short while later, a med team emerges and subjects the family to a range of basic tests with portable equipment. They return to analyse the results, leaving us waiting for the outcome.

Fortunately, just a few hours later, we get the ok to go home.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

The wait at the Stargate is frustrating, but it's justified. Jama's been sedated, so at least he's not causing a problem. Once we get the ok from the SGC, Sam, Tesia, Cal, Shanna and I go on through, leaving Jacob to take Jama back to the Tok'ra. Of course, we're not allowed to know where that is.

Fraiser's got a team waiting for our arrival, and we're all whisked off to the infirmary before we get a chance to do anything else. Once there, her first reaction is to isolate the newcomers. She wants the rest of us to have our medicals immediately, but the twins look terrified, and Tesia doesn't look a lot better.

"Doc., can our checks wait? Tesia and the twins are the priority, but that'll go easier if Sam or I can be with them. What d'you say, kids? You want Sam or me with you?"

They both nod, their eyes pleading.

"Sure," she agrees. "I've got an observation room set up – it's pretty big – and I guess I can do what I need to with you around."

I glance at Sam as she flashes a grateful smile at the doctor. The inevitable cohort of security people follow in our wake, taking up position outside the door.

In the observation room are three beds, each equipped with various equipment and screens.

"I'd like you to get undressed," she tells our guests. "You'll have privacy behind the screens. There're pyjamas to change into. The initial tests showed nothing to worry about, but I was limited in the tests I could do off world. So, I'm afraid your first experience of this planet will be a range of medical procedures."

Shanna glances at her mom and then her brother before speaking.

"Will it hurt?"

"No, honey, not really. You remember when the nurse took some blood before?" Janet crouches to her level, her voice reassuring.

She nods.

"That's as bad as it gets. Honest."

The twins seem to relax at her reassurance. Sam puts her arm around Shanna's shoulders and takes her to one of the beds. I hear her softly telling Shanna to get changed while I do the same for Cal. When she's left Shanna, Sam turns towards Tesia.

"I know it seems frightening, but … we've had some bad experience with the Goa'uld. We need to be sure they haven't done anything to any of you that could threaten us."

"They haven't," Tesia answers.

"And I know you believe that, but in at least one case, the person didn't know she was a risk."

"But, once the risk was over, I adopted her," Janet adds, trying to reassure Tesia further.

She nods, and moves towards the third bed.

While the family are behind their screens, there's a message at the door.

"General Hammond would like you or Captain Carter to attend a short debrief ASAP, Sir," the airman informs me.

I leave him there and go to speak to Sam.

"They probably don't need more than one of us here," she agrees.

"Ok, you stay. Tesia's probably more comfortable with you. I'll go and let Hammond know what happened. Be back as soon as I can."

Once in the briefing room, Teal'c and Daniel are already present.

"Thank you, Colonel. How are our guests?"

"Jumpy."

"I suppose that's to be expected. Well, let's get this done. I'm sure you want to get back."

"Yes, Sir."

We go through the rescue details quickly.

"So, the mission was a success."

"Apparently it was, Sir. It's just … it was too easy. It had to be a trap; I just don't know how."

"Dr. Fraiser reported nothing unexpected from her initial tests."

"Yes, but I wouldn't put it beyond the Goa'uld to try something different."

"And that's why the doctor is going to put them through every test and scan at her disposal. It'll be a hard few days for them while we're waiting for the results."

"Yes, Sir. I …"

"You want to get back to them."

"Yes."

"Ok. You and Captain Carter should have your medicals as soon as possible. Dismissed."

I make my way to the infirmary, finding Sam with the kids.

"Where's your mom?" I ask.

"The lady took Mother for a … scan." Shanna looks at Sam for approval of what she said. Sam smiles and nods.

"That's right, Shanna. It's a way of taking pictures of inside you without it hurting at all."

"And we're going to have scans later."

"That's right."

"And then we can go home with you?"

"No. You'll have to stay here for a while."

"But we're not sick."

"It's just the rules. It'll just be for a few days."

I don't say anything, but I hope she's right.

"Do we have to stay here?" Shanna asks, looking around.

"I don't like the smell," Cal adds.

"It is a bit … smelly," I agree. There's just something about hospitals that always makes me uncomfortable.

"It reminds you of … things, doesn't it?" Sam realises.

They both give almost imperceptible nods. Of course it does. They've spent too much of their short lives being human guinea pigs in medical labs.

"You'll have to be here for the tests," Sam tells them. "But once they're done, you could probably stay somewhere else on the base. What do you think, Jack?"

"I think we could find some quarters that'd be better than this."

"What are quarters?"

"A couple of rooms with their own bathroom. We could … find some things to make them more comfortable."

"Until we can go home with you?"

"Until you get approval to live off-base. Where you live then, will be up to your mother. She's probably going to want somewhere of your own."

"Why not with you?"

"Because … it's better for a family to have their own place. But you can visit us, and we'll visit you," I promise. Truth is, I'd take them home in a heartbeat, but they've got parents, and I know I've got to take a step back.

The twins don't seem convinced, but there's not much I can do to persuade them. For now, we're going to have to take one day at a time, and hope that nothing's been done to any of them to make them a

I hear footsteps approaching, and recognise one of the Doc.'s senior nurses.

"Colonel, now you're back, which of you would like to have your medical first?"

I glance at Sam, and she takes the hint.

"I'll go," she answers. "You'll have Jack to keep you company until I'm done," she tells the twins.

Sam's not gone for long when it's the turn of the twins to have their scans, and when they insist, I go along, chatting to each while the other is done. They're such brave kids – so … normal, despite everything that's happened to them.

When I've had my medical, I take a moment to arrange the promised quarters – something Hammond only agrees to with the proviso that there's an armed guard on the door. Surveillance cameras are standard. And, they'll have to be accompanied whenever they leave their rooms. It's going to be a hard few days.

When Fraiser's done everything she can think of for one day, we escort the twins and their mom to their temporary home. Seeing it with their eyes makes the military issue décor seem even more basic than usual. Sam spots it too, quickly making a decision.

"Why don't you take a look around here, and then Jack can take you to get something to eat. I'm going to go and do some shopping. You're going to need clothes. The Air Force can supply basics for adults, but there's not going to be much to fit you two."

"Good idea," I agree. "You could get some things to add a bit of colour too."

"Exactly what I planned," she agrees.

The meal's fun. They've never seen some things like jello, and even basic flavourings seem exotic to them. Their mom is quiet and eats very little. I know Fraiser's already arranged for McKenzie to talk to her, although I'll fight any attempt to let him loose on the kids. They need someone, but there's got to be a better option.

Once the meal's over, Tesia claims to be tired, and while I'm sure the kids are too, they say otherwise. We leave Tesia in their quarters, and I take the twins to Teal'c's where I know there's a TV. We set them up with some cartoons for an hour, and by then, they're obviously ready for sleep.

We get back to their quarters to find that Sam's beaten us to it. There are brightly-coloured pyjamas for each of them laid out on beds with distinctly non-military-issue covers. Under each of those covers, nestles a teddy bear – one with a blue ribbon and the other red. She opens a couple of drawers to show them several sets of underwear, tops and pants for each of them.

"How's Tesia?" I ask Sam as the kids take turns in the bathroom.

"She didn't say much – just let me in and went to her own room."

"Ok, you two," I say, as I turn to where the twins are chatting excitedly. They've both changed into their pyjamas. "Your mom's trying to sleep, and it's time you did the same. Into bed with you."

"What are those?" Shanna asks, taking one of the bears out of the bed.

"That's a teddy bear. Maybe you're getting a little big for them, but children on Earth often sleep with toys like that. You can cuddle them, and it's like having a friend with you all night if you're feeling a bit worried," Sam explains.

Shanna looks at her as if she's mad, but pulls the bear towards her face, stroking the soft fur over her cheek. She shrugs, and I smile. They scramble to their beds, pulling the covers up under their chins. We say goodnight, and leave as quietly as we can. In the outer room, we agree that we can't leave the kids, and Sam offers to spend the night on the sofa, although she wants to pick up some things first. I agree to stay while she gets set up, and when she returns a short time later, she's got a change of clothes and her laptop, which she sets up on the table. I glance in irritation at the camera in the corner of the room, and she gives me a tight smile in return, before we tell each other goodnight.

I waken in my quarters next morning at the usual time, dress, and head over to the VIP suite being occupied by the twins. The SF on the door assures me that everything's quiet so far, so I make for the commissary.


	25. Chapter 25

Once we're back on the base and we know the twins are ok, it hits me. They're here - my territory. And that makes them my responsibility. Sure, Jack's too, but that doesn't help. Two vulnerable children, and I don't know if I can keep them safe. I've never been someone who avoids responsibility, but right now, I'm scared of it.

There's so much that could go wrong. They could be booby-trapped in a way we haven't spotted yet. Or, the NID could get their hands on them, experiment on them the way they wanted to do with Teal'c when he first got here. I'm not naïve enough to believe that they'll see them any differently just because they're human children. As far as some people are concerned, they're aliens, and aliens don't have any rights.

I don't know much about what's happened to them since we last saw them; maybe we'll find out in time. What we do know is that they've been experimented on by a Goa'uld in their father's body. Regardless of what he did to them, that's got to have hurt.

By the time Janet's finished with us for the day, I need to get out of here for a while, and once I see the quarters Jack's arranged for them, it takes a second to come up with a reason. Everything looks so drab and unwelcoming, and they're still in the clothes they were rescued in. Tesia can at least have clean things from stores, but there's nothing to fit the twins. I suggest that Jack could show them around the base and take them to eat, while I go shopping. The look Jack gives me shows that he understands there's more than one reason for the trip, and I want to try to explain it to him, but I don't think I can. He must be feeling the same as me – he's as aware of the risks and potential for heart-break as I am. More so. And yet he's there, steady and calm and … Jack.

It's not the first time I'm amazed by his strength. It's not that he's forgotten these things. It's not that he's decided that they're not important. It's just that he's living despite the guilt, and the simple fact that he's able to love the way he does despite everything … That a man like that would love me the way he does …

The trip to the mall is bittersweet. I have to force myself to walk past the baby things – aiming for clothes that I think'll fit the twins. I had a word with Janet before I left, and she suggested which sizes I should go with – comparing the twins with Cassie.

I try hard not to overdo it. There're so many things I like, but with an effort of will, I limit it to three changes of day clothes, two sets of pyjamas and underwear. On an impulse, I add a warm jacket for each of them. Shoes are more difficult and they're going to have to wait until we can bring them with us. Still, they've got shoes, and hopefully it won't be more than a few days before we get the ok to take them off base. When I pass the toy department, my eyes are drawn to the display of teddy bears. When I was little – younger than them – I always had my bear to sleep with. Even at their age, he was still there, but I'd persuaded myself I'd outgrown him – except when I was upset about something. Well, they've both got plenty of reason to be upset, so I buy them one each – slightly different shades of tan, one with a blue and the other a red ribbon round its neck. Anything else, they can choose for themselves. I keep that thought in mind. In a few days they'll be ok to get off the base, and we can let them choose some things.

I pay for everything and drive back to the mountain. I go straight to the quarters the twins' family has been assigned, speaking to the guard on the door before knocking. I'm surprised it takes so long to get an answer, given that Tesia is there, and when she finally opens the door, it's obvious that I've wakened her.

"I'm sorry," I apologise. "I didn't know you were asleep. I bought some things for the twins."

She nods at me, leaving the door open for me to follow her inside. She leaves me in the main room, going into one of the bedrooms and closing the door behind her. I'm concerned about her behaviour, but she's been through so much she might be genuinely exhausted. I go into the other bedroom and put the clothes in drawers there, leaving one pair of pyjamas for each of them on the two beds. I'm just finished when I hear the outside door opening, and immediately hear the twins' voices as they chat to Jack.

It doesn't take long to settle the twins for bed, but I'm not happy about leaving them alone.

"What now?" Jack asks, as we go back into the main room.

"I think I should spend the night here."

"Here? As in …"

"On the sofa there. Tesia's out of it, and they need someone familiar here in case they wake in the night."

"Ok," he agrees. "Doesn't look that comfortable."

"Compared with sleeping off world, it'll be fine. And anyway, it'd be even less comfortable for you."

"Not to mention that it's probably easier for Tesia to deal with another woman if she's upset."

"Look, can you stay here for a bit? I need to pick up a change of clothes and if I get my laptop, I can work for a few hours before I sleep."

"Sure," he agrees.

My first stop is to go to speak to Janet. She seems less concerned than I am, believing that Tesia's reactions will be more predictable after a night's sleep, so I take a quick shower and collect what I need before heading back. Jack looks pretty bored – in fact, although he's trying to hide it, I think I caught him dozing.

"You sure you're ok with this?" he asks as I set the laptop on the table.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. If Tesia's better in the morning, I won't feel we have to be so close."

"Better?"

"She seemed pretty out of it when I got back from the mall. She could just be tired, but …"

"You think it's more than that."

"I don't know. Janet said she'd expect her to be pretty subdued for a while, so I guess that's all it is. I just worry."

"I know you do. And you know you can call me if there's anything …"

"I know. What're you going to do?"

"Last I looked, the memos had been breeding. I'll go and see if I can clear the backlog."

"Sounds fascinating."

"Oh, I'm sure it will be," he promises, giving me one of his smiles. His eyes move towards the camera and he grimaces.

"Goodnight, Sam. Don't work too late."

"I won't, Jack. See you at breakfast."

I work until it's later than I intended, then open the door to the twins' room. They're both asleep, each with a furry bear in their arms. I smile at the sight, before going to the small bathroom to change for bed. It's the only room in the quarters without a camera, so it's the only place I can change into the sweats I brought for the purpose. When I'm ready, I switch out the light and curl onto the sofa. If I don't end up with a crick in my neck, I'll be amazed.

I never sleep well without Jack these days, and tonight, my thoughts are enough to keep me pretty busy. There's nothing new – just a re-hashing of everything that's happened, along with a feeling of impending doom which I can't help but associate with Tesia. I can't analyse the details, can't seem to work out what could possibly be wrong beyond the obvious. But that doesn't stop me trying.

I wake to the sound of screams a short while later. I rush into the twins' bedroom to find a familiar pattern. Cal's thrashing about and Shanna's completely still. The room's small enough that I can kneel between the two beds and touch both children so that's what I do, softly muttering words that're supposed to be comforting. In time, they seem to calm, but when I stand up, Shanna's eyes open suddenly.

"Stay?"

"There's no room."

"Yes there is. Look," she informs me rather bossily. She gets up and loosens the blankets at the bottom of her brother's bed, climbs in, upside-down. "You take the other bed," she suggests.

"Ok," I agree. "But you'll be more comfortable with your pillow."

"What about you?"

"If you'll let me go long enough to get mine from the other room …"

She nods, and I'm back within seconds, grateful to be able to stretch out. Very soon, I know the twins are asleep, and I follow them quickly.

It seems like minutes later that I'm wakened by the twins, shaking my arm.

"What?" I ask, groggily.

"Mother's still asleep. Is it breakfast time yet? We're hungry." As is often the case, Shanna does the speaking for both of them. I shake away the last remnants of sleep and check my watch. Sure enough, it's morning.

"Ok, get dressed. One at a time in the bathroom, and then I'll do the same. You first, Cal."

"Did you speak to your mother this morning?" I ask Shanna once her brother's gone.

"Yes. She said she was too tired, and that we should ask the man at the door, but I told her I wouldn't have to because you were here too, and she smiled and went back to sleep."

"Ok, look, when Cal's done, you go get dressed. I'll just check your mom."

I creep into the room where Tesia looks completely swamped by the small double bed. She seems to be deeply asleep, and I carefully reassure myself that she's breathing and peaceful before I leave her.

I'm not surprised that Jack beat us to the commissary, although I suspect he hasn't slept much better than me.

"Morning, kids," he greets them, as we reach the table and unload our choices from our trays. "What ya got there?"

I leave them to tell Jack about what they've chosen, just zoning out for a minute.

Once their initial excitement is over, the twins settle to eat their breakfast, and when they've finished, they're quiet. The truth is, if Tesia isn't able to look after them, we're going to have a bit of a problem. It's not that I mind spending time with them – I don't. It's just that, while they're confined to the base, it's going to be hard to keep them amused. It'll be easier when we can at least take them outside.

"So, what're we going to do today?" Jack asks the twins, earning him a kick from me under the table. He looks up at me, pretending innocence.

"You're going to have to go back to the infirmary this morning," I remind the twins. "Depending on what Dr. Fraiser says, we'll decide what to do."

"What about Mother? The doctor wanted to see her again too, didn't she?"

"She did, but don't worry about that. If she needs to, Dr. Fraiser can go to see your mom. So, finished?"

They nod, and we make our way to the infirmary.

Janet's got a surprise there. In a side room, she's left a range of books and toys – things that belong to Cassie. Even better, she tells us that she's going to arrange for Cassie to come in to the infirmary after school one day.

"She really wants to meet you two. You know she used to live on another planet too, don't you? She's so happy she's not the only kid who came here through the Stargate."

The twins seem a little less enthusiastic than I would've expected about meeting Cassie, but they're definitely interested in the toys and books. I leave Jack with them for a moment, while I get Janet up to date with what's happening with Tesia.

"I get being tired, Janet, but it's the … abdication of her responsibility to the twins that gets me. She didn't even seem to hear Cal's screams."

"Ok, I'll bring her into the infirmary and take a look at her. I've had some test results in overnight, and there's still nothing unexpected. Apart from some physical injury which will heal, and the fact that she's generally undernourished and run down, she's checking out. I've asked Dr. MacKenzie to come in today, and I'll be interested in his first impression. I've also got some ideas as to someone who might help the twins. You remember I said Abby Derek helped Cassie? I'll have to get General Hammond's agreement, but she should be able to help them too. They don't seem particularly traumatised, but in its way, that's more worrying. They might need to work through their experiences before they can truly move on, and if they've been used to burying their feelings …"

I know what she means.

"In the meantime, I've arranged for Lieutenant Wilson to spend some time with the twins. She's young – almost 'big sister' age, and bright. I'm hoping that the twins will accept her as an alternative to you and Jack so that you can both spend time on your other duties."

She must see the uncertainty on my face.

"Sam, unless you're planning on giving up your career, they're going to need someone to look after them – at least until their mom's up to it. Wilson's not a long-term option either, but I'm hoping that she'll give us all some breathing space."

"I know, Janet. It's just … I feel responsible for them. I feel like it's not fair to them for Jack and me to be wrapped up in our own lives if they need us."

"You think I don't know that, honey? How do you think I felt the first time I left Cassie with her sitter? It's hard. But you need to strike a balance. More so in your case. They've got a mom. They need you now, but once Tesia's got herself together, she might decide to move away – the other side of the country or even off world."

"I know," I admit. "I know all of that, but it doesn't help. I'm scared that I can't protect them, and then I feel guilty when I remember that in time, that responsibility will be Tesia's rather than mine."

"You'll be fine, Sam. Talk to Jack. Don't shut him out of how you're feeling."

"I won't," I promise.

"I'll get Wilson to go spend some time with the twins now. General Hammond wants a full briefing in a couple of hours, and it'd be better if both you and Jack could be there."

"Yeah."

"I'll go and arrange for Tesia to come in now. There're no new tests for now, although I want to repeat some scans every few days. Dr. MacKenzie's due in later. Once he's seen her, we'll have a better idea just how closely observed she'll need to be."

I rejoin Jack and the twins to find them checking out a stack of games. Lieutenant Wilson comes in a little later, and I introduce her to the twins, and take Jack aside to explain what Janet planned.

The Lieutenant proves to be an excellent choice. Some people (like Jack) just seem to have a knack with children, and she's one of them. Within an hour, they're playing quite happily with her. I take that opportunity to tell them that Jack and I're both needed at the briefing. The initial result is silence. The twins look at each other, and a moment later, Shanna answers.

"You'll come back, won't you?"

"Soon as the meeting's over," I promise. "And we'll only be a few floors away. Lieutenant Wilson will be able to contact us if we're needed."

"Ok," she agrees. I glance at Cal, and he nods in agreement.

I ignore the twinge of guilt and follow Jack out of the room.

"Well," Janet sums up for General Hammond. "Although I'm still awaiting further test results, I can be confident that none of them has a device such as the one Nirrti used on Cassie. All their teeth check out as human teeth, so I can also rule out the poison option Apophis used on Ry'ac. Otherwise, the twins are in good health, although they are showing signs of mild malnutrition. They are both a little wary of strangers, but once they've decided to trust someone, they seem remarkably well-adjusted given what they've seen and suffered in their short lives. I'd like to recommend that they receive counselling. Abby Derek did a good job with Cassie, and she's got all the clearance she'll need."

"Good idea, Doctor. Please set that up."

"Tesia is a different case. Her body is bruised – some injuries are old but some very recent. The pattern of injury is consistent with sexual assault and rape. I've already asked Dr. MacKenzie to see her, but my initial assessment is that she's been holding herself together because of the children. Since she's been here, her apparent psychological state has worsened, as might be expected now that she believes the children are safe. I'd like to keep her in the infirmary overnight tonight, and depending on Dr. MacKenzie's initial assessment, I'll decide whether or not she needs to be confined to the infirmary longer."

"I see. What about the twins' apparent gifts? Anything you can tell us?"

"Not so far, Sir. They do seem to withdraw from their surroundings from time to time, but I can only speculate as to what they're doing."

"What's your thinking, Sir?" I ask.

"As I'm sure you realise, if certain parties become aware of the purported gifts of these two children, they will be considered, in some circles, as acceptable subjects for experimentation. I would therefore suggest that that subject not be mentioned in any official reports. The business about the genes – that can be investigated. Since we believe that these genes are present in a proportion of the human race, it makes them seem less special."

"Sir," Janet interjects. "I've already asked for gene sequencing to be done on all three of our guests, and Colonel O'Neill's genetic profile is already on file."

"That's fine, Doctor. Captain," he turns to me. "Is there some way we can maintain a database that will be invisible to anyone outside this base – including our friends in the NID? If the twins do prove to have unusual gifts, any data we can gather might prove useful, although I stress that nothing should be done to cause the children any further trauma."

"I'll look into it, Sir," I promise.

"Good. For now, that aspect of the children's abilities is need to know. And the only people who need to know are in this room. Understood?"

"Yes, Sir," we chorus.

"Ok. Keep me apprised. Dismissed, Captain, Doctor. Colonel, I'd like to discuss some administrative details with you."

Jack gives me a look of mock-despair, and I smile in answer, going down to the infirmary with Janet. There, we go to see Tesia. She's in the main infirmary now – tucked up in bed. She's awake, but if she sees us, she shows no sign. Janet tries to speak to her, but it has no effect, so she sets about doing some observations while I go to the twins.

They seem to have discovered a board game, playing with Lieutenant Wilson. I watch for a few more moves before Cal raises an arm in the air to celebrate his victory.

"Having fun?" I ask.

"Yes. Marie's been teaching us to play. Do you know how?"

I look at the board. I don't recognise it, but I suspect I'll pick it up.

"If I don't, you can teach me."

"I need to go," Lieutenant Wilson informs us. "Dr. Fraiser said to see her when you got back."

"Will we see you later?" the twins chorus.

"I think so. I'm off duty at four, and I'll definitely come and see you then. And I'll be back in the morning."

When we're alone, I sit them down.

"Dr. Fraiser wants your mom to stay in the infirmary for a little longer."

"Why?"

"Because she seems very tired, and the doctor needs to find out why."

"Is she sick?"

"Maybe. But Dr. Fraiser's very good at making people well."

There's a pause then, and some silent communication before Cal asks what's obviously on both their minds.

"Do we have to sleep in the infirmary too?"

"No, you can sleep where you slept last night."

"On our own?"

"Well, Jack or I can stay too."

"Both of you?"

"No, just one or the other of us."

They look puzzled. "Why not both of you? Don't you love each other any more?"

I take a deep breath. How do I explain professional behaviour to two children?

"It's nothing like that. Jack and I are married. We live together. We do love each other. But this is where we work, and … for reasons you probably won't understand, we need to behave differently."

"You have to pretend you don't love each other?"

"Not quite. Well, at least, we need to not be obvious about it. Does that make sense?"

Two shaking heads make their view clear.

"Maybe I'll think of a better way to explain it. So, do you want to play? We could take some of the games back to your quarters?"

Since the kids were too tired last night and too hungry this morning, I suggest that they shower. They go into the bathroom one at a time after I've set the shower going, and emerge a short while later, red curls looking darker and tighter than usual. We settle down to play, working our way through the game a couple of times before Jack reappears.

We spend some time chatting, before we take them to eat, and follow that with a visit to the infirmary. Tesia greets the children, but seems oddly reluctant to touch either of them. I'm not sure how odd that is, until I see the look of disappointment that's mirrored on each of their faces.

It takes a while after the visit for Jack and me to cheer the children enough that we can consider leaving them for even a short while. When we get to that point, we take them to Teal'c's quarters to watch some TV with Jack and Teal'c while I go to speak to Janet.

"What did MacKenzie say?" I ask, as soon as I get her alone.

"He says she's probably clinically depressed, and recommends that she's given some time to recover physically. He'll see her every couple of days in the meantime to assess whether medication might help. For now, he's recommending a mild sedative to help her sleep at night if it's needed."

"That's it?"

"For now. He's reluctant to over-medicate until she's physically stable."

"She seems a bit … off with the twins."

"Her self-esteem is bound to be low, and it's possible she's feeling guilty for not protecting the children. She may even believe that she doesn't deserve them, and if that's so, especially if she's expecting them to somehow reject her, then she might be withdrawing in advance."

"But she's going to hurt them. How could she?"

"She's not being altogether rational for now. I've got her on a schedule of scans at regular intervals. I want to monitor her and pick up any differences immediately. I'll have to do something similar with the children, but I'm willing to decrease the frequency in their case. To that end, I'll have them in here again tomorrow for a full set of scans. Tesia's already had a second set today. In fact, I'm going to take a look just now. Want to come?"

"Sure," I agree. The truth is that I need to do something until my annoyance with Tesia has subsided. It won't do the kids any good to see how angry I am. Fortunately, Jack's better at hiding how he's feeling.

Janet looks at the various scans, going over each separately before comparing them with those from yesterday. She spends a lot of time looking at one of the brain scans, but finally decides that there's nothing to see. Obviously, she's more attuned to seeing things than I would be, but I have to admit that I can't see anything out of the ordinary.

"I've arranged for Abby Derek to come in tomorrow. It'll probably be late – she already has a full day tomorrow, but she knows I wouldn't be asking for her help unless it was important. I suggest that the initial sessions are short, and carried out with either you or Jack present. As soon as they're comfortable with her, she'll make more progress without you."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes. If there's something traumatic they need to talk about, they might be worried about upsetting you and Jack. They may try to protect you."

"But that's …"

"A possibility. One we need to avoid."

"But … how can we help them if we don't know what happened to them?"

"Under normal circumstances, Tesia would be informed. However, depending on her capacity to be responsible for them, someone else might have to be appointed their guardian. As things stand, you and Jack would be the most likely choices. But, we're a way from having to make that decision."


	26. Chapter 26

The twins are doing great. Their mom, not so much. Physically, she's better. Her colouring means she'll always be pale, but she's lost the grey colour she had when we first came back. She's been sleeping in her quarters for a couple of nights, and according to the surveillance, even dealt with the twins' nightmare the first night. What worries me is the way she doesn't touch them. How can you deal with kids without touching them? You tousle their hair, clap them on the shoulder, hug them. But she doesn't. Oh, I know, different culture. Maybe that's not their way. But … the twins never seemed surprised when Sam and I touched them … hugged them. There's something wrong there. I'm sure of it, but MacKenzie doesn't seem to think it's important.

We got the ok to take the kids off the base this afternoon. Sam wants to take them shopping, and I want to hit the park. I guess there's time for both.

The scans continue to show that they're all in perfect health. Tomorrow, they have their first session with Abby Derek without either Sam or me. They seem happy with that, but I'm not. Not that anyone's listening. Even Sam seems to have been persuaded that it's the right thing to do, but she hasn't convinced me yet.

JJJJJ

The twins' introduction to Earth outside the SGC is a huge hit. We have a great time, and it's hard to take them back to the base at the end of it. Harder for them, I guess. They've spent too long underground already, but until we know Tesia's going to be ok with them, and we get some sort of ok for Tesia to live off the base, they're stuck.

Next morning, Hammond calls me to his office to inform me that he's putting SG-1 back on the mission roster effective immediately. He's sorry, but he's got no choice.

When I meet up with Sam a little later, she's got news.

"Janet's got the twins set up with the tutor who got Cassie ready for school."

"Tutor? Are they ready for that?"

"The sooner they get into school, the sooner they'll have some normality. And they need some catch-up classes before they'll be able to cope without standing out."

"I know," I admit. "Where are the classes going to be?"

"Initially, they'll be here at the base, but I think there're plans for them to do some field trips later."

"Good."

"So, what did the General want to talk to you about?"

"SG-1's back on the mission roster."

"It had to happen."

"Yeah, and I never thought I'd want it any different."

"So, where're you going?"

"Well, Daniel's excited. A probe recorded images of inscriptions like the ones on Daniel's 'meaning of life' machine that got us stranded off world. This time, at least we know there's a DHD that's in one piece, and no sign of the building being unstable."

"So, no getting stranded this time."

"Definitely not on the mission plan."

"When do you go?"

"First thing tomorrow. So, what're you up to?"

"I've got projects stacking up in the lab. No missions that I know about yet, but I don't suppose that'll last."

"But nothing to stop you going home later."

"Nope. Not a thing."

I grin at that response.

JJJJJ

The mission next morning turns out to be just about the shortest on record. Of course, I missed the end of it, due to being unconscious. I looked into some strange device, saw some bright lights and then it grabbed my head. After that, the next thing I know was when I see Sam's face leaning over me in the infirmary. As soon as it's obvious I'm conscious again, she's replaced by Fraiser and her pen-light.

There's not even much we can tell Hammond. As usual, the others want to string out the whole thing, but I'm feeling even less like listening than usual. In fact, I'm feeling restless enough that I just want to get out of there. The others are looking at me.

"You ok, Jack?" Daniel asks.

"Fine. Tired maybe."

"Colonel, are you sure you're ok?" Hammond adds.

"I am absolutely fine. There is nothing cruvus with me," I insist. Next thing I know, Fraiser'll be shining bright lights in my eyes again, and I can do without that. I look around – three pairs of eyes all staring at me.  
"What?"  
"You just said there's nothing 'cruvus' with you," Daniel informs me. As if I don't know what I just said.

"I did not."

"Yes, you did."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Didn't."

"Did."

"Cruvus, what is that?" I demand.

"I don't know. Um…well, I'm guessing in the context of what you're saying you were trying to say that there's nothing wrong with you."

"Why don't you take some time to relax, Colonel," Hammond suggests. "You're dismissed, but do me a favour and stay on the base."

Damn, there goes the chance to spend the night with Sam. I was just getting used to that again after the nights spent babysitting the twins.

I walk out of the room, and the others follow behind.

I consider going to see Sam, but decide against it. She spent hours sitting in the infirmary waiting for me to wake up, and I suspect that if she hadn't been called to a meeting with some other scientists, she'd still be shadowing me. Not that I mind … as such. It's just … she's got work to do. She's got problems to solve, and who knows when the fate of the planet will depend on her doing that.

Anyway, I feel like doing something … physical. And the only physical activity I want to do with Sam isn't going to happen on the base. Teal'c's caught up with me, and he's been wanting to try out boxing for a while. Or … I've wanted to show him. One or the other.

A short while later, we're ready, and I'm explaining that you need to keep moving.

"Come on Teal'c, you've got to move around a little bit. You've got to dance."

I show him what I mean.  
"I do not understand, O'Neill. Are we preparing to dance or to do battle?"

I stop moving.  
"Teal'c, if you don't move around, you're a sitting duck. You're a target."

I hit him in the chest.

"Huh! Like that."

He doesn't look hurt, but then, with Teal'c it's hard to tell.

"I'm sorry. You all right?"

"I am fine."

"Well, that's why you've got to move…"

He punches me then. Hard. On the nose. I end up on the floor.  
"How was that, O'Neill?"

"It's good; that was good," I encourage him.

I get up, checking my nose for signs of damage.  
"Uh, the thing about keeping your hands up…"  
I feel my nose again. Is that moisture?

"Is my nose bleeding?"

"You are fine."

Ok. I get on with my demonstration.  
"Keep your hands up. You got to keep moving your … your feet moving and, uh, bend your cozars. Keep your cozars bent."

He gives me one of those Teal'c looks.

"I am unfamiliar with that word."

"What?" I ask. I didn't say anything I don't say every day.  
"What? Cozars?"

He does that head-tilt thing.  
"Cozars." I bend my cozars a few times to show him, but I'm less sure of what I'm saying.

"You got to bend your cozars."

"I believe you are referring to your legs, O'Neill."

Crap.

We shower and change quickly. I don't know what's happening to me, but I'm damn sure I don't like it. I know I'll end up seeing the Doc., but for now, I'll start with Daniel.

I walk straight into his office.

"All right, what the hell is going on with me?"

Daniel just looks from Teal'c to me and back again.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, apparently I have lost the falatus to speak properly."

Teal'c gives me that look, and I know I've said something odd. Again.

"That wasn't a joke; I didn't do that on purpose."

"Several times now, Colonel O'Neill has used strange words in place of common terms," Teal'c explains.

Daniel turns towards me. "Okay, what was that word you just used?"

I'm confused. I don't even remember saying anything different. I look at Teal'c, who answers.  
"I believe it was falatus."

"Okay, sounds kinda close to Medieval Latin."

He goes and starts looking through some books on the shelf.  
"So, possibly a derivation, maybe even a root."

He pulls a book over to his desk where he searches.

"Faculatus" is Latin for ability; you said you've 'lost the falatus to speak properly'."

I know he's doing this for me, but it doesn't hold my attention. I glance at the computer monitor, and see something I recognise.

"Nuani anquietas."

That got Daniel's attention.  
"What?"

"Nuani anquietas. Hic qua videum."

Daniel gets closer to the monitor, then looks back at me.

"Jack, are you reading this?"

Now, that's crazy. "I don't know; you tell me."

"Well, I…I don't know, I haven't even been able to associate sounds to the symbols. Do you know what this means?

"No! I'm just looking at it and the words just pop right into my fron."

Daniel's staring, and I'm getting tired.

"Does anybody think this is odd?"

Another set of tests later, and I'm stuck in the infirmary. Fraiser reckons I'm using way more of my brain than usual. Might even be up to Carter levels … And no, that's not what she said.

And sitting there, I've got all these ideas, and most of them I can't even put into words. It's just pictures, and a compulsion to do something about them.

Sam finds me a while later while I'm dismantling a staff weapon. She doesn't look happy.

"Daniel told me you're experiencing some sort of side-effect from the mission, and you're confined to base," she tells me. "Why didn't you tell me?"

Before I can think of an answer, her expression goes from irritated to confused.

"Jack, what are you doing?"

"I need this."

I show her something green and glowing.  
"What for?"

I look at it for a moment. It's strangely mesmerising.  
"I have no idea," I admit.

She's called to a briefing then, but there's no mention of me. Just as well. I'm finding it harder to understand what they're saying. I can still get it, but it's kind of like they're speaking a foreign language – I've got to concentrate, and right now, my mind's full of other things.

I make my way up to the control room. No one questions what I'm doing although I do get a look from one of the techs. Well, it's not every day they see me voluntarily sitting in front of a computer.

I get into the system I want, not even sure how I knew to get there, and start to type. It's a strange feeling – like my fingers are following instructions from a part of my brain that's disconnected from my conscious mind. The only reason I don't fight the impulse is the certainty what I'm doing is good.

Before I've finished, Hammond, Teal'c, Sam, Daniel and Fraiser appear.

"What's he doing?" Hammond demands.

I'm aware that they're all looking over my shoulder.

Teal'c's the only one to answer. "I do not know."

I know they're going to try to stop me, so I increase my speed a little. I've got to get this – whatever this is – finished.

Sam sits at another terminal.  
"Captain Carter?" Hammond's looking for answers from the most likely source.

"Main system's down, Sir. I'm locked out."

"Colonel," Hammond approaches more closely.

"Yes, Sir," I answer. The strain of continuing to type while keeping track of what's being said is increasing.

"What are you doing?"

"I don't know, Sir. You know me and computers."

"Colonel, I'm ordering you to stop."

"I'd love to, Sir, but I can't."

Hammond turns to Teal'c. "Stop him."

He pulls me away from the computer.

"No! No, not yet! I'm not fargus!"

"Sir, I think he wants to finish what he's doing," Daniel suggests.

"I can't reboot, Sir," Sam informs him. Is that a hint of panic I hear?

The computers switch off.

"Uh-oh," Sam mutters, under her breath.  
"Captain?" Hammond's worried too.

Numbers start to scroll across the screen. Sam takes a moment to look at the display.  
"Sir, this is machine code. The numbers the Colonel was entering must've been some been some sort of program."

I type a bit more, but Teal'c pulls me away again.

"What did you do?" Sam demands.

I hold out my hands and shake my head. The effort of finding the words is suddenly too much.

Sam looks back at the screen where the display has changed.

"It's the destination map. These are all the Stargates we've been through," she tells the others.  
"Sam, are those new Gates popping up?" Daniel asks.

Sure enough, there're symbols popping up all over the screen.  
"That's not possible. It takes days to calculate the planetary shift of each new location," Sam tells us.

A list of addresses starts scrolling.  
"Whoa, wait a second."

There's a message on the screen – 'No Match with Abydos Cartouche.'  
"Sir, the new Stargates did not come from the Abydos cartouche data that we put in," Sam tells Hammond.

"But that's the only reference we have, isn't it?"

"The Colonel must've input new Stargate locations into the computer."

"Well, I guess that thing must've downloaded more that a language into your brain," Daniel tells me. "That circular inscription read 'the place of our legacy'. What if that thing you looked into was some sort of alien database, like the one we found on Ernest's planet, all the knowledge that these particular aliens possessed?"

I'm not sure I got all that.

"Colonel, you are not under arrest, but you are also not to touch anything else on this base without permission. Understood?" I try harder to understand what Hammond said, and I think I've got it.

I stare at the screen.  
"Aetium, Sir." I tell him. All I know is that I need to reassure him so he doesn't stop me from doing whatever needs to be done.


	27. Chapter 27

From worry to relief to mounting panic. It's not the first time one of us got knocked out off world, and when he came round and Janet said he'd be ok, my relief was palpable. Now? I don't know what to think. He's building something he claims not to understand, and he's written programming to the gate system and supplied us with what look like new gate addresses. I could probably cope with that if he seemed like himself, but he doesn't. He's withdrawing from us, and I think he's having problems understanding us. He looks like he's having to concentrate on the words, and half the time he's not even trying. It's like my Jack is disappearing before my eyes.

A few hours after rewriting the machine code, Jack's obviously exhausted, and Janet insists on putting him to bed in the infirmary for the night. She wants me to go and get some sleep too, but I ignore that, and for once, she doesn't push it. I spend the night dozing in a chair by his bedside. She even found one that's a bit more comfortable than the usual infirmary standard.

I don't know if Jack would have slept at all if it hadn't been for the sedative Janet gave him. Even so, he's restless, muttering things I don't understand. The one thing that seems to calm him is when I touch him – his hand, his face. By morning, he seems to have lost the ability to speak at all, unless you count the language Daniel's calling Ancient after an inscription Jack read that apparently said, 'We are the Ancients'.

Much as I'd like to spend my day with Jack, General Hammond needs me to continue trying to work out what Jack did to the computer system. Jack has gravitated to Daniel since he seems to be the only person who understands him. It hurts. Both the fact that I'm needed elsewhere and the fact that he needs Daniel more than me … hurt.

But … these Ancients … Daniel thinks they're the ones who built the Stargates.

"But why would they build a device that does … this?" I ask him when I take a few minutes to see how things are.

"'The place of our legacy', to pass on their knowledge. Jack may have the knowledge of the original Gate builders downloaded into his brain."

Jack looks up from where he's working.

"Ego indeo navo locas."

"Okay," Daniel says, the excitement clear in his tone. I want to yell at him that this is Jack – it's not an interesting artefact, but I know that wouldn't be fair. Daniel continues. "Ego means 'I'."

Jack continues a word at a time.

"Indeo."

"Need."

"Navo."

"New."

"Locas."

That one stumps Daniel for a moment. He looks it up.

"Locas, locas, locas. Locatia. Location. You need a new location. You need a new location?"

"Jack, where do you want to go?"

I can't help it. I put a hand on his shoulder, and he seems to find that easier to understand. His cheek brushes against it for a moment before he shakes his head in confusion. He doesn't seem to know.

I don't want to leave him, but I haven't finished on the computer, and I need to check on the twins. They don't know what's happened to Jack. They've lost so much already that we decided to just keep Jack's condition quiet for now.

"Okay, good luck, you guys, I've got to get back to the computer."

As I turn to leave, I spot the blackboard that Jack covered in a Math equation earlier. It looks good, but it's wrong – it just doesn't equate.

"Jack, I really wish you could explain all this."

He's been using a notebook to communicate, and he hands it to me.

'10 equals 8'

The words echo in my mind for a moment before an idea occurs to me. I pick up the chalk and check out my theory.

"Ten equals eight. Jack, this is base eight Math!"

Jack doesn't seem to understand what I've just said, and Daniel just looks worried.

Several hours later, I've managed to work out the computer situation. I get a message calling me to the infirmary where I find Janet, Jack and Daniel. Janet's done another set of tests, and she wants to explain what she's found, but Jack's not paying any attention that I can see.

"The problem may only be affecting the verbal language centre of your brain - it's a different function than writing - but it looks like the problem is advancing. Since he lost the ability to speak gradually, I think whatever has affected him may be taking over incrementally."  
"But what does that mean for Jack?" I demand.

"Well, the computer analogy is pretty good. Colonel, your hard drive has been filled with information that is written in a language your computer doesn't understand. If it continues to progress the way it has thus far, you may eventually lose the ability to write or even comprehend us. Or, worse, the computer could shut down all together."

I take a deep breath. Jack shrugs. I don't know how much he's understanding. I want to hold him, to show him that I love him, but I'm scared that the person he's becoming won't really understand. I settle for putting my hand on his shoulder as I leave the infirmary. He looks at me for a moment, and I know that, whatever's happening, Jack's still in there. I don't know whether to be relieved or scared for him.

When I get back to the control room, there's news. We've been sending probes to gate addresses from the list Jack supplied, in the hope of finding someone who can help him. The most recent images could be just what we've been looking for. I call Daniel to take a look, and a few minutes later, Daniel and I are reporting the findings to General Hammond.

"P9Q-281 has a pedestal near the Gate with symbols on it that match the alien language that Jack's speaking," Daniel explains.

"Then I suggest we check it out. Major Castleman will command the mission, taking the remaining members of SG-1. Captain, under the circumstances, I won't order you to go on the mission, but if there's technology there that might help the Colonel, you're our best bet to work out how to do it."

"I'll go, Sir," I agree. "It's not like there's much I can do here to help."

"But, if Jack's not going, then I have to stay," Daniel points out. I feel another stab of jealousy. Why should he get to stay if I can't?  
"Why is that, Doctor?" Hammond asks.

"Well, if Sam and Teal'c make contact with the Ancients, and they can report back, then Jack and I will go, but until then, I mean, translating this language may be the most important thing we've done since we opened the Stargate."  
General Hammond looks for him to continue.  
"You see, I'm pretty sure that Jack is speaking the language of the original Gate builders. At the very least, I'm positive that it's one of the races that created the repository of information on Ernest's planet…the, uh…meaning of life stuff."

"And, Sir," I add. "I believe that an equation the Colonel wrote on a blackboard is a revolutionary formula for calculating the distance between planetary bodies."

"And bottom-line, Sir, what about Jack? I mean, right now I'm possibly his only hope for communicating on any kind of serious level. I can't leave him like this, and I won't."

General Hammond nods.  
"All right. The rest of you will leave at 1600 hours."

I spend as much of the intervening time as I can with Jack, but it's too little. Our only means of communication is touch, and while it says a lot, the way he looks at me, with so much regret, leaves me feeling like I'm losing him.

SSSSS

The mission soon turns out to be a complete waste of time, and worse, it's obvious that the planet can't support anything approaching human life. It has two suns, and while the daytime temperature with only one sun in the sky was hot, when the second sun rises, it's obvious that we'll be cooked in a few hours. We immediately try to dial out, but we find we can't. When the SGC dials in to find out why we didn't return the probe, we explain the situation. By that time, Teal'c is already trying to dial home manually, and we agree that the SGC will contact us again if we're not back in an hour.

The manual dial fails, and General Hammond promises to get people working on a way to get us home.

The first suggestions that come through prove that no one at the SGC has any idea what we're facing. I'm hot, and my skin's already burning badly despite high factor sun block, and they're offering us tents. Bleak as things seemed before we left, I'm now facing the possibility that I'll never see Jack again.

And then, just an hour later, they send through plans for the DHD. They're immaculately drawn and more detailed than I would have thought possible. Included are instructions on how to fix it.

It doesn't take long then, and soon we're relieved to be walking down the ramp of the SGC.

"Glad to have you back," General Hammond greets us.

"Good to be back, Sir," Major Castleman replies.

"Thought our goose was quite literally cooked this time, Sir," I add. "These plans were perfect, who came up with them?"

The General looks at Jack who's standing close to him.  
"Jack?"

He shrugs.

"I am sorry, O'Neill. We could not find a way to help you," Teal'c tells him.

I approach closer, putting a hand on his shoulder, and he mirrors the gesture. This is so hard. I want to hold him, but …

"Dr. Fraiser wants to check you all out," General Hammond reminds us.

A short while and a cool shower later, I join Daniel and Jack who're looking at … something.

"Feel better?" Daniel asks.

"Much, thanks. What's this?"

"Jack built it, but no one seems to be able to figure out what it is."

He switches it on. It glows, but nothing else is obvious.  
"Jack, you have no idea what it is or why you built it?"

He shakes his head while rubbing the heel of his hand into his left eye. I know he's in pain – Jack ignores anything minor – but there's nothing I can do.

My concern is interrupted by klaxons and someone calling me to the control room. General Hammond is already there when I arrive.

"We were preparing to send SG-11 to the next new Stargate address that Colonel O'Neill programmed into the computer."

"The Gate wouldn't dial out; the computer's frozen," Lieutenant Simmons adds.

"That doesn't make any sense, we've just run a full diagnostic," I remind the General.

Simmons calls up the energy output reading.

"The Stargate's trying to draw more power than usual from the system," I realise, but I have no idea why.

I'm trying everything I know to fix the problem but I'm no closer to understanding it when suddenly, there's more power available.

"Sir, somehow the Stargate just got a huge power boost. It's drawing ten times more power than normal," I inform the General.  
"Isn't that impossible?"  
"Yes, Sir, the circuit should've blown."

General Hammond picks up the phone, ordering Siler and a maintenance crew to the power room.

And then things get even stranger.  
"Uh, Sir? The Gate is dialling out."

"Where to?"

"I have no way of knowing. We've completely lost control, Sir."

Simmons is announcing the fifth chevron when Jack, Daniel and Teal'c arrive.

"The device that Jack built is some sort of energy source. He just hooked it up in the power vault," Daniel tells us.

"Well, that explains where the Gate's getting all the extra power," I realise.

"I would not have authorised that, Doctor Jackson." Hammond sounds disapproving. He turns to me.  
"Captain, how do we stop this?"

"You could have Siler pull the main breaker," I suggest.

"Chevron six is encoded."

"Wait. Jack has been saying that this is a good thing. Now, so far he's done nothing bad." Not for the first time, I envy Daniel's ability to argue his point without worrying about military etiquette.

"So far," the General concedes.

"Chevron seven … is encoded?"

I glance to the monitor.

"And it's not Earth as point of origin."

"What?" the General demands.

"General, what if all these anomalies that have been happening to Jack are part of some big plan?" Daniel suggests.

"What plan?"

"Well, earlier Jack was telling me he had to go through the Gate. Maybe everything up until now has been leading to this."

"What's it doing?" I ask Simmons.  
"Chevron eight is locked."

The gate activates.

Simmons keeps us up to date on the wormhole data.

"Wormhole is tracking…"  
"Captain?" Hammond asks.

"Sir, the computer indicates that the wormhole is leaving our known network of Stargates. It's going outside of our galaxy. Far out."

"That's why the Gate needed all the extra power," Daniel suggests.

"Hold on. I thought Stargate addresses were six points in space with the seventh being the point of origin," Hammond demands.

"The extra chevron must add a new distance calculation to the existing points. It's kind of like dialling a different area code."

"Now what?"

Jack moves towards the door.

"Colonel!" Hammond barks.

Jack's path is barred by a guard.

"I'm just supposed to let you go?" Hammond asks.

"He's already gone, General. I don't think we have much of a choice," Daniel points out.

Hammond nods to the guard, who stands aside. Jack walks to the door with General Hammond, Daniel, Teal'c and me close behind.

Jack pauses in front of the ramp.

"I'll go with you, Jack," I offer.

"I really think he needs to do this alone, Sam."

Jack looks at me with something like pleading in his eyes. I put my arms around his neck and hold him tight, pleased when his arms find their way around my waist. We stay like that for a few seconds before he pulls away. He kisses my forehead once in a way I know he means to be reassuring.  
"I really hope this is the right thing to do," I hear the General say.

"Wait, without the remote code device he won't be able to get back," I remind General Hammond.

"Without knowing where he's going and why, that could put us in further jeopardy. I'm sorry, I can't authorise it."

"Jack. You understand that if you do this, if you go, you might not be able to come back," I tell him, willing him to understand and desperate not to let my voice crack. I feel like I'm saying goodbye. He traces my cheek with a finger, then turns and walks through the gate.

As soon as he's gone, I rush back to the control room where Simmons is following Jack's progress.

"Traveller is still en route."

And then the display flashes a message that makes my stomach turn to ice. Simmons tells the others. "We've lost the traveller."


	28. Chapter 28

I land heavily as I exit the gate. I check out the unfamiliar surroundings, completely disorientated.

As I look up from my position on the floor, a figure approaches. It's short, grey and has very thin legs. It doesn't take much to recognise an Asgard. I stand up, and see he's not alone. There are lots of them, whispering among themselves.

I know I need help, and so I ask for it, the only way I can.

"Ego … deserdi … asordo …"

They mumble among themselves, and it's not a language I've ever heard before, and yet I understand it.  
"He's human. From Earth."

"But he's speaking the language of the Ancients."

"Comdo…asordo…" I ask again.

"He wants help."

One of the two closest Asgard holds up his palm in a way that's disconcertingly familiar and a ray of light hits me. There's a momentary pain followed by blessed peace and then darkness.

There were two Asgard close to me when I went to sleep, and there are two when I wake up. They look kind of similar, but for the sake of keeping them straight, I give them names in my head. The one that pointed the palm-thing at me I call Bart and the other Homer.

"Hello," I greet them as I get onto my knees. "Thank you."

"You are welcome," Bart says, in a distinctly un-Bart way.

"You understand me?"

"We speak many languages," Homer tells me, proving that he's got nothing in common with the other Homer either.

"You're the Asgard. Thor's race, right?"

"You have heard of us?" Bart asks.

"Nothing but good things," I'm quick to reassure them.

"You looked into the archive that stores all the Ancients' knowledge." That from Homer.

"Apparently."

"It was not meant for you," he tells me.

"What? This was all an accident?"

"Human physiology has not advanced to the point where your brain could handle that technology," says Bart.

"Oh. So where am I?"

"This is the Asgard planet, Othala, in the galaxy of Ida."

"Why did I come here?" Well, I don't know, so I'm hoping they can tell me.

"The Ancients moved on from our region of space long ago, but your sub-conscious mind used their knowledge to find us here, where you could get help." Homer looks surprised as he speaks. Assuming I'm reading the expression.

"Very impressive." Bart's got a similar expression on his face. Maybe I'm right.

"Well, you know…"

Then Bart goes and spoils it by adding, "We did not think your brains had advanced even that far." Talk about cutting me down to size.

"How is it you know so much about our brains?"

"We have studied your race closely." Coming from the one I named Bart that sounds scarier than it should.

"Ah. What did you learn?"

"That your species has great potential."

"Great potential, that's good."

"Understand this," Bart continues. "There was once an alliance of four great races in the galaxy; the Asgard, the Nox…

"Met them."

"…the Furlings…"

"Don't know them."

"…and the Ancients, the builders of the Stargates."

"That's a pretty heady group."

"The alliance was built over many millennia. Your race has much to prove before we may interact on that level."

I stand up and approach Bart and Homer, crouching as I reach them.

"Look, you all seem to be quite wonderful … people. And I don't want to sound ungrateful, because I really, really appreciate you getting all that stuff out of my head, but you folks should understand that we're out there, now, and we might not be ready for a lot of this stuff, but we're doing the best we can. We are a very curious race."

They look at each other, and then Bart offers me his hand. Again I regret naming him that, but I take it anyway. I stand up.

"You have already taken the first steps towards becoming the fifth race," Homer informs me.

Without any obvious trigger, the gate activates again.

"It is time for you to go home, Jack O'Neill," Homer tells me.

"Oh, ok. But what about the iris? If I …"

"The iris is not engaged. You will be safe."

I've got no choice but to trust them. They haven't let me down … yet.

I'm still relieved when I arrive at the SGC a little later, even though it's to a Gate room bristling with guns aimed at me.

I know Sam wasn't there when I arrived, but seconds later, she is, and she's in my arms. . I pull back so I can look at her, and her face is a mass of contradictions … there're tears in her eyes, but her face is lit by a smile.

"Miss me?" I ask.

She punches my shoulder playfully.

I look around, spotting Daniel and Teal'c approaching.

"I'm back," I inform them, unnecessarily.

"What happened?" Daniel demands.

"Do you still possess the knowledge of the Ancients?" Teal'c wants to know.

"Nope. Don't remember a thing. But you know that meaning of life stuff?"

Daniel nods.

"I think we're going to be all right."

I'm more tired than I can remember being, but I've got to get the inevitable trip to the infirmary over before I can do anything else. Sam has to go and make sure everything's ok with the gate system, but she's back in the infirmary minutes later with the news that she'll be finished for the day once I've debriefed.

"General Hammond told me to take you home if Janet agrees."

"What about the twins?" I ask. Funny, I haven't been able to think about them lately, but now, they're right there at the front of my thoughts.

"Tesia's been looking after them. Janet thinks the family'll be ok."

"No word from the Tokra yet, I assume?"

"No."

Sam stays as close to me as she can while I'm prodded, poked and recorded in all of Fraiser's patented ways. When she's finally satisfied, we're both relieved.

The debrief is short. There's not really a lot I can say. And I really just want to get home. I don't know when I was this tired.

Once we're out of the SGC, Sam goes quiet, although, at Fraiser's suggestion, she does insist on driving. We get home, and I flop onto the sofa. Truth is, I should just go to bed, but the effort of getting there seems like too much. Sam's flitting around nervously, and after watching her for a while, I gesture her to sit beside me. She does, but she's not completely relaxed.

"What's up, Sam?"

"Nothing," she lies.

I just look at her, and the tears I saw earlier form in her eyes again.

"Sam?"

"It's just … I thought I'd lost you. I thought … I wasn't going to see you again – twice today. First, when I got stuck, and then …"

"I know." Despite everything else going on in my head, the thought of never seeing her again was more than I could take.

"What was it like?"

"What?"

"Having all that stuff in your head."

"Like … knowing that there were things that I was … not exactly forgetting … but that weren't where they should be. Things … people mainly. Mainly you. It felt like you were being pushed out, and I resented the hell out of it. But I couldn't stop it. But when you touched me, it brought some of it back. I need to touch you."

She snuggles closer.

"Sam, I don't want to spoil the moment, but if I don't go to bed soon, I'll be spending the night on the sofa, and that won't do my back any favours. Feel up to helping your old husband into bed?"

"Sure," she smiles. It's not a proper Carter smile – there's too much sadness there for that, but I understand. Just knowing that we came so close … it takes the joy out of things. It's not the first time, and I'm damn sure it won't be the last, but that doesn't make it easier.

JJJJJ

Sam and I spend two glorious days together. A whole weekend of ordinary, everyday things that she makes so special just by sharing them with me. Too soon, Monday morning comes, and we're back at the SGC.

The first big change is that the twins are busy when I go looking for them. They're holed up with a tutor. I suppose it makes sense, and Cassie had a tutor for a while before going to school. You can't bring a kid from another planet and expect them to just fit in with the others without giving them some time to get to know the things Earth kids grew up knowing. So, they've got a few weeks of that, and when they're ready, they'll go to school.

It feels like I was out of the loop for longer than I thought, because when I go to the infirmary so that Fraiser can do a bit more prodding, I spot Tesia there, in one of the side-offices, working on a computer.

"What's she doing?" I ask.

"She wanted something to do. The twins are going to be busy, and she's much better than she was. You know she's a trained doctor? Well, she can't practice here – for now at least – but she's done a lot of research. She's looking through some recent Earth research and comparing it with her own experience. In time, I hope I can get her involved in some specific projects – ones where she's the undoubted expert – but for now, I think that'd be too painful."

"Can she access anything … critical from there?" I'm not entirely comfortable with the idea that she might be able to get hold of sensitive information.

"No, Colonel. The General only authorised her to have access to public areas of the system, and apart from some software to allow her to record her comparisons, all she's accessing are the various online journals we have subscriptions for."

"Ok," I agree. I've got a niggle with Tesia. I think there's something not-quite-right with her, but I don't have any evidence.

Once Fraiser's finished with me, I've got no choice other than to go and write a report of my contact with the Asgard. And then there's a pile of memos that I think has doubled in size since I got my head grabbed. Sam's busy in her lab, although we agreed to meet up for lunch.

The alarm starts before I've even made a dent in the pile. Simmons is the tech. on duty, and I arrive a few feet behind Sam to hear him tell her it's an unscheduled off world activation.

"Getting a signal," Simmons tells us. It might have been my imagination, but I think I saw him pale a bit when he saw me standing there. Remembering what Sam said about me growling at him, I almost smile.

"Who've we got out there?" I ask.

To his credit, Simmons' answer is perfectly professional.

"SG teams 4, 6 and 10 are the only units presently off world, Sir."

"Daniel's with 6, isn't he?" I ask Sam.

"Yeah, he's on a dig on P3X-808."

"Computer can't identify the signal. It's not a GDO transmission." Simmons' voice has just an edge of concern as he looks to Sam for an explanation.

"Let me hear it." She listens for a moment before giving her opinion.

"Intermittent RF pulses, low frequency."

Simmons connects the signal to the main speakers as Hammond comes in.

"What have we got?"

"Don't know, sir. Some kind of signal," I offer.

"There's a repeating signal. Lieutenant," Sam continues without acknowledging the General. "Play it through the computer. We can run it a lot faster."

"Trying 200 percent," he answers."

The result has Sam shaking her head.  
"Go to six".  
"Computer now recognizes the signal as SG-10's iris code," Simmons announces.

"That's Henry Boyd's team."

"Why would their code be coming through so slowly?" Hammond asks.

"I have no idea, sir, but if we don't open the iris …"

"The next thud we hear will be Henry Boyd's team," I complete Sam's thought.

"Do it," Hammond orders.

"Come on, Hank. The door's open," I mutter, but before he does, the wormhole collapses.

"What happened?" Hammond demands.

"I don't know, Sir."

"General, SG-1 would like the rescue mission."

"Not yet, Colonel."

"Hank would do the same for us."

"I know he would, if and when I gave the order. In the meantime, I want a probe on the ramp and ready to go ASAP." That last was aimed at Simmons who goes to set it up.

"Colonel, have units SG-1 and 3 geared up and standing by," Hammond tells me. "Captain Carter, if it's a technical problem with the gate, they'll need your help in the event I authorise the mission."

"In the event, Sir?" I ask.

"Let's see what the probe tells us."


	29. Chapter 29

We meet the General on the way back to the Gate room. When we get there, the MALP's just about ready.

Simmons' voice is heard from the control room. "Chevron 3 encoded."

Jack's still determined for us to go, but the General tells him to accompany him to the control room. I stay to ensure the probe's correctly configured.

I hear their continued conversation as they leave the room.

"You could Gate into an ambush for all we know."

"I recommended Major Boyd for this command. Now, if he's in trouble, I want to go in."

"I'm aware of that, Colonel."

When I'm happy the MALP is ready, I join the others in the control room just in time to see the probe disappear into the event horizon.

My eyes are glued to the screen when the image appears. It's not what I expected, so I check the readings.

"I don't understand. It's just …" Hammond starts.

"Red, sir," Jack agrees.

"Are we receiving telemetry?"

"Yes, sir, but at an even slower rate than before," I tell them. "There's an image here. Input the video feed into the computer, but compensate for a longer light wavelength. Step it up in 20 millimicron increments," I suggest.

"Captain?" Hammond asks for an explanation.

"Sir, it's possible that the image we're receiving from the probe has red-shifted, distorted toward the infrared end of the spectrum."

"Why?"

"The same reason their codes came through so slowly," Teal'c surmises.

"Yeah, whatever that is."

"It's working," Simmons tells us.

"What the hell's going on, Hank?" I hear Jack mutter.

"Is something pursuing them?" Teal'c's eyes flicker over the screen.

"See if you can play back the video transmission in real time. We need to find out …"

"This is all we've received so far, sir. Eleven frames of digital picture in the last six minutes," Simmons tells us.

"That represents a fraction of a second," I calculate.

"Perhaps a malfunction?" Teal'c looks inscrutable as always.

"No. The picture tells us everything we need to know. That team is in trouble, probably under attack. Permission to go in, Sir?" Jack asks.

"Negative, Sir," I say, quickly. The most likely reason for all this has just dawned on me. I'm praying that I'm wrong.

"What do you mean?" Jack demands.  
"I'm sorry, Colonel. With all due respect, but if I'm right, we can't help them. The camera may still respond to commands."

I turn towards Simmons.  
"See if you can tilt it up and give us a wider image."

"I think I know what Major Boyd seems so afraid of," I tell them. "There," I point at the screen. "Isolate that area and digitally enhance."

The image focuses, and I know from Jack's sharp intake of breath that he knows what I mean.  
"What am I looking at?" Hammond demands, but I suspect he's just hoping it's not what it looks like.

"That's a black hole, Sir." Jack tells him.

"A newly formed one by the looks of it," I agree. "P3W-451 was orbiting its companion star. The orbit's probably pulling them closer and closer."

"Why don't they just Gate out of there?" Hammond asks.

"They're trying to, sir, but the closer you get to a black hole …" I start.

"Time slows down," Jack finishes my thought.

"It almost appears to stand still," Teal'c observes.

"From our perspective, yes, but you have to remember that time is relative. As far as SG-10 is concerned, only a few seconds have passed. They're still trying to save themselves."

"What will happen to them?" Hammond asks.

"Well, Sir, the time dilation is a result of the intense gravity, which is directly proportional to their proximity …" I start, only to have Hammond interrupt with a bark.

"Captain!"

"Sorry, Sir. Their bodies will be pulled apart by increasing tidal forces."

"They did manage to activate the Stargate once," Teal'c reminds us.

"Yeah, but from their perspective, it couldn't have been open for more than a second," Sam explains.

"Is there nothing we can do to save them?" I'm pretty sure the General knows the answer, but he's hoping he's wrong.

"They've had it, Sir." Jack tells him.

"You know that for a fact, Colonel?"

"No, Sir. I don't." he admits. "But have a look at Major Boyd's face. What does that say to you?"

We all look at the screen. Boyd's face shows his absolute desperation.

"Very well," Hammond agrees. "Disengage the Stargate."

I'm torn between fascination and revulsion at what I'm seeing. On one level, it's a chance of a lifetime to see a black hole up close, and at another, we're seeing good people die. I shake my head.

Lieutenant Simmons inputs the command, but gets the message, 'Cannot Disengage'.

"Sir, it won't disengage," he informs the General.

"Try again."

"I already have, Sir. Twice. It won't shut down."

Jack and I share a look before I sit at a different terminal to try to find a way to shut down the wormhole.

"Carry on, people," Hammond orders. "In the event you continue to find yourselves unable to disconnect the wormhole, I need to go inform the President."

I assemble a team, and continue to try everything I can think of. I've got Siler in the Gate room, while I continue to monitor things from the control room.  
"Sergeant, try disconnecting the superconductive interface."  
"Already tried that, Captain. It's stuck."

"Teal'c, Siler could use a hand," I suggest.

"I will assist."

I go towards the General's office to update him, but meet him on the stairs.

"Captain Carter," he greets me.

"General. I was just on my way to report, Sir. The capacitors should have fully discharged by now, but somehow, the Gate is drawing power directly."

"Isn't there supposed to be a theoretical time limit to how long a wormhole can be maintained?"

"Yes, sir. We just passed it."

"Well, then how is this possible?"

He gestures that we should go to the control room, and I explain as we go down. "Well, since time is passing more slowly on P3W-451, relative to Earth, we're experiencing a paradox the Stargate was never designed for."

As we catch sight of the gate, it's obvious that the event horizon's rippling in an unfamiliar manner.  
"Why in God's name is it doing that?"

"I have no idea, Sir," I admit.

"It started just after you got online with the President," Jack tells him.

"I never got through to the President."

"Beg your pardon, sir. It seems we've lost communication below Sub-level 24," Simmons informs us.

"Where is the nearest secure phone above that?"

"NORAD, main level."

"I won't be gone long. In the meantime, Colonel, …"

"Understood, Sir."

Jack looks at me, and his expression shows he's thought of something. "Carter, what would happen if we simply pull the plug?"

I quickly go through the likely result of that in my head.

"I don't know, exactly, Sir. It could result in damage to critical systems, but given the circumstances …"

"Right." He moves to the microphone. "Siler, you're with me."

A few minutes later, I hear Jack's voice on the radio.

"All right, Carter. We've reached the main power vault."

"We'll isolate the capacitors first," I suggest.

Simmons has the schematics in front of him, and he follows my suggestion, answering, "Panel six."  
"Colonel, pull breakers 90 through 94 on panel six."

"Roger that. Stand by."

I go to the microphone to warn those in the Gate room to stand clear.

A moment later, I hear Jack's voice again. "Alright. We're kind of shorting out up here."

I glance at Simmons. "Main breaker?"

"It'll overload."

"We got to do it. Colonel, pull the main breaker," I tell him.

"On one. 3. 2. 1."

The result of that is a firework display in the Gate room as sparks fly around the power assemblies. Teal'c dives for cover.  
"Colonel, are you alright?" I demand into the radio. "Jack?"

I hear Simmons' voice while I wait for a response from Jack.

"Medical emergency to the Gate room."

My heart's hammering in my chest as I wait for Jack to respond. My eyes are on the wormhole, but beyond a single flicker, it's still there.  
At last Jack's voice sounds over the radio. "Siler's hurt. Did it work?"

"Negative, Sir. Even with the power cut, it still won't shut down."

"How's that possible?"

"It must be deriving its energy from the black hole itself."

"Get a med. team to the main power vault," I order Simmons before continuing down to the gate room. "We've got to get these fires out!"

I reach Teal'c, who's trying to get up.  
"Help is on the way," I tell him.

A moment later, two medics appear.

"Do not concern yourself with my injury," he tells them.

"You're badly burned, Teal'c, even for you," I point out.

He ignores the people who're assessing his injury, turning to look at the wormhole.  
"The Stargate."

I follow his gaze. Smoke from the various electrical fires in the room seems to be wafting through the wormhole. I approach, taking off my dog tags and holding them up to the event horizon. They're quite clearly pulled towards it. Realisation dawns, and it's worse than I'd thought. I turn towards the control room

"Lieutenant, close the iris!" I order.

"It's an outgoing wormhole," Simmons' voice comes through the PA system. "Nothing can come through this way."

"Except for the black hole's gravity. Now close it! That's an order!"

I watch as the iris closes. It's the strongest material we know how to make, but at best, it's bought us just a little time.


	30. Chapter 30

I go to the infirmary with Siler. Sam's already there, sitting close to Teal'c, who's also being treated.  
"Siler took a pretty good hit. How're you doing, Teal'c?"

"I suffered simple electrical burns, O'Neill. Nothing more."

"He'll be out of commission for a few days," Sam informs me.

There's a sound, not unlike distant thunder. I look to Sam for an explanation.

"Carter?"

"Gravity waves. Colonel, I assumed that the wormhole itself would insulate us from the black hole's gravitational field, but it seems that our space-time has begun to warp just like on P3W-451."

"How will you stop that?"

"We're in trouble, Sir."

I close my eyes for a second. I knew the past two days were too good to be true. "Ok. Do what you can," I tell her, wishing I could pass the burden onto someone else. But the truth is that if Sam can't work something out, we're not going to make it.

"Yes, Sir."

I'm on my way back to the control room when I hear a gun being cocked. I turn and see Fraiser.  
"Colonel!" she greets me, sounding relieved.

"Clear!" The voice comes from behind her, and in the low-level emergency lighting, I can just make out who it is, and it's just about the last person I ever expected to see here.

"Cromwell?"

"You know this guy, Sir?" the Doc. asks.

"Oh, yeah," I admit.  
"Go. Go on." I tell the doctor, as I point her in the direction of the infirmary.

"It's been a while," I say to Cromwell.

"Yeah. Five hours. Got everybody pretty worried upstairs. Where's the General?"

"What's the five hours?" I demand, wondering if the man's lost it.

"That's how long this facility's been out of contact with the outside world. Pentagon suspected alien hostiles."

Never mind the explanation, there's something even more ridiculous about this than that.

"And they sent you?"

I walk past him, continuing my way to the control room. Cromwell follows.

When we get there, Cromwell's eyes are drawn to the Stargate. He whistles.  
"So…this is the Stargate. What's the problem?"

I tap the monitor I've been trying not to look at – the one that shows Hank Boyd's last moments.

"Well, we gated to a planet that's being sucked up by a black hole. Very bad. Very dangerous."

"And why is that?"

"Things tend to get sucked in."

Sam appears, glancing at Cromwell but then ignoring him.  
"Took the liberty of closing the iris, Sir."

"Captain Carter, Colonel Cromwell," I introduce. Sure, I could introduce Sam as my wife but the less Cromwell knows about my personal life, the better I'm going to like it. Ever the professional, my wife doesn't react to the apparent slight, just salutes.  
"He's come to rescue us," I explain. "I wouldn't count on it."

It occurs to me that I've never told her about Cromwell. Oh, she knows about Iraq – the basics anyway – but I never mentioned any names.

"Pentagon was concerned you were under alien attack when we lost contact."

"How long ago was that?" Sam asks.

"A little over five hours ago. Why?"

"My watch reads 1330 hours. What does yours say?"

"Running slow, Captain. It's almost 1900."

"Damn it. Colonel, I have to get off this level," she tells me.

Just then, we hear Simmons' voice from the Gate Room. It sounds distorted and low.  
"Captain Carter."

Sam goes to the microphone.

"What have you got, Lieutenant?"

"The field is expanding. I'm reading over 7 Gs at the iris."

"Keep your distance, Lieutenant," she warns.  
She turns to me. "Sir, for some reason, the warping of our space-time seems to be in advance of the gravitational field rather than as a result of it. It's probably a lensing effect generated by the Stargate itself, but I can't be sure."

I nod. I know Cromwell's watching me.

"Don't even pretend you understood that."

I choose to ignore him.  
"The point is, Sirs, time is passing more slowly down here than it is outside the mountain."

"Time is time," Cromwell disagrees.

"No, Sir. Not according to relativity. Now with the intense gravity field of something like a black hole, time actually slows down."

"We're not in a black hole." Cromwell responds.

"Not yet," she tells him. "But we are connected to its gravitational field through the Stargate and it's expanding in this direction like a bubble slowly extending outward. That's why I have to leave, Sir. I have to contact the Pentagon and try to find a solution before the gravity field extends beyond the Gate room."

Hammond's voice comes from the doorway. "I just came from there myself, Captain. Colonel Cromwell, I believe."

Cromwell salutes.

"You just came from Washington, Sir?" I ask, not succeeding in keeping the disbelief out of my voice.

"There and back again. After someone upstairs managed to explain what was going on to me, we called an all-night session with the President and the Joint Chiefs. I've been gone nearly eighteen hours."

"I thought you were on the phone," I manage.

"It means the time dilation is getting worse as the field expands," Sam realises.

"That's the consensus," Hammond agrees. "We've set up a command post directly above, right on top of the mountain to monitor the expansion."

"I have to get up there."

"The experts we consulted believe we're going to have to commence an auto destruct sequence to destroy the Stargate itself."

Not what I wanted to hear.

"They assure me that the gravity field now present around the Gate will help to contain the blast within the mountain and pose no threat to the civilian population."

"With all due respect, Sir. I don't think so." And I know Sam's 'I don't think so,' is anyone else's, 'I'm pretty damned sure.'

"If we don't try, we lose the planet right through that," Hammond says, motioning towards the iris.

"We may well succeed in destroying the base, Sir, but leave the Gate and the wormhole intact. What happens to the planet then?"

"Orders have been given at the highest level, Captain. It is our duty to carry out those orders."

"But, Sir …"

"The decision's been made, Captain. Don't forget those people up there've been working on this a lot longer than you have. It's what they came up with."

"Yes, Sir."

"I'm ordering the complete evacuation of the SGC, effective as of right now. I'll need two volunteers to stay behind in order to give our personnel a head start."

"I'll stay, Sir."

I can see the indecision on Sam's face. She wants to stay, but she knows she'll be more useful at ground level. I'm relieved when I see that she realises where she needs to be.

"Me too, Sir," Cromwell adds.

Not what I wanted. "Anyone else?" I ask.

"Looks like you're stuck with me, Jack."

"Done! It takes two officers to initiate the countdown," Hammond states.

He takes the microphone and makes a base-wide announcement.  
"Attention! This is General Hammond. All personnel are ordered to evacuate this facility immediately! Repeat, all personnel report to the main level immediately! That is all!"

"Wait five minutes, then start the countdown. Good luck," Hammond says before he leaves.

"Thank you, Sir," Cromwell answers.

"Make sure you give yourself enough time to get out, Jack," Sam tells me.

"Time…right," I answer.

I follow her out of the control room, letting General Hammond go ahead. As soon as we're alone, I put my arms around her.

"I'll be fine, Sam. You go and tell the boffins where they're going wrong. Ok?"

She nods, and I pull away, gently pushing her after the General. I go back to Cromwell.

"She calls you Jack?" he asks.

"Ok, look," I tell him. I don't want to deal with him, but I won't have him thinking the wrong thing about Sam. "She's my wife."

"Your … I thought you and Sara …"

"Not any more."

"Oh," is all he manages.

Cromwell turns his attention to the monitor where Hank Boyd's face is still contorted in fear.

"Who's this?"

"Henry Boyd. Good officer. Smart. This was their first mission as a team." He sometimes reminds me of Sam, but I'm not going to tell Cromwell that.

"He looks scared to death."

"He's on a planet that's about to be swallowed up by a black hole and he knows it."

Never mind relativity, sometimes five minutes seems much longer, although that might have something to do with the company. At almost three minutes, I make a move.  
"Let's get set up," I suggest. "Computer needs your authorisation code before it'll accept the command. Go ahead and enter it."

We enter the codes.  
"Maybe now you know how it feels," Cromwell says.

I don't look up. "You done?" I ask.

"Roger that."

"When the time comes, hit the 'enter' key on my mark…and then run like hell."

"Got it."

I check my watch. "Two minutes."

When I next check my watch, just a minute has passed. "One minute."  
"Maybe the last one," Cromwell suggests.

He walks towards me. "We used to be friends, Jack."

I keep my eyes on the computer screen.

"Yep."

"I was sick to my stomach when I found out you were still alive. I wanted to go back for you."

"Why don't we just do this and get the hell out of here, all right?" I suggest. Anything's better than hearing him justify what he did.

"Somebody dropped a dime on the incursion. You got hit, you went down. I made a judgement call to save the rest of the team."

I turn to face him. "And I saw you take off. And then I saw four months of my life disappear in some stinking Iraqi prison."  
"I thought you were dead!"  
"You thought wrong! What do you want? You want me to forgive you, is that it?"

"Yeah, I guess I do."

"Well, that's tough. What happened to 'nobody gets left behind'?"

He points to Boyd's image on the monitor. "Well, what about him?"

"That is a totally different scenario."

"That is the same damn thing, Jack."

We're interrupted by the glass from the control room windows buckling and then shattering and being pulled towards the Stargate. We both instinctively drop to the floor as the broken glass hits the iris. When we look up, Sam and Siler are there.

"Don't activate the auto destruct, Sir. It won't work. I have another idea."

I manage a smile at her. That's my Sam.

She explains her idea while Siler unloads a pile of equipment they've brought. A few moments later, Cromwell and I are in g-suits and there's a rope dangling towards the Gate

"The g-suits should help you withstand the higher gravity on the way down," Sam tells us.

"What's this bomb we're delivering?" Cromwell asks.

"It's a shaped charge. We want to focus the explosive force toward the wormhole, hopefully with enough energy to cause it to jump… like what happened last year to SG-4."

"When they found the other gate?"

"That's right, Sir. They were dying of cold, and in desperation dialled the planet they'd been on a few missions earlier. From there, they managed to gate home."

"Right," I agree.

"Where is it?" Cromwell asks.

"They're modifying the warhead yield to my calculations, and it's being flown in from Travis."

"How long's all that going to take?"

"Well, sir, with any luck, about 5 more minutes, relatively …"

"Relatively speaking?" I finish.

Siler's finished setting up the rope.

"Anytime you're ready, Sirs. I don't know how much longer that iris is going to hold."

"We have to wait for the bomb," Sam reminds him.

A moment later, Teal'c arrives with the bomb.

I take a look at him – there's no sign of the burns he got just a short while ago. "You got better quick."

"It has, in fact, been several days."

"Yeah. I knew that."  
"Everyone who doesn't have to be here should go topside," Sam suggests, but she doesn't go anywhere. If I didn't know it'd be a waste of time I'd tell her to get out.

Cromwell and I get attached to our ropes.

"Cannot the bomb be detonated by remote?" Teal'c asks.

"It has to be set a certain distance from the Gate and at an exact angle," Sam explains. "The timer can't be set until they're into position because of the variance in time dilation."

"Man, she is …" Cromwell starts, but I interrupt before he says something that'd make me want to hit him.

"Way smarter than we are," I finish.

We start the climb down. The force from the wormhole is enormous and gets obviously greater the further down we go. The others are letting us down slowly.

"Just like old times, huh, Jack?" Cromwell suggests.

"Oh yeah. Black holes, wormholes. Just like old times."

The effort is getting to be as much as my muscles want to cope with.

"Oh, yeah. Yeah. We're pulling some major gees now."

"I feel like I put on a couple hundred pounds," Cromwell quips.

"I wasn't going to say anything."

Sam's voice, strangely distorted and higher-pitched breaks into my concentration.

"Colonel! Jack, look out!"

"Did you hear that?" Cromwell asks, but I'm already looking up towards the control room. I can see a shower of shattered glass heading our way.  
"Look out!"

I can feel the sting of many small cuts where the glass hit. Nothing major, so I ignore it for now. When I glance at Cromwell, his face is covered in small cuts.  
"Are you all right?" he asks.

I ignore the question, taking note of our position.

"This is close enough! Set the timer! 20 seconds!"

"We won't make it out."

"20 seconds!" I insist.

Cromwell moves to set the bomb while my eyes are drawn to the iris which is seriously buckled.

"Set!" he answers.

"Do it!" I demand, just as the iris starts to break apart. The gravitational force increases dramatically, and it's all I can do not to fall into it. Cromwell grabs onto me.

"I got you!" he tells me.

"Get up there and arm that damn bomb!" I order.

"I've got you! Just climb!" he insists.

"Arm the damn bomb!"

"Climb!"

I hear something, and look to see that there's a piece of glass lodged in Cromwell's rope. As I watch, it cuts through, and as Cromwell starts to fall, I pull him towards me. I struggle to hold onto him. It really does feel like there's two or three of him, and I just can't hold on. He's pulled out of my grip and falls into the wormhole, making no attempt to save himself. I've got no choice now. I set the bomb and start to climb back up the rope. It's physically the hardest thing I've ever done, and every inch takes a major effort. I can hear voices above me, but can't make out what they're saying. I know one of them is Sam, and it's like a beacon, drawing me closer. It takes a long time – much longer than twenty seconds – but eventually, I feel the heat and see nothing as everything turns to white and then black.

And then there's white again. White that slowly focuses and becomes an overhead light that I quickly recognise as belonging to the infirmary. I blink a time or two, and spot two heads – one blonde and one dark – on either side of the bed. I turn towards the blonde, and sure enough, I'm rewarded by a smile from Sam. I take a moment to enjoy it before looking around to see Fraiser on the other side of the bed, and focusing further afield, there's Hammond, Teal'c and Daniel.

"Hey, Jack. Did I miss anything?" Daniel asks.

"I made it," I mutter. Seeing Sam next to my bed – it could've meant I was dead and gone to heaven. Hearing Daniel's attempt at a joke … I'm definitely still alive.

"We all made it, thanks to you and Captain Carter," Hammond informs me.

"How?" I ask.

"Teal'c managed to pull you far enough away from the bomb before it went off," Sam answers.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome."

"The majority of the blast energy went right where it was supposed to. The wormhole jumped to P2A-270 and once it did that, we shut it off."

"Good thinking, Captain."

"Thank you, Sir."

"A new trinium-strengthened iris is being installed right now," Hammond informs me. "We should be back in business in no time."

"What day is it?" I ask.

"Well, this might be a little difficult to accept," Daniel starts. "But since you reported for duty yesterday, two weeks have actually gone by."

"Two weeks? Think I'll sleep in."

Hammond grins at me. "You do that."

I feel Sam's hand on mine as I fall asleep again. Next time I wake up, I'll insist I'm well enough to go home where she can look after me. Alone. Next time.


	31. Chapter 31

As the bomb goes off, I'm temporarily blinded. If I didn't already have a handful of Jack's clothing in each hand, I might've thought we'd lost him. As it is, I have no idea whether he's alive or dead. Come to that, I have no idea if the rest of us are going to survive.

As my eyesight comes back, I check Jack over. He's covered in little bits of glass and there's a fair bit of blood seeping out of numerous shallow cuts, but all I can feel is relief when I finally find a pulse.

Teal'c's leaning over us, mouthing something at me, but I can't hear him. He watches my face as I realise Jack's alive, and he returns the smile I know I'm wearing. He takes my arm and draws me to my feet so I can see that the wormhole looks like it normally does. I get up and enter the command to disconnect, and it does.

I crouch back beside Jack, but he's deeply unconscious, so I settle for holding his hand while Teal'c gets on the phone to tell those above that we're ok. They were monitoring the status of the Gate, so I suspect someone's already on their way down, but it doesn't hurt to make sure.

And a couple of minutes later, a med. team's in the control room and Jack's being lifted onto a gurney. They insist Teal'c, Siler and I need to be checked out too, but nothing's going to take me from Jack's side until I know how he is.

Fortunately, it doesn't take long. It's not Janet – apparently she's been at the Academy hospital for most of the time since the evacuation – but one of her staff assures me that the damage is pretty much what we can see. It'll be a while before his hearing (or mine) is back to normal, but otherwise, he's fine. He's even stirring, but the doctor gives him a sedative so she can get his injuries dressed before he wakes up.

Now that I know he's ok, I'm exhausted. Not surprising, given a two-week-long day, but I wouldn't have expected to feel this washed out. Of course, it's a culmination of several incidents where I've almost lost Jack, so maybe that's more to blame than the time dilation effects.

Janet arrives just in time to see Jack finally covered up to sleep in peace, and while we're waiting for him to wake up, she starts to tell me what's been happening.

"They're recalling all the teams that were stranded off world. So far, there's nothing to worry about with them. Last I heard, Daniel was taking a shower, so he should be along soon."

"Good. We got off lightly, everything considered."

"Yes," she agrees.

"So, how long is it since the base was evacuated?"

"Nine days or so. I've been at the Academy Hospital most of that time."

"Why?"

"Well, we had to evacuate the infirmary, but mainly because of Tesia."

"What happened to her?"

"We don't know. She became extremely agitated once away from the mountain. She didn't make any sense, and in the end, I had to sedate her to prevent her trying to return here. Even asleep, she was having nightmares."

"What caused the change?"

"Dr. MacKenzie thinks it might be a result of having moved her from a place she felt safe."

"What about you?"

"I think she's shown too much rational behaviour for it to be as simple as that. She should have felt just as safe at the Academy hospital as she does here – or more safe. It doesn't make sense."

"So, you think she'll be better back here?"

"I hope so. In any case, we should find out soon – she's being settled in a side room, and then we'll have to wait for the sedative to wear off."

"And the twins?"

"They've been upset. Seeing your mom in that sort of state is bound to be upsetting. Lieutenant Wilson's been a Godsend. She's kept them quiet and occupied. She's going to bring them back here as soon as transport's available."

Daniel comes in then, and after trading hugs, he joins us waiting for Jack to wake up. A short while later, General Hammond arrives too.

Jack's only conscious for a few moments before he goes back to sleep, but once I've spoken to him, I'm much happier. I spend the night on base, hoping that Jack will be well enough to go home in the morning.

When I wake, I grab a quick breakfast before heading back to the infirmary. I wouldn't even have done that, if it hadn't been for the fact that I know Janet will check up on me. True enough, I meet her on the way in.

"Good morning, Sam. You're here early. Have you eaten?"

"Yes, Janet. So, how is he?"

"Go and see for yourself," she suggests. "Tesia's awake too."

"How's she?"

"Initially panicked, but she seemed to relax when I told her she was back at the SGC. She's exhausted though, and I'm going to keep her under observation for now. The twins are asleep too – in their quarters, with Lieutenant Wilson in their mom's room."

I make a note to check on them later, but for now, I just need to see Jack.

I approach his bed to find him sitting up looking irritated.

"How're you doing?" I ask.

"Bored. Uncomfortable. Hungry. And did I mention uncomfortable?"

"So, what did Janet say?"

"She said she'd let me go home later if I was good."

"So, be good," I suggest.

He doesn't sound impressed, but turns the conversation round.

"How're you?"

"I'm fine, Jack. You had me scared. Again."

"I know. And … Cromwell didn't make it."

"I know."

"I knew him. Before yesterday."

"I guessed as much."

"He was the CO who left me for dead in Iraq. I've been blaming him for that for a long time."

"And now?"

"I guess I've got to let it go. He thought I was dead. He made the decision to save the rest of the team. Just like Hammond decided not to send us to save SG-11 when there was nothing we could do."

"Doesn't make it any easier," I comment.

He holds my gaze. "No, it doesn't."

I kiss his cheek, and he winds his fingers through mine.

"So, I've got to go do some work," I tell him.

"You mean I don't get you to keep me company?"

"Later. I'll make sure I'm ready to leave early this evening."

"Good."

There's the sudden sound of excited chatter, and we turn to see the twins appear. They spot us, and wave, but they're taken into one of the side rooms, I assume to see their mom.

"Tesia didn't cope with the evacuation," I tell him.

"What happened to her?"

"Janet's not sure. She became agitated as soon as she was evacuated from the mountain. MacKenzie thinks it's just a reaction to what happened to her, but Janet's not convinced. She's a bit calmer now she's back, but she's going to be under observation for a while."

"Twins ok?"

"Worried about Tesia, but ok otherwise."

As if on cue, they emerge from the side room and, once they spot us, they come over, Lieutenant Wilson in tow.

"Jack, what happened?" Shanna asks, rushing over to the bed. She's about to launch herself at Jack, but stops short.

"You're hurt."

"Little accident. Just some cuts," he tells them, smiling. He reaches out to her curls and ruffles them. She grins and gives him a hug. Cal takes that as his cue, and hugs me.

"Was it something to do with the emergency?" he asks.

"Sort of," he agrees. "How're you two doing?"

"We're ok. Marie's been looking after us while Mother was asleep, but we missed you."

"I'm sorry," I apologise.

"It's ok," Shanna quickly adds. "We know you've got to work. You and Jack are very important. Marie explained it all."

I glance at Marie, who's looking rather pink.

"Thanks," I tell her. She smiles, but I'm pretty sure it's as much embarrassment as anything else.

"Look, we're on our way to get breakfast, but I need to check in with Dr. Fraiser. Will the twins be ok here for a while?" she asks.

"Sure," we agree, and as soon as they hear that, the twins each get up onto the bed, either side of Jack.

"How's your mom?" Jack asks.

"She's very tired," Cal tells us. "But she says she's feeling much better."

"Did she tell you why she got so upset?"

"She just said that she remembered some bad things."

"Is she going to be alright?" That's from Shanna, but I know Cal's asking too.

"What has Dr. Fraiser told you?"

"Just that sometimes when people have bad things happen to them, they get frightened when they remember. Abby says we need to talk about what happened to us, or we might be frightened by things when we're bigger."

"You still seeing Abby?" Jack asks.

"Sometimes. She says she thinks because we were together we didn't get as upset as if we'd been alone."

"She's probably right," Jack admits.

I know that their counsellor isn't on the limited list of people who know about the twins' special gift, so she must just believe that their physical closeness helped them.

There's a silence for a moment, but the looks the twins are sharing cause me to wait for their internal conference to be over because I know there's something else on their minds.

"What about our father?"

Jack's expression shows his irritation with all things Tok'ra, and to be honest, I'd expected to have heard something by now.

"We haven't heard anything yet," I admit. "But the emergency these past two weeks meant that the Tok'ra couldn't contact us. We might hear today."

A moment later, an airman summons me to the control room.

"Ok," I say, getting up. "I'll leave you here. I'm sure Jack'll enjoy the company until Lieutenant Wilson's ready." I turn to Jack. "See you later," I promise.

I arrive at the control room to find Lieutenant Simmons and General Hammond. The gate's open and the iris closed.

"What's going on?" I ask.

"A few moments ago, we had an unscheduled off world activation," the General explains. "I understand that we've had several of these in the days before the recent emergency. Any ideas what's causing them?"

"Several?" I ask. "There was one that I know of."

"There were two over the weekend immediately before the emergency," Simmons tells me. "I would've reported them to you, but then there was the black hole, and then …"

"It's ok, Lieutenant. I understand."

The wormhole whooshes closed then, and the General looks towards me.

"I'd like you to investigate these incidents. They may be unconnected, but if someone is dialling that gate, I want to know who it is."

"Yes, Sir."

The Lieutenant and I work for two hours, trying to get some information on who or what's been dialling the gate, but when I've tried everything I can think of, I don't even know for sure that the three events originate at the same gate. The only other possibility is that there's some low level signal through the gate that might at least tie the events together. There's certainly nothing on a normal scale.

I pop in to see Jack, pleased to find him getting dressed.

"So, Janet's discharged you?"

"She has. But I'm not going home until you are. I thought I'd go and annoy Daniel. Unless you'd rather I annoy you."

I grin. "Much as I'd enjoy your company, I've got some data to analyse. If I don't work out what's happening with these off world activations that don't seem to have any purpose, General Hammond's not going to be happy."

"Ok," he agrees. "But it's not going to keep you late, is it?"

"I don't see why it should," I tell him. "It's worrying, but there's been no indication of any threat."

"Good. Now, how about lunch?"

"I was just going to grab something after I speak to Janet."

"What about?"

"Tesia. I wanted to know if there's been any change."

"Nothing when Fraiser released me. Look, let me finish here, and I'll meet you in the commissary. Where're the twins?"

"They'll probably break for lunch soon too. They're with their tutor."

"Ok. See you soon."

I find Janet in her office, reviewing some scans.

"Have you seen Jack?" she asks.

"Yeah. You've released him."

"I have. He's got a mild concussion, but as long as he's not going to be alone, he'll be fine."

"I'll take him home later," I promise.

"That's what I thought."

"How's Tesia?"

"Much calmer," she admits. "She even wants to get back to work."

"How's that going?" I ask. Recent events have stopped me from keeping track of things as closely as usual.

"She's coming up with some interesting things. Her understanding of genetics is at least on a par with the most well-known figures in the field from what I can see. She's already suggesting areas for research that sound absolutely fascinating if only we can ensure funding. At the moment, I'm trying to see some strategic advantage that we can sell to the Air Force."

"How about you give me some details? I might be able to come up with something."

"I was going to ask, but you've had so much to worry about lately."

"Goes with working here," I agree. "But I'd like to take a look."

"I'll have the information sent up to your lab this afternoon," she promises.

"Thanks, Janet. Now, I've got a lunch date with my husband."


	32. Chapter 32

Fraiser wants me to spend a couple of days at home, but what's the point of being there when Sam's at the SGC? At least she's there, rather than off world somewhere, although recent events prove that it can be pretty dangerous right here on Earth.

I manage to persuade her that I'll be able to relax while catching up on paperwork and spending time with the twins. Even better, Cassie's coming in after school. I haven't seen her in too long. After lunch with Sam, the twins and I spend some time planning what to do when Cass gets here.

Once we're set up, I take the twins to the infirmary to see their mom. She's out of bed now, and working at a computer when we get there.

"You're looking better," I tell her.

"I'm feeling better," she agrees. "In fact, Dr. Fraiser released me this morning, so I'll be back in our quarters tonight."

"That's good news."

"Yes. You and Sam have been very kind. I can see how the children came to trust you both when they were lost. I can never thank you enough for everything you've done for them, but I need to take over now."

"Sure," I agree. "Just remember, you don't need to do it alone. We'll always be willing to help out."

"I know, and I appreciate it."

There's been silence for a moment and then she speaks again.

"And there is still no word from the Tok'ra?"

"Not yet. We have to wait to hear from them. It's not like we can just call them up – they won't even tell us where their base is."

"And yet you are friends."

"Friends might be too strong a word," I admit.

"You don't trust them."

"Not really, no. But then, the whole thing is creepy. And then …"

I'm about to mention what happened to Sam, but I change my mind. Tesia's got enough problems of her own without me offloading my baggage.

A while later, I'm called to the briefing room. Whatever it is, it's important. There's no way they would've called me there for something routine – especially when they knew I was in the infirmary. General Hammond might have the stars on his shoulders, but sometimes, it's a very small doctor who seems to run the SGC, and I'm supposed to be taking it easy.

Jacob's with Sam when I get there, and General Hammond joins us a moment later. I already know why Jacob's here. If Jama were ok, he would've brought him.

"He didn't make it, did he?" I might know the answer, but I still need to hear it before we go and tell Tesia.

"It's more complicated than that."

"Complicated?"

"He escaped."

It takes a moment for that to sink in. I remember the time we spent as guests of the Tok'ra. There's no way we could've escaped.

"Escaped," I parrot.

"We had a traitor. Jelmar had recently returned from an undercover operation in Heru'ur's court. He was given the task of monitoring Jama. The Goa'uld proved difficult to sedate at levels that would not eventually kill the host, and Jelmar's experience with such things made him the ideal person to deal with him. It seems he was biding his time. Jelmar and Jama disappeared after distributing a low dose of a narcotic through the life support system. When we woke up, they were gone."

"Crap."

"Believe me, Jack, this is going to be investigated. Jelmar has served the Tok'ra for generations. It's hard to believe that he has betrayed us, but the evidence was clear."

"Any chance there was a change of symbiote?" Sam asks.

"That's the most likely explanation," Jacob concurs. "He missed a check in towards the end of his last mission, but had a perfectly feasible explanation when he got back in touch. Not that we'll be able to prove it unless we can find him."

"When did this happen?" Sam asks.

"A little over two weeks ago. When our original attempts to locate them failed, we tried to get in touch, but we couldn't get a lock."

"Yeah, well, we were dealing with some weighty problems."

There's a half-smile at that.

"Anything we can do?" Hammond asks.

"Probably not … unless you happen to bump into Jama."

"Thank you, Jacob," Hammond says. "I know you need to get back."

"Yes, George. We've still got damage control to finish. Of course, our base has had to move again."

When the meeting breaks up, I take a step back to let Sam talk to her dad.

They chat quietly for a few moments before Jacob turns his attention to me.

"You look like you've had some problems shaving."

"Not that I'm in the habit of shaving with shattered glass …"

"Probably not a good idea."

He turns back to Sam.

"I'm hoping next time I come I can visit for a while."

"When?"

"I don't know yet, Sam. I'll have a better idea once we've cleaned up after Jelmar."

We walk Jacob down to the Gate room, and after a quick hug with his daughter, he leaves. Sam watches him go, and I instinctively get closer.

"You ok?"

She turns to look at me.

"Sure. It's not like it's the first time he's gone off like that."

"Sure."

"What're we going to tell Tesia?"

"I think we should see what Janet and Dr. MacKenzie think. I suspect they won't want her to know that Jama's on the loose with his Goa'uld intact."

"Ok. Let me know what they decide."

"Where're you going?"

"I've got a date with two young ladies and a young man."

"Two?"

"Cassie's coming in soon … in fact, she should be here any time."

"Go and enjoy yourself. Tell Cassie and the twins I'll stop by later."

"Will do. Don't work too hard …" I tease as she heads towards her lab.

The time passes quickly, and when my stomach tells me it's time to eat, I check my watch. 18.30. I call Sam.

"Sam," I say, trying to inject just the right amount of disapproval.

"Jack."

"I thought you'd be leaving on time tonight."

"I am, I just …"

"Lost track of time. It's 1830 hours and I've got three hungry kids here. I promised them pizza, and for some reason, they want you to come too."

"1830? It can't be." She pauses, and I picture her checking her watch. "But it is. Ok, let me just shut things down here, and I'll be ready to go in ten minutes."

"I expect we can wait that long," I agree.

By the time Sam's ready to leave, so is the doc., and with a bit of last-minute organisation, she, Daniel and Teal'c join us too. The kids insist on pizza and I'm not going to argue about that, so we head for my favourite place where we're soon tucking into pizza, beer and soda.

It's good. Being married to Sam means spending less time with Daniel and Teal'c. It's not something we do on purpose, it's just that we've only got so much free time, and we need to spend some of that alone together. And while I wouldn't change that for anything, it's good to get the team back together.

Daniel offers to take Teal'c and the twins back to the SGC, and the twins are happy with that, so Sam and I make our way home to a quiet evening together. By that time, I'm tired, and the headache that's been plaguing me all day is getting worse. I take the meds. the doc. gave me and go to bed with Sam in my arms.

JJJJJ

By next day, I'm feeling much better. It's amazing what a night in our bed can do for me. We go into the SGC, and I head straight for the infirmary where the doc. clears me for light duty. It'll mean I'm tied to the base for now, but since the twins are busy, at least I'll have something to do.

Around mid morning, there's an off world activation. I get to the control room to find Sam already there.

"What's up?" I ask. The gate's closed, so I'm confused.

"It was another of those activations. This one only lasted a few seconds," she explains.

"Any idea what's doing it?"

"Not yet. It could be a glitch of some sort. Or it could be an automatic dialling protocol that's gone wrong. It could even be someone trying to contact us, although I haven't found any evidence of that yet. I haven't even been able to prove that they've all got the same source, although that seems likely. I've set up extra recording equipment in the hope of finding something. I've adapted some software, and now I've just got to get as many data sets as I can into it in the hope that I can find some sort of pattern."

"But it's still not doing anything?" I check.

"Not that we can see."

"It seems … trivial."

"I know. But we can't just ignore it and hope it's harmless."

She's right. But then, she usually is.


	33. Chapter 33

I upload the data from four gate activation events, including the more complete set from this most recent one, and set the software working. It's going to take a while, so I take a look at the latest haul of things from SG-9.

I check back a while later, to find that it's recognising something. It's a low level EM signal, but using every clean-up technique at my disposal gives me absolutely nothing useful, other than the likelihood that the activations have the same source – especially when I check out activations from known destinations and show that they have no similar signal associated with them.

I report my findings to General Hammond, adding that I'll continue to monitor the situation in the hope of getting more information, then go back to my lab to try to modify a sensor to make the most of the signal I found. For now, I'm playing with a portable unit, but once I've worked out how to do it, I'll transfer the modifications to the sensors that're part of the Gate's data recording equipment. If there's one thing I learned a long time ago, it's that you don't change something that works without being pretty damn sure it won't break something else.

SSSSS

Less than a day after Jack's cleared for normal duty, we get a message, apparently from the Tok'ra, asking to meet. I'm still gathering information on the now daily gate activations, but still don't have enough information to form a useful opinion.

Tesia seems to have recovered from whatever upset her, and has even had a couple of short accompanied trips out of the mountain without incident. Janet's confused, but MacKenzie's convinced that, having survived one spell elsewhere, Tesia's rational mind is successfully fighting the fear she experienced.

I'm invited to the briefing at which the Tok'ra message is discussed. Jack's frustration is evident.

"You know, normal folks would visit. Or send us an invitation to visit them. They wouldn't just give us a gate address and nothing else!"

"I know, Colonel," I answer. "But, I suspect this didn't come from Dad, and the rest of the Tok'ra have been used to fighting alone for a long time. You can't blame them for being cautious."

"Cautious you call it? It's just plain unfriendly!"

"But the fact remains that we need to decide whether or not to accede to their wish for a meeting. The time specified is early tomorrow," General Hammond reminds us.

"I know, Sir," Jack agrees. "And much as I'd like to throw it back in their smug faces, I don't see how we've got any choice other than to go see what they want."

"I agree, Sir," I add. "So far, despite their questionable social skills, they haven't actively done us any harm."

"Can't see they've done us much good either," Jack mumbles.

"They passed on the intel. that meant we got Cal and Shanna back," I remind him.

"Well, except that. And that was your dad. I trust him. It's the rest of them I've got worries about."

"But you agree the meeting should take place?" Hammond demands.

"Yes, Sir."

"Very well. I'm of a mind to assign this to SG-1. Is there any reason I should add Captain Carter to the team for this?"

Jack and I already discussed this, and we're in agreement.

"No, Sir. I've got a lab full of artefacts that need my attention, and Dr. Lee's hit a problem with his latest project."

I don't mention the unexplained activations because there's nothing much to show yet for the work I've done already.

SG-1 comes back hot. I'm in the control room as usual, and I'm relieved when I see them all in one piece. Teal'c's carrying someone, and, as he's laid on a gurney, I can just make out who it is. Apophis? I can't wait to hear how that happened. Whatever did, he looks to be in bad shape as he's whisked off by a med. team.

Jack catches up with me a little later.

"Briefing in thirty. I think you're going to want to be there."

"Yeah," I agree. "General Hammond already asked me to attend. Apophis, huh?"

"Yeah. Demanded sanctuary. There's irony for you. If we can make him talk …"

"Yeah."

"So, how's it going?" he asks, pointing to the computer screen where I'm putting together the latest information on the activations.

"I'm getting there. Statistically combining the signals we've had so far, I'm starting to get a pattern. It's still too low to isolate any detail, but it's progress."

"You'll work it out."

"Yeah, but what if it's a warning and I work it out too late? Or …"

"Look, we've just got time for a coffee before the debriefing. Want one?"

"Sure. I need to go down to the gate room anyway. I've modified this portable sensor to pick up the signal with minimum background noise."

I pick up the sensor, and we make our way to the commissary.

We've just finished our coffee when the twins and their tutor appear. Both kids grin when they see us and run towards us for a hug.

"What're you doing?" Jack asks them, nodding towards their tutor.

"Linda said we did good work, and we could have a break," Shanna answers.

"Good," I respond. "What've you been looking at today?"

"We've been learning about different food, and Linda said we could try some new things today."

"New things? Like what?"

Shanna concentrates for a moment.

"Broccoli, bananas and beans."

"What? Are you doing it alphabetically?"

"It's one option. At least this way, they're not just getting one type of food at any time," Linda argues.

"I guess," Jack agrees. He shakes his head, and I know he's imagining that particular combination.

The initial debrief is short, and then we make our way to the infirmary where we watch Apophis from an observation area. He's attached to various monitors and drips. He's restrained too.

"Both femurs were smashed, and there was internal bleeding. Surgery and transfusions have stabilized him for now," Janet reports.

"The Goa'uld symbiote within him will repair those injuries," Teal'c concludes.

"Well, I think it's kept him alive so far, Teal'c, but take a look at his monitors."

She leans over the local terminal and calls up a scan of his head, neck and upper chest. The Goa'uld is clearly visible entwined around the cervical spine.

"See, what you're looking at is the actual symbiote attached to the host's brainstem," she explains. "Now, do you see all these lesions? I mean, there're dozens of them. I can treat the human part, but as for the symbiote itself …"

"He's been tortured," I realise. I flinch as what happened with Jolinar comes back clearly.

"Sam?" Jack's voice shows his concern.

"I - I just had a memory of Jolinar. Pain, when she was killed by the Ashrak. The Ashrak had this device. He used it on us. It was meant to cause incredible pain. Apophis was tortured by the same thing."

We watch in silence for a few moments before returning to the briefing room.

"So he's dying," Hammond summarises.

"Yes, Sir," Fraiser agrees.

"You're sure about that?"

"As sure as I can be, Sir. Considering what we know of Goa'uld physiology."

Hammond goes to sit at the table.

"Good!" Jack decides, and I can't say I completely disagree. "When?"

"Without access to a sarcophagus, the Goa'uld body will continue to deteriorate, so we're looking at days, weeks, certainly," she answers.

"This kind of torture wasn't designed to extract information, it's a method of execution," I explain. Jack's eyes are on me while I speak, and I know he wants to be closer, to comfort me, but knows I won't accept it under these circumstances.

"So, what does he really want?" he asks, finally.

"You heard him yourself. He wants sanctuary." Daniel answers.

"I'm not buying that," he disagrees.

"He gambled we would show compassion even to our worst enemy. He was right."

Jack's not convinced. "You think he orchestrated this?"

Daniel remains quiet, waiting for Jack to spell it out.

"Let me tell you something. The only compassion I showed was by not blowing his head off."

Daniel isn't convinced.  
"I have witnessed once powerful Goa'uld enter the service of their conquerors in exchange for life," Teal'c tells us. "When Apophis himself was a conqueror, it gave him great pleasure to see his enemies so weakened."

"Yeah, but we're a long way from being his conquerors," I point out.

"But we are greatly responsible for his downfall." Teal'c's almost gloating. I didn't know he knew how.

"He lost an army when you destroyed those two ships in orbit," Hammond reminds us.

"Bra'tac did say that that seriously weakened his place among the Goa'uld System Lords," I remember.  
"So his blood is in the water, and all the other sharks are having a feeding frenzy," Daniel suggests.

"And he has come here seeking refuge," finishes Teal'c.

"Well, that's tough. I say we beat whatever information we can out of old snake boy, open that Gate, and toss him back to the sharks."

"Not so fast, Colonel. He's essentially a prisoner of war. That gives him certain rights," Hammond states.

"Rights, General?"

"We also have to consider the host," I remind them. "I'm sorry, Sir, but we are dealing with two beings within one body. The symbiote may be an enemy, but the host is innocent."

"How much of the host do you think is still around after all this time?" Jack asks. "I can't help thinking that after being a Goa'uld host for that long, he'd be so crazy, dying would be mercy."

"Apophis will have that knowledge," Teal'c informs us.

"We also need to consider military intelligence. I have informed my superiors of our situation. My orders are to extract whatever information we can in the short time we may have," Hammond states.

"He will tell you nothing of use, General Hammond," Teal'c suggests.

"If he believes it's in his own interest, he might."

"We are the only thing that stands between him and whatever Goa'uld is after him on that planet," Daniel agrees.

"We need answers," Hammond concludes. He turns to Fraiser. "Let me know when he's conscious."

"I'll inform you the moment he's ready for questioning, Sir."

"Dismissed."

Jack's worried, and I know it's at least partly worry for me. "Sir?" I ask the question in a single word.

He picks up his things. "I should've shot him."

I want to show him I'm ok, that I'll cope with this, but I don't think there's anything I can say that'll convince him, so I let him walk away for now.

Despite the feelings that being involved with Apophis are bringing back to me - if only as the only person with experience of being a host – I need to be involved. I take a moment to tell General Hammond how I feel about that, and to my relief, he agrees.

SSSSS

I've still got the portable sensor in my pocket. I intended to set it up in the Gate room, but after I had coffee with Jack, we met the twins, and I lost my chance to take it to the gate room before the briefing.

I head for the gate room where I've had someone put up a bracket to mount it. We've got half an hour before the next expected activation – they're coming in around every twenty-six hours or so, and I'd hate to miss the information it'll provide.

I do one last check that it's all switched on, and notice something strange. The device is intended for off world use, and as such, it's designed to use minimum power until it's triggered. And it's been triggered. I've worked hard to come up with a sensor that's going to ignore other, more powerful signals, and it's been triggered. I can't stop myself from sighing deeply. It looks like the hours I spent modifying it have been wasted.

I head back to the lab, and download the information stored on it. I need to work out what it measured that it shouldn't, so I'll know what's gone wrong.

I look at the results, and my first reaction is that I've pulled up some historical data instead. It looks just like the signals we've had through the gate, but stronger.

Ten minutes later, there's only one possible explanation. The sensor picked up that signal on the base. I compare the time with gate data and confirm that it wasn't open at that time. I work through my day, trying to remember where I was when the signal was recorded. A moment after that, I've got my answer. I was in, or close to, the commissary.

I make my way back there with the sensor, checking the area for sources. I find nothing – not surprising really. I mean, if there was a permanent source there, surely it would've shown up somewhere before now. But that leaves me with a problem. If it's something that can be turned off or on, it could be being controlled by someone on the base. Up until now, I've assumed that any signal we're getting is coming towards us, through the gate. What if it's going both ways? That gives me another possibility for analysis, and I rush to my lab to try something else.

I'm still hard at work when I get a call, summoning me to the infirmary. I meet General Hammond just outside, and he explains what's happened.

"Dr. Fraiser has decided that our prisoner is ready for questioning. Any insight you can provide on the relationship between the Goa'uld and the host could be useful."

"Yes, Sir," I agree.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34

I don't wait for word that he's ready for questioning; I make my way to the observation room to keep an eye on what's happening. It's not that I don't trust the security detail, it's just that I really don't trust that slimy snake-head. Finally, the doc. decides that he's stable enough for questioning, and a short while later, Sam and General Hammond join me.

Apophis is conscious, and still Fraiser leans too close to him to check something out.

"Not so close, Doc," I warn.

"He's not strong enough to do anything to hurt me, Colonel."

I shrug.

"He wants to talk to you," she tells me.

I go down.

"He asked to speak to you by name."

"O'Neill, I am dying," Apophis says.

"My heart bleeds for you."

"You lie poorly. It is you who have done this. You rejoice."

"Not really. What do you want?"

"To live."

"Can't help you there. That's between you and your God. Oh wait a minute. You are your God. That's a problem."

"I am worth far more to you than you will admit."

"You tell me. What are you worth?"

"Your people, they are still primitive. You will be destroyed."

"You don't look like you're up to it."

"Not me. There is another."

"Yeah. Who?"

"There is much you would learn from me, Tau'ri." He stops; his breathing sounds harsh and painful. "But for that knowledge, there is a price…a new host."

"A host?" He can't expect that. Can he?

"So that I may live, in exchange for all the knowledge of the Goa'uld. The secrets of star travel, weapons, our power." It's obvious he can't imagine we won't give him what he wants.

"All that?" I ask.

"In time, more."

I lean over him. "Go to hell."

Apophis got that. "A single human life is worth so much you would risk a world?"

"That's right. That's why they call us the good guys."

I turn towards Fraiser, telling her, "Doc, let me know when he dies," and move towards the door.

"Sokar," Apophis offers.

"What?"

"An ancient and powerful Goa'uld. You have helped him to become strong. The last of my loyal Jaffa died stealing me from his grasp. He will not rest until I am found. That is why I chose to come here. So that in death, I can be assured that you die with me."

I walk away, moving up to the observation room where Hammond and Sam have heard everything.

"Anything to add?" the General asks.

"I think he said what he means."

"He really couldn't believe we wouldn't sacrifice someone to get the information he's offering," Sam confirms my thought.

"I don't think there's more to be done tonight. Get some rest, people," the General suggests.

"Sir, before I do," Sam says. "I need to tell you that it looks like the signal associated with the regular activations is two way."

"Two way?"

"Yes, Sir. There's a signal coming to us, but there's also a source on the base. It's not constant, or I would've found it before now. Assuming there's some sort of communication going on while the gate's active, I'm reconfiguring the sensors and my analysis to separate the two. It should be in place before the next gate activation."

"Any idea where the activations originate from?" he asks.

"No, not yet. I'll keep working on it."

"In the morning, Captain. Go home and get some sleep."

"Yes, Sir," she agrees. She looks exhausted, and I don't think I'm being much help. She looks at Apophis and sees a victim as well as a Goa'uld. I find it harder to separate the two.

When we get home, I know I'm not going to sleep easily. Fortunately, Sam's got the perfect recipe for an activity to take my mind off Apophis and the Goa'uld for a while.

JJJJJ

Next morning, Sam and I meet Daniel, coffee in hand, as we arrive.

"So, what happened with Apophis last night? I hear he had news."

"He had something to say," I agree. "But I don't want to go through it more than once. Let me check in and we'll meet in your office in … half an hour? That ok with you, Sam?"

"Sure. I just need to set something running."

"Good. Daniel, can you find Teal'c and let him know?"

"Will do," he agrees.

I tell the others the basics of what happened. Teal'c seems worried.

"Sokar is a Goa'uld of ancient times," he informs us. "He once was ruler of the system lords, but was defeated by an alliance of Goa'uld many centuries ago. Apophis and Ra were among his conquerors."

"Where did he go?" Sam asks.

"Apophis himself believed him destroyed, but, obviously, he was mistaken."

"Well, if he was almost wiped out, how bad could he be now?" I hold up a hand to stop Teal'c answering. "It's rhetorical, Teal'c."

Meanwhile, Daniel's been doing a search on his computer.

"His name's also very old in Earth mythology. He was the most feared deity in ancient Egypt, the original God of Death."

"Got anything a little more up-to-date?" I ask.

"Well, I don't know what he's been up to lately, but according to the book of the dead, there was a time he ruled all of Earth. His lands around Memphis were covered by darkness and inhabited by serpents." Daniel hits some keys and brings up a new image which Teal'c recognises.

"Unas. The first hosts of the Goa'uld."

"Well, that makes sense," Daniel decides. "I mean, if the Unas were the first ones, then there had to be a time when both forms of Goa'uld hosts co-existed. Kind of like Neanderthal …"

"Which is he?" I demand.

"I don't know," Daniel answers. "But his portion of Tuat, or the otherworld, was filled with lakes of fire, where the wicked were thrown as punishment after torture and mutilation."

"Hell," I realise, and Daniel confirms it.

"Yeah. Basically, he was the original Satan."

"Well, isn't that special?"

We're interrupted by the klaxon sounding, followed by an announcement of an incoming traveller.

"Speak of the devil," I add.

We get up to go and find out who's visiting.

General Hammond arrives in the control room as we do.

"Lieutenant Simmons?" he asks.

"There are no units currently off world, Sir."

"Close the iris."

"Yes, Sir."

A moment later, he tells us that there's an incoming audio signal.

It's Martouf.

Hammond gives the order to open the iris.

Sam and I join the security detail in the gate room.

Martouf, and two others I don't recognise, walk down the ramp a moment later. His eyes scan those waiting, pausing only when he sees my wife. I don't like Martouf. I don't like the way he looks at Sam, but she's only just civil to him, I so try to be polite.  
"Samantha."

"Martouf."

General Hammond orders the defence team to stand down.

"I offer you greetings from the High Council of the Tok'ra," Martouf greets us formally, bowing slightly.

"Why didn't my father come?" Sam asks.

"He's dealing with more urgent matters. We come only to offer you a word of warning."

"Which is?"

"We know you have Apophis as your prisoner. You must return him to the planet you retrieved him from immediately."

We adjourn to the briefing room – Sam, General Hammond, Janet, Martouf and his two companions, and me.

"Since Jacob has joined the Tok'ra," Martouf explains. "I have come to a … deeper understanding of your people, your purpose, and your extraordinary gifts."

"Thank you." It's obvious from his tone that Hammond wants him to get to the point. Well, it's obvious to me. Apparently not to Marty.

"You've shown great skill and cunning in retrieving Apophis from the hands of Sokar. However …"

"You know, as much as I love where you're going with this, we…didn't exactly do that," I point out.

"Our operatives aboard Sokar's vessel witnessed you leave the crash site and enter the Stargate."

"We received a signal, a set of coordinates. We had thought it came from you."

"We sent no such signal."

"We know that now," I admit.

"Then who?"

"We're going to assume it was Apophis."

Martouf bows his head, and the next voice we hear is Lantash. He's dismissive.  
"Why would he take refuge among the Tau'ri? He despises you. More than that, you have nothing of use to him."

"He's going down, and he wants to take us with him."

Lantash sighs deeply. "He has taken advantage of your weakness."

"We don't consider what we did a sign of weakness," Sam points out.

"Then you are fools. Turn him over to Sokar now, and he may spare you."

"I'm afraid we can't do that just yet."

"If he remains here, you will all die. If not by the hand of Sokar, then by the many Goa'uld who would wish to destroy Apophis themselves. You do not see what you have done. You've entered a battle in which you are ill-equipped to fight – tipped the balance of power among the Goa'uld, and in so doing, worsened the fortune of your entire race."

"We must know what would happen to him if we turned him over," the General insists.

"I'm certain he would be executed … eventually."

"I see."

"Surely you welcome this. His guilt is clear. He cannot be allowed to escape punishment."

"He won't. He's dying," Fraiser tells the Tok'ra.

"You are certain of this?"

"Yes. His body has begun to age at an increasing rate."

"Without a sarcophagus to rejuvenate him. Of course."

"In the short time he has remaining, we may yet learn information that could help us to defend ourselves." Hammond sounds more hopeful than I think he is.

"Why don't you comprehend the danger you are in? We cannot defend you from the Goa'uld. You cannot expect us to."

I glare at them. "We don't."

"Overconfidence was their failing, O'Neill. I hope it has not also become yours."

Martouf returns, and he laughs softly. "Forgive Lantash. He is sometimes passionate in his opinions. We cannot and would not force you to do anything, but since we have not convinced you of the danger you face, may we see him?"

We move to the infirmary, leaving the two other Tok'ra behind. Fraiser goes straight to her patient, checks him out and prepares to inject something.  
"What is that you are injecting into his body?" Martouf asks.

"Morphine sulphate," Janet answers.

Sam explains its purpose. "To ease the pain."

"Yes, you said he had been tortured."

"He's also experiencing withdrawal symptoms from the sarcophagus," the doc. informs him.

"But he is your enemy." Martouf's voice is thick with disbelief.

"He is my patient," Fraiser insists, as if that explains everything. I suppose it does, to her.

"Amonet," Apophis murmurs.

"Apophis, hear me," Martouf says.

Apophis doesn't seem to hear, calling louder. "Amonet!"

"I would speak with you," Martouf insists.

"Amonet! My love!"

Daniel's looking upset. Apophis continues. "Where are you?"

He screams, and then opens his eyes. He looks around as if he's never seen his surroundings before. When he speaks, he no longer sounds like Apophis.

"See-mu-we! See-mu-we!"

The rest of us share uncomprehending looks, but Daniel recognises it. "That's ancient Egyptian. This must be the host."

"She-rawh-tai! She-rawh-tai!" Apophis' host continues.

"Well, talk to him," I suggest to Daniel.

"I don't know what to say," Daniel admits.

Well, there's got to be a first time for everything. I glance at Sam. Her attention's on Daniel, her eyes full of compassion.

Apophis, or maybe it's the host, loses consciousness then, and we move away from the bed.

.  
"Thousands of years trapped inside your own body. It's … it's like a nightmare. It's unimaginable." Daniel says.

"He won't be conscious again for a while," the doc. tells us.

"Then we will take our leave of you," Martouf says, but he's only talking to Sam. "I will tell you the coordinates to send us."

I'm about to give my opinion of that when there's an announcement over the loudspeakers.

"Incoming traveller."

"Isn't it a bit early for your next one?" I ask Sam.

"Much too early," she agrees.  
I turn to Martouf. "Expecting someone?" I don't wait for an answer, leaving the infirmary, followed by Sam, although I hear his denial behind me.

This time, when the gate opens, there're repeated thuds on the iris.

"Sokar has found you," Martouf decides.

"How?" I demand.

"His pilots saw your kind flee with Apophis through the Chappa'ai. Symbols for the Tau'ri are well known among the Goa'uld."

The thuds continue. "That iris will hold," I say, more to convince myself than him.

"It's a trinium titanium alloy just a few microns from the event horizon. It won't allow matter to reintegrate," Sam explains to Martouf.

Teal'c appears, and we all listen to the continuing noise.  
"Something is appearing," Teal'c observes.

We look. The iris looks to be distorted, and it's definitely turning red.

I hear Sam's gasp. "How is this possible?"

She sits at a computer terminal and starts typing. Martouf looks over her shoulder. "The space between your metal barrier and the wormhole may be enough for particles of extremely high energy to reintegrate."

"Subatomic particles?" she asks.

"Yes."

"Are you saying he's firing a particle accelerator at the wormhole?"

"Captain?" General Hammond wants an explanation. So do I.

"Sir, we may be witnessing the decay of subatomic particles as they're being bombarded against the iris. Small enough to reintegrate but moving at nearly light velocity. If Sokar can modulate the particle stream enough to create an actual image …"

She doesn't get a chance to finish the thought. The redness of the iris seems to be taking on the appearance of a face, and there's sound coming through too.

"People of the Tau'ri. You have taken what is mine. For this, you will be destroyed."

The face fades.

"The iris is beginning to heat up, Sir," Simmons warns.  
"How long can they maintain this?" Hammond demands.

"The longest single Goa'uld attack against the iris was 38 minutes. We think that's the maximum a wormhole can be maintained before it collapses."

"They're just going to dial us up and do all of this all over again," Daniel warns.

"This changes things," Hammond decides. "I better get on the phone with the President."

He goes off to do that, and Sam turns to Martouf.

"Can you help us?"

"I know of no way."

"Alright," I decide. "In the meantime, Captain, why don't you see what you can get out of Apophis? He might be ready to wake up, and his neck's on the line here now, too."

I haven't made any progress, so she might as well try. And maybe it'll keep her out of Martouf's way.

If she guesses my double motive, she doesn't react. "Yes, Sir."

"I will accompany you," Teal'c offers.

I set up teams of men in heat-resistant suits to use liquid nitrogen to try to cool the iris. Watching from the control room, I can't help but wonder if it's actually making any real difference.

Hammond appears in the Gate room, and speaks to Siler, who's leading the team below.

Daniel's with me, and when Hammond joins us, I tell him what we've been discussing.  
"General, Daniel just came up with an idea that might buy us some time."  
"Sir, if we can dial out, we can prevent them from dialling in for as long as we can keep the Gate open," he suggests.

"Good thinking, Doctor. If we can keep our Gate open for the same length of time …"

"Coming up to 38 minutes, Sir," Simmons tells us.

"Stand by," I order.

"Yes, Sir."

The gate shuts down and I give the order to dial out.

The dialling process starts, but Daniel's concerned. "The only thing I'm worried about is that …"

Just then the gate activates, and Simmons interrupts whatever Daniel was going to say. "Incoming wormhole established."

"Sokar can dial in faster than we can dial out," Daniel finishes.

"Damn it."

"Sorry, Sir," Simmons apologies. "Next window is 38 minutes away."

"That may be our last chance to dial out," Daniel warns.

"It's going to get hot, Sir," I tell Hammond, unnecessarily.

Later, we meet in the briefing room. Sam explains that Apophis has been sedated again, but that he told her that he knows no way to stop Sokar's attack. It's the same as he used on Apophis.

"The temperature in the Gate room now reads 130 degrees Fahrenheit, which means the iris must be six or eight times that," Hammond summarises.

"Even if he fails to breech the Gate, he will come by ship," Martouf warns.

"Martouf is right," Sam agrees. "What we really need to be concerned with here is another assault from space. That's exactly what we're inviting by refusing to hand Apophis over."

"Well, we couldn't right now, even if we wanted to," Daniel warns.

"Not with Beelzebub banging at the door, no," I answer.

"I've informed the President of our new situation," Hammond tells us. "Our new orders are to cease all medical intervention."

"That will effectively end his life, General," Fraiser tells us.

"I'm aware of that, Doctor. The President and Joint Chiefs have decided that the risks are too great not to heed the Tok'ra's warning. Our orders are to send Apophis' body back through the Gate to the coordinates where you found him."

"Will that be sufficient to make Sokar cease his attack, Martouf?" Teal'c asks.

"Sokar is at war with Heru'ur. He wants no part of the Tau'ri for the moment, but you may have come to your senses too late. He will soon burn through your iris."

"Well, I've been working on a way to dial out faster," Sam answers. "If we can open our Gate in the next window, we should be able to send Apophis through."

"When is that?"

"Seventeen minutes."

"Colonel, make arrangements to send Apophis back through the Stargate," Hammond orders.

He's given his order, and it's up to the rest of us to carry it out. One look around the assembled group shows that most of us are uncomfortable.

I decide it's up to me to give him the news.

He opens his eyes as I call his name.

"We're sending you back."

"See-mu-we. See-mu-we," he answers. He's obviously in pain. I turn to the airman on the door and tell him to get Daniel down here.

When he arrives, Daniel leans close enough to hear what's being said, translating when he can.

"He says he's been in an unending dream. He hoped to awaken from it to see his wife and his children.

"He was a scribe in the temple of Amon at Karnak, but that was another lifetime ago, before the … before the nightmare. And now he awakens only to die again."

Daniel turns to speak to the host. Eventually, the host nods.

"I said I will speak the words of power and do the rites," Daniel tells us. "He will be returned to Egypt and buried with honour. He will pass through the seven gates and see his wife and children again and rejoice with them forever." Then he adds, "I'll be back," before rushing off.

While we're waiting, my mind goes to Sam. If her faster-dialling program doesn't work, we're quite literally cooked. My thoughts are dragged back by Apophis' voice.  
"Help me."

"No."

"A host."

"No."

"I am … afraid."

He gasps violently. Fraiser moves me out of the way.

A moment later, she tells me her conclusion.

"The Goa'uld is dead, but the host … is still alive." She sounds amazed.

Daniel returns a short while later and sets up some figures on a tray. He speaks what I assume is Egyptian, then turns towards Fraiser and me.  
"I told him this funerary statue will take his last breath and carry his soul back to Egypt."

Daniel completes the ritual, placing a statue close to his mouth as he breathes for the last time. We're just covering his head when Teal'c appears.

"Captain Carter has succeeded in creating an outgoing wormhole. Sokar cannot attack during this time."

"That's good," I answer. Better than good.

Teal'c takes a moment to see that Apophis really is dead, before covering his head again. He lifts the slight, limp body, and we make our way to the gate room.

Sam, Hammond and the Tok'ra watch as Teal'c takes the body up the ramp and sends it through the wormhole. The gate shuts down.

"What now?" Daniel asks.

"We wait," I answer.

"If Sokar wanted him alive, he'll just start up the attack again," Sam points out.

"No," Martouf disagrees. "I don't believe he will. Sokar has a sarcophagus in his possession. With it, he can revive Apophis even through death and torture him as long as he pleases."

I hadn't thought of that. I'm disturbed by that possibility, and looking around, I can see that Sam, Daniel and Hammond are too. Martouf's also looking around, but he clearly doesn't understand.  
"Surely, a fate he justly deserves," he says.

I share a glance with Sam. It's obvious to both of us that the Tok'ra really don't understand us at all. Somehow, that makes me feel better.

An hour later, it's obvious that Martouf was right. We're in the clear … for now.


	35. Chapter 35

I know Jack's relieved when Martouf leaves. He hasn't said anything, but he doesn't like him being around. And it looks like we've survived another major attack.

With the excitement over, I'm involved in ensuring that the gate system hasn't been damaged by Sokar's attack, and while I'm still checking out the basic systems, there's another of those strange activations. It's not on the previously established schedule, but then the gate's been kind of busy. It lasts just a few seconds, but the sensors I had in place before have been damaged by the attack, so I don't have any new information. I add their replacement to the other things I've got to do.

I'm ordering replacements from stores when I get a call to the infirmary. There, I'm taken to a side room where both Cal and Shanna are sobbing hard. Janet's set up drips for both of them, and Tesia's doing her best to comfort them.

"Oh, thank you," she tells Janet as the sobs fade. I go towards Cal and put a hand on his arm. Tesia's stroking Shanna, but it doesn't seem to be helping. Gradually, the two children fall into a restless sleep.

"What happened?" I ask.

"They were with their tutor, and Cal started screaming. They had to sedate Cal to get him here, but the standard dose only calmed him slightly. When they got here, he was visibly upset and Shanna was silent and unnaturally still – almost catatonic at first, and then became as distressed as Cal. Tesia says it was like their nightmares, but they never happen while they're awake." Janet tells me. Tesia's nodding her agreement to that.

Tesia's upset, wringing her hands together as a nurse tries to take her from the room.

"No, please, I want to stay with them," she pleads.

Janet's obviously reluctant. "You're upset too, and understandably so. But right now, the last thing they need is to see you upset. They'll sleep for a while now, but when they wake, they'll need us all to be calm."

"I'll be calm. Really."

"Ok for now," she finally agrees. "But I'm going to have to set up a full investigation – blood tests, scans - like I did with you."

"Yes, yes. I understand."

Janet leaves the room then, instructing one of the nurses to set up a raft of tests. When she's done that, she turns to me.

"Thanks for coming. For a while there, I didn't think the sedative was going to work – I've had to give them the maximum safe dose for their body weight, and as you can see, they're still agitated. I hoped you'd be able to help. I tried to reach the Colonel too, but he's in a meeting, and the General's given orders not to be disturbed for anything less than a planetary emergency."

"Yeah, he mentioned something about that. Can't say Jack thought it was that important. I think there was mention of budgets. But what happened to their tutor?"

"I sent Linda to get a cup of coffee. She was pretty upset, but if we go to the commissary, she might be calm enough to give us more details than she was before."

We spot the twins' tutor sitting alone in a corner. She doesn't seem to see us approach, looking up only as I pull up the chair next to her.

"Feeling better, Linda?" Janet asks.

"A little," she says. By the way she's fiddling with her coffee cup, she's still pretty upset.

"Do you feel able to tell us what happened?"

"To be honest, I don't know. We were talking about the school system – you know, what they might expect. They were fine – looking forward to it. And then, they both froze for a second. I almost thought it was some sort of seizure, but then Cal started to scream. I went to him, but I couldn't do anything for him. I … turned towards Shanna, I was going to ask her to get help, but she … she was so still. It was worse than the screaming. I ran out into the hallway and called for help. Someone … called for a med. team, and when I got back to them, Cal was hysterical, flailing about…" She's rubbing a finger over a spot just under her hairline at the front. I doubt she even knows she's doing it. Janet does. She reaches out and examines the area with a professional touch.

"Looks like you got hit," she informs us.

"Me? I …"

"It's probably not serious, although there's a little swelling. Come back to the infirmary with me and I'll check it out properly. Any other symptoms? Visual disturbances?"

"No, I'm fine. Really. I didn't even notice it until I was sitting here. How are the twins?"

"I've had to sedate them, and I've set up some tests. Right now, I've got no idea what happened."

"They have a history of nightmares," I add. "But they were awake this time. Weren't they?"

"Yes. Definitely. They … I've been meaning to ask, but … is there any chance they suffer from seizures? Sometimes, I get the feeling they're not quite there, but a second later I wonder if I've imagined it. I … thought they had one just before the screaming started."

I'm pretty sure what she's describing are the moments of internal communication, but I don't tell her that. Janet doesn't give anything away either.

"They've got no history of seizures as far as we're aware, but we'll definitely investigate that possibility," she answers. "I need to get back. I want to talk to Abby Derek, and I'm probably going to have to consult with Dr. MacKenzie."

"Do you need me to come back with you?"

"Not at the moment. Look, I promise to call you if you're needed. I know you're busy."

"Not so busy I can't spend time with them."

"I know, but while they're asleep, there's nothing you can do. Go. I'll call. I promise."

I leave Janet and Linda to go to the infirmary while I finish checking out the gate system and take the latest information to my lab where I add it to the rest, leaving the analysis to run while I check out some other projects. I'm interrupted a little later by Jack.

"Ready for lunch?" he asks.

"That time already?"

"Past it. Hammond's had me holed up in his office for hours. I thought this whole business with Sokar would've saved me, but no such luck."

"Let me just finish this … there. Done. Did you hear about the twins?"

"No, what?"

"They had a nightmare … while they were awake."

"What happened?"

I give him the details we got from Linda.

"How're they doing now?"

"Janet promised to call me if she needed me, but we can stop by the infirmary to see for ourselves."

We get there, spotting Janet finishing with another patient as we arrive.

"How are they?" I ask as she approaches.

"No change. They're still extremely restless, despite sedation. I decided to keep them that way until the tests were finished, which would be about now."

"Anything come up?"

"Not in the results I've seen so far. Abby Derek's mystified too. She's convinced that the twins would need a very specific trigger to cause such a reaction – something like seeing one of those who hurt them, revisiting a place. Dr. MacKenzie's coming in this afternoon, and he's going to want to talk to them."

"You can't let that man loose on them," Jack remonstrates.

"Look, Colonel, I know you don't like Dr. MacKenzie, and I've got to admit that his experience with children is limited, but we simply don't have another psychiatrist with suitable clearance available at short notice. If it makes you feel better, Abby offered to sit in with them. Dr. MacKenzie isn't happy about that, but he has agreed."

"Anything we can do for now?"

"Take Tesia for some lunch. She's better than she was, but she's really on edge. I'd like to keep her out of the way while they wake up."

"So who's going to be with the twins when they wake up?" I ask her.

"Me?" Janet answers. "Lieutenant Wilson's off duty."

"One of us should be there," Jack points out.

"So, I'll take Tesia for lunch and you stay," I offer. It's not that I don't want to stay, but I don't think Tesia will be comfortable with Jack. And I know from personal experience that there's no one in this world who makes you feel safer than Jack O'Neill.

It takes a while to persuade Tesia to come with me, and in the end it's Janet's opinion that she's going to make herself ill that sways the balance. We make our way to the commissary, and I have to talk her into picking up a sandwich. We sit in a corner, and she nibbles at her lunch.

She's extremely agitated, and I can't help but think it's more than just worry.

"What's up, Tesia?" I ask.

"What do you mean? They've never been like that while they're awake before."

"I know you're worried, but I think it's more than that. Do you know what triggered what happened?"

"How could I know?" She doesn't quite meet my eyes as she says that.

"Well, something similar happened to you."

She stops dead for a second before she answers.

"I had a panic attack due to being moved from somewhere I felt safe."

"You really believe that?"

"What else could it be?"

"I don't know, Tesia. I was hoping you'd tell me. I know you're upset at seeing them like that, and I can't believe you wouldn't want to do anything to make sure it won't happen again."

"You're right, Sam. I'll do anything it takes to make sure it doesn't happen again."

At that, she gets up and storms out of the room. I follow, but she makes straight for her quarters, slamming the door behind her.

I head back to the commissary, picking up a sandwich for Jack before going to the infirmary. The twins are still asleep, but judging by the level of movement, it won't be long before they wake up.

"What happened?" Jack asks. "Where's Tesia?"

"She went to her quarters. I think she knows what happened, but she's scared. I just hope she'll see sense once she's had time to think."

There's a low moan from Cal then, and we turn to him, just in time to see him open panicked blue eyes.

"It's ok, Cal. It's ok," I say softly.

"Sam?"

"Yeah, it's me."

There's a sound from behind us and both Jack and I turn to see Shanna open her eyes. Without discussion, I stay with Cal while Jack turns towards Shanna.

They're both upset and tearful for a while, but they calm gradually. Janet's hovering, keeping an eye on things, but she seems happy to leave us to it. After half an hour or so, she judges things are calm enough for her to intervene.

"So, how're you two feeling?" she asks.

Nods and sniffles are all the answers she gets.

"You're feeling better?"

More nods.

"Good. Look, we need to know what happened so we can make sure it doesn't happen again."

This time there are synchronised head-shakes.

"Cal, Shanna, do you trust us?" I ask. "Jack and me. Do you trust us?"

Nods this time.

"Good. Now we … all of us here, and your mom … we want to help you. But we can't protect you if we don't know what's wrong. What Linda described sounded like your nightmares. Have you ever had those while you were awake before?"

Head shakes.

"And you were awake?"

Nods.

"I thought you weren't having so many nightmares lately," Jack adds.

"Not for a while," Shanna agrees.

"So, any idea what caused this? Was it like your nightmares? Or was it different."

"Like the nightmares," Shanna says, after a brief pause.

"Are you sure?"

There's that silent communication for a second.

"Can you tell us anything?" I ask.

Head shakes.

"Could you tell anyone? How about Abby Derek?" Janet suggests.

There's a silent conversation between them for a moment before Shanna eventually answers, "Yes."

"Ok. She's on her way in to see you. Dr. MacKenzie will want to speak to you too, but if you like, we can leave that for now," Janet offers. "How's that?"

"Ok," Cal agrees.

"Good. Now, are you two hungry?"

There's an affirmative to that, and Janet calls someone to arrange for some food to be brought. We leave them eating and make our way just outside the room – close enough that we can see them without being overheard.

"I'll set up for Abby to see them in one of the isolation rooms. We've got one fitted for audio and video, and I can let MacKenzie listen to the feed."

"I'd like to be there too," I tell Janet.

"That'll be up to Tesia," Janet points out. "It's one thing for medical professionals to share this information, but legally, you have no rights in this matter."

"I know. We haven't been given anything specific from Abby's sessions for that reason."

"I'll ask," Janet offers. "But that's all I can do."


	36. Chapter 36

I get a call from Fraiser later in the afternoon. Tesia has refused Sam and me permission to be involved with the twins, and she's decided not to allow Abby Derek to see them again.

I immediately go to Sam's lab where I find her as furious as I am.

"She knows something," Sam insists. "She knows what happened, and she thinks that by keeping it secret, she's protecting the children."

"Why do you think that?"

"I was pretty sure she knew when we were having lunch. When she stormed off she told me that she'd do anything she could to ensure nothing like that happened again. At the time I didn't know what she was planning, but now …"

"Look, I'm going to speak to Hammond – if the Doc. doesn't get there first. If she's not capable of looking after the twins …"

"Jack, realistically, getting a judge to take Tesia's parental rights isn't going to happen quickly. Everything up till now's been looking good. Sure, she's been traumatised, but she's been getting better. She hasn't tried to hurt the children in any way."

"There's got to be something we can do."

"I don't know what," she answers.

She turns to her laptop screen. Something's running, something I wouldn't understand even if I could see the display clearly from this angle. There's some paper next to it – just a list of dates, times and some other bits.

"This about the activations?" I ask.

"Yeah – it's just a list. The real data's being analysed."

She glances at the paper, running her eyes over it. When she gets to the bottom of the sheet she seems to freeze for a second then picks up the phone, not stopping to explain.

"Janet?"

I listen to the one-sided conversation, trying to be patient.

"What time did the call for a med. team for the twins come in?" There's a pause then, and she continues. If there's one thing worse than listening to a one-sided phone call, it's one where you don't understand the side you can hear.

"Look, I'll explain later, but if I'm right, I might know what caused the problem. Sort of. Please, just check for me. Right, I see. Thanks, Janet. I'll speak to Linda and see if she can tie it down for me."

She ends that call and follows it up with one to base security where she finds that the twins' tutor has gone home. Another call gives her her cell number, and a moment later, she's talking again.

"Linda? This is Sam Carter. How're you doing?"

"Good. Look, I can't explain why, but this is important. Can you tell me exactly what time it was when the incident with the twins started this morning? I've got the time the call for a med. team was logged, but I need it more accurate than that. Ok. Are you sure? And, just so I know how that compares, what time is it on your watch now?"

"That's great, Linda. Thanks."

She puts the phone down and turns towards me.

"Want to tell me what that was all about?"

"Jack, the thing with the twins … it started during the unexplained activation. It could be a coincidence, but …"

"It could. There've been lots of those activations, and none of them caused that effect before," I point out.

"I know. I just … What if the signal I'm getting is something to do with the twins' ability to communicate silently? What if someone put images into their minds this morning that made them react as if they'd been dreaming? And what if the signal I measured within the SGC was them actually communicating … or taking information from someone else?"

"What?"

"Remember. Back when we were lost. Shanna told us that she and Cal can communicate all the time, but if she's in contact with someone, she can share things. I felt real pain just after one of their nightmares."

"There's a lot of 'what-ifs' there."

"I know. But, if I'm right … Look, I'm going to get one of these adapted sensors close to the twins – see what happens."

She picks up the phone again and explains what she's come up with to the Doc. When she hangs up, she's got news.

"Tesia's been to see General Hammond. She wants him to ensure that neither of us is allowed near the twins other than in her presence. The General's made it clear that he isn't happy about the situation, but he's agreed to have the twins moved into an isolation room for now. We're not welcome."

"So, what're you going to do?"

"I'm going to see Janet and give her a new bit of equipment."

A while later, I'm sitting with Sam and Hammond while she explains her theory to him.

"I've left the sensor with Dr. Fraiser, and she's agreed to leave it close to the twins and retrieve it later. I've finished the analysis of the data from the activations so far, and I've got a better idea of what we're looking for. We've definitely had instances of the signal traffic being one way – just coming through the gate to us, but we've had others where there was definite communication of some sort."

"What would be the point of this … communication?"

"Shanna can pick up and impart information from people when she's in contact with them. I think it requires some conscious effort, or perhaps the effort is just required to assimilate the information in some way. She's had contact with both the Colonel and me. If there was some way she could pick up and pass on our iris codes, for example …?"

"We could be in trouble," Hammond finishes.

He picks up the phone, arranging for all iris codes to be cancelled as soon as off world teams have returned, and ordering radio communication with teams before allowing them home.

"We'll assign new codes when we're sure they'll be secure," he promises. "In the meantime, you're both confined to Earth as a precaution."

"Yes, Sir," we agree.

"Now, how can you prove or disprove the theory?"

"Well, obviously I'll check the sensor later. If there's evidence of communication, that'll be another point towards the theory."

"I can't believe the twins would do that – not knowingly."

"I agree, Sir. But … I don't think the twins are the ones who've been communicating via the gate. What if Tesia's the contact and she needs to use Shanna to get the information? We don't know enough about Shanna's ability in combination with her mother to know how much conscious involvement would be needed."

"You realise, if this theory is proved, the twins will have to be removed from the SGC and from close contact with anyone with classified information."

"Yes, Sir," Sam answers. She glances at me. She'd worked that out, but it hadn't dawned on me yet.

We leave Hammond, and make our way towards the infirmary. Janet's in her office, and she waves us in.

"I retrieved this a little while ago. Cal asked me what it was for and I had to make something up."

"Thanks, Janet," Sam answers, pressing some keys.

"Well?"

"There've been several signals. I'll need to get the data to my laptop to be sure, but I'd bet they're a match."

"A match for what?"

I leave Sam to explain her theory to the doc. while I move out to the hallway. I go towards the room where the twins are – drawn there even though I know I'm not welcome and worse, that getting any closer could be a danger to Earth security.

Tesia must see me because the door opens, and she invites me inside.

"The twins would love to see you," she tells me.

"I thought we weren't welcome."

"I said I didn't want you or Sam to be with the twins without me. I know what's best for them, but your influence on them might make them want something different."

"Neither of us would do anything to hurt either of them."

"I don't want to argue, Jack. But the twins want to see you."

"Maybe later," I suggest as I walk away. There's nothing I want more than to see them, but I can't. At least until we know for sure what's happening, and we find a way to counter the effect.

It doesn't take long until Sam comes to her conclusion. The signal's identical to the ones she picked up in the SGC before, and of the same type as the ones coming through the gate. We need to set up a trap. The question is, should it be a trap for Tesia or for the person on the other end of the communication?

An hour later, we've got a decision. We meet in the briefing room – just Sam, Fraiser, Tesia and me. Hammond wanted to come, but the doc. persuaded him it'd be better without him.

"What's going on?" Tesia demands as soon as her escort brings her to the room. "My children need me."

"Lieutenant Wilson's with them," Fraiser reminds her.

"What is she to them? They've had a traumatic experience. They need their mother."

"I agree, Tesia," Sam tells her. "And that's why we had you brought here. We've got news for you. It's about Jama."

"Jama?" She looks confused.

"Your husband."

"I know who Jama is," she answers. She's doing her best to sound irritated, but it sounds more like fear.

"He escaped from the Tok'ra."

I watch her face as the news is imparted. And I'm pretty sure it's not news.

"But you knew that, didn't you?" I accuse.

"How could I have known that? When did you hear? When did he escape?"

"You know because he's been in contact with you. The Stargate's been activating regularly for a while now. At first, we couldn't see any reason for it, but then Sam found it's being used for communication. Communication direct from mind to mind. The sort of communication the children are capable of. The sort of communication you're capable of."

Her already pale complexion has turned ashen. She's shaking her head, probably trying to come up with an answer, but Sam's there, her hand on her shoulder.

"We know Jama's been communicating with you. We suspect he wants security information from us, but you can't get that direct. You need the twins, or perhaps just Shanna, to pick up the information so you can pass it to him. We think he's threatened to hurt the children, and that the incident today was his way of proving that he can do it."

She's sobbing now, almost silent, her shoulders shaking.

"Tesia, it's ok," Sam comforts.

"How can it be ok?" she demands. "How can it be ok when that monster has taken over my husband – when he can and will hurt our children?"

"That bit's not ok. I know that. But we can stop him hurting the children."

"You can?" Her anger seems to have dissipated. "How?"

"That's easy," Sam tells her. "The means of communication he's using is very affected by distance. There's no way he can reach them through the Stargate if they're even a short distance from the base – I'd guess that even going to the surface would be enough."

She looks at Sam closely, trying to see any lies.

"But … "

"I mean it. If we take the children out of the mountain, they'll be safe from him."

"That's why," she says softly.

"Why what?"

"Why he threatened he'd hurt us if we left here. He said he needed us to stay here, where we could get the information we needed, and that he'd know if we were somewhere else. That's why I was scared when the SGC was evacuated. I thought he'd know we'd gone and he'd …"

"But really, he needed you here to have any power over you at all."

"Ok, Tesia," I start. This is the hard bit, but it needs to be done. "Have you told him anything that would endanger this planet?"

"I don't think so," she answers. "Anything I've told him was what I've seen for myself – about the iris and the way you have armed men available, the fact that the base is underground."

"What about the children?"

"Jama was never good at communicating direct with them. He and I … we learned to read each other early on, and some of the research we did allowed us to improve that ability. Since … since he was taken by the Goa'uld, he's able to broadcast much more easily. I think he can pick up more too, but he finds it difficult to pick out specific people other than me. Sometimes, it seemed like he'd be … swamped by everything so that he couldn't pick up anything useful. That's why there were so few others around when you rescued us. But with Shanna, she can only really communicate with people other than her brother when she's touching them. The idea was that she'd get things from you and pass them on to me, but Jama never did understand Shanna's gift well. She can pick things out of your mind – but normally only if you're actually thinking about it. So, if she asked you about your iris code, for example, she might be able to pick it up because you'd think it even though you wouldn't say it out loud."

"So you were going to get her to co-operate?"

"I was going to try to do it without her knowing because I knew she wouldn't want to betray you, but then Jama got impatient. He scared them. He told them what they had to do, but even then, Shanna was going to tell you … that Abby woman. I had to stop her. That's why I withdrew my consent."

There's a short silence.

"We need to move the children," she suddenly realises.

"Already being done," I tell her. "By now, they should be at the Academy Hospital."

She sags in relief. "I need to go to them."

"Soon," Sam promises. "There's just one thing you might be able to do for us first."

"What?"

"Tell us where Jama is."

"I don't know."

"Can you find out?"

"I could try," she promises.

"Will he know if you try to find the information?"

"He might, but if I could give him something he thinks is useful at the same time, he might not notice."

"Ok, we can give you some bits of information that should sound good without actually giving anything away," I promise.

"The next activation's due tomorrow morning," Sam suggests. "The twins will be ok where they are for now."

"They'd be better with you or Jack."

"Maybe," she agrees. "But it'd be better for the twins if they got used to being away from us."

I know it hurts her to say that. It feels like someone stuck a knife in my gut. They're not ours, and with Tesia alive they were never going to be ours, but that wouldn't have stopped us being part of their lives … being there for them, seeing them grow up. That's not going to happen – at least not until we're no longer in possession of memories that make us a security threat. And short of total amnesia, that's never. I swallow carefully before I speak.

"Whatever else happens, the Air Force is going to have to settle you somewhere away from restricted information. They can't be around the Stargate, that's obvious. But it's more than that. We've kept knowledge of the twins' gifts quiet and we'll fight to keep it that way, but I believe that the only way to do that is to settle you somewhere a long way from here."

And that's it. I already know that we won't be allowed any further contact with the children. Sure, we could keep in touch by phone or email without an obvious risk, but that's not what's planned. It has to be a clean break, and that's as much for the sake of the twins as it is for security. Sam and me? We're just supposed to suck it up. And we will. Because it's only by agreeing to that that we can do our best to ensure the twins stay out of NID sights.


	37. Chapter 37

I keep myself busy. Because that's how I deal. The moment I realised what was going on, I knew we wouldn't be allowed to see the twins again. And one look at Jack when I explained what I'd found showed he'd joined the dots too.

We manage to persuade Tesia more easily than I expected. Once we'd assured her that we could keep the children safe, she was happy to tell us everything – she even agreed to write up a complete record of everything that was done to the twins, and Jama and her too.

We set up ready for the next activation. At her request, Tesia's going to be alone – she says it'll make it easier to concentrate – but we'll be monitoring her. We choose one of the isolation rooms close to the infirmary since that's an environment she's used to, and if anything of it gets back to Jama, he shouldn't be surprised.

The activation lasts just a couple of minutes. We watch as Tesia sits, apparently calmly, her hands in her lap. The information we've given her includes the addresses of some planets we've investigated and rejected as possible sites for an off-world base if we ever get funding for such an undertaking. They're all sites that were on the Abydos cartouche, so the Goa'uld already know about them. Tesia was told that the addresses were those for upcoming missions, and she's going to feed one or two during each activation until we can get to him.

The gate closes down, and Tesia scrambles for the notepad in front of her, writing something down.

We go to her, to find her previous demeanour of calm completely shattered. She's shaking.

"Tesia," I call as I go to her, Janet hot on my heels. She quickly checks Tesia's vitals while I put an arm around her. Jack picks up the notebook.

"This the address?"

"Part of it. I could only get that much."

"Did he know he was giving you the information?"

"I … I don't think so."

"Is he staying put or moving around?"

"I think he's staying."

"How much security?"

"I don't think there'll be much. He can't cope with being around a lot of people."

"Ok," he agrees. "Did he try to contact the twins?"

"I don't think so."

She seems calmer now, but turns to me.

"How long will this take?"

"I don't know. The sooner you get the address, the sooner we'll be able to sort something out. We'll contact the Tok'ra in the meantime, but how long it'll take them to get back to us is anyone's guess, and whether we like it or not, we're going to need them. They're still Jama's best chance to be rid of the Goa'uld. And while Jama might have minimum security, we've got to assume that the gate will be guarded. Our best chance of getting to him is by ship, and that means the Tok'ra."

She nods. "So you're going to contact them?"

"We're going to leave messages. That's about all we can do for now."

SSSSS

I rush to my lab, hoping to have a few moments to myself, but Jack's not going to let me. And then it's even less likely, as both Daniel and Teal'c appear as we round the last corner.

"So, did he swallow the bait?" Daniel asks.

I'm tempted to tell him to go, to get out and leave me in peace but I don't. He knows as well as I do that dwelling on the twins is the last thing I need to do right now.

"We'll find out soon enough next time he contacts Tesia. We think. Ideally, we would've put some sort of surveillance close to the gates on the planets we gave Tesia, but all off world travel has been cancelled until the threat is over."

"What about him? Did she get an address?"

"Part of it," Jack tells them.

"So, what's the plan?"

"We hope she gets more in the next few days. In the meantime, we try to contact the Tok'ra. If we get an address, we're not going to gate in there, that's for sure. Tesia might think he won't have much security, but I'm not willing to walk into another trap. Anyway, Jama's the Tok'ra's problem. They're still the best chance for the twins to get their dad back. So I'm going to recommend to Hammond that we leave whatever messages we can for them, and get them to send a ship."

"What about us?"

"We'll be on it."

The day's interrupted by hearing that Janet's due to interview the twins over a secure video link to see if their story matches their mother's. I'm about to go and insist on sitting in on the interview when Jack puts a hand on my arm. I can see the pain in his eyes, but he shakes his head.

"It'll be easier if it's Fraiser. She's familiar enough, but not too close."

"But I want to see them," I argue.

"So do I, Sam, but it'll be easier on them this way. Maybe even easier on us too. How're you going to feel if they get upset and ask us to go see them?"

He's making sense and I know it, but I'm not in a mood to be convinced. I pull my arm away and head for my lab.

Once I'm over the initial upset, I spend the rest of the day catching up on projects that've been put on hold with all the other things we've had to deal with lately. The two symbols Tesia got aren't enough to even give us a good guess at the address. Another two would give us a much better chance, but to be sure, we need all six. We've left messages for the Tok'ra, and come 18.30, Jack's at the door of my lab, pointing at his watch.

"Time to go home, Sam."

I nod. He's right, but I haven't been looking forward to being alone with my thoughts. Except … I won't be alone with them. Jack's hurting too.

On the drive home, neither of us says much. The truth is, I'm sorting things out in my own head. For one mad, crazy moment, I thought that Jack had been right before. We should have children of our own. And then, the harsh reality sinks in. We did have … for a while there. There was a short time when Tesia wasn't able to care for the twins and we had to. And we couldn't … not really. If one of us gave up the SGC, then maybe we could have kids. But with both of us … it wouldn't be fair to them.

I'm dreading talking to Jack later. I owe him an apology and I'm scared he's going to suggest we start a family again, and I'm going to have to hurt him all over again. Just not tonight, I hope.

We don't talk much. We go through the routine of getting something to eat, and settle to watch something on TV. He puts an arm around me as we sit, kissing my forehead.

"We'll be ok," he promises.

I manage to nod.

The following day sees us no further ahead. Tesia's not able to get any more of the address, but at least it doesn't look like Jama's worried.

It's another two days before we get two more symbols of the address, and the day after that, the Tok'ra get in touch. We explain the situation as well as we can by radio, and wait for a response from the Tok'ra High Council.

Now that there's a video link to the Academy Hospital, Tesia can at least talk to her children, and she's happier for that. They're in an apartment within the hospital grounds that is normally available for patients' families, and Lieutenant Wilson and Linda are sharing the duty of looking after them.

My dad arrives at the SGC scant hours after we get the complete gate address. I manage to keep my welcome of him within the bounds of decorum while I really want to run into his arms and stay there. It's not that Jack hasn't been there for me … he has. And if hugs could have made me feel better, then I'd be fine by now. It's just that I want to be a little girl again, complete with the belief that my dad can do anything.

Once in the briefing room, we take our places around the table. There's Daniel and Teal'c as well as Dad, General Hammond, Jack and me. We explain the situation to Dad – repeating much from our message, but not giving the address.

"So, where is this planet?" Dad demands when we've finished everything else.

"Do we get to come along?" Jack demands.

"Jack, that'll depend on the details. To be honest, depending on what we already know about this planet, there might or might not be a mission. So, are you going to tell?"

There was never any chance that we weren't going to tell him, but I know Jack was making a point. We pass over the address.

"And you've made no attempt to find anything out about this planet for yourselves?"

"None," I agree. "Even sending a MALP might've alerted him to the fact that we know something."

"Good." Dad ducks his head, and Selmak speaks.

"The planet is in Heru'ur's domain, but uninhabited. Its civilisation was destroyed because of some perceived treachery, and little remains beyond some buildings. In fact, when the Tok'ra last investigated, the environment was still significantly toxic."

"How long ago was that?"

"Several hundred years. I suspect that the environment would still be toxic to unblended humans, although with a symbiote and some level of artificial protection, it may be that Jama could remain there, undetected."

"So, what's the plan?"

It's Dad's voice that answers. "I hate to say it, Jack, but I think this should be a Tok'ra-only mission."

"We have protective clothing available," I remind him, more hopeful than logic says I should be.

"Protective clothing that significantly reduces your mobility and visibility. Let me set something up. I promise to keep you informed."

"I hate to admit it, Jack, but I've got to agree," General Hammond decides. "HazMat suits would put you at a disadvantage if it comes to a fight."

"If a blended human can visit the planet with impunity, it should also be possible for me," Teal'c points out.

I see the tension ebb from Jack. He was never going to be happy about being left out of this mission, but if Teal'c's along, we should at least get a full report.

"Well, how about it, Jacob?" Jack demands.

"I'll have to discuss that with the Council. Teal'c, you know I personally have no problem with taking you, but the other members of the Tok'ra team might. Regardless of your recent actions, most Tok'ra see the Jaffa as tools of the Goa'uld."

"I understand, and am still willing to go."

The meeting breaks up a short while later. Dad heads back to organise a ship and a team, promising to be in touch as soon as he knows what's happening.

The next day is tense. Tesia's getting more and more irritated at having to be at the base while the twins are elsewhere, insisting that she could be with her children most of the time, returning to the SGC only for the expected activations. And if we could be sure that Jama would stick to the rough schedule he's been on, then that might be ok, but it's too big a risk to take.

The message arrives that night, requesting that Teal'c gate to an address that's apparently the closest to Jama's location. Jack, being Jack, insists that the rest of SG-1 accompany Teal'c as far as they can, and while I'd like to go too, there's no easy way to justify that.

While they're gone, our decision not to allow Tesia to be with her children is justified when we get one of Jama's activations around six hours earlier than we'd expected. When it's over, Tesia seems flustered.

"What happened?" I ask when I'm called to see her.

"He expected some new information, and I didn't have anything ready," she tells me. She's verging on panic, and that's the last thing we need.

"Surely he can't expect something every time he contacts you," I try to reason. "What did you tell him?"

"That you and Jack had been off world and the twins hadn't seen you."

"That's good. How did he react to that?"

"He's … impatient. I think someone else is expecting more from him. He threatened to contact the twins direct next time."

"Ok. Look, we'll get you something else for next time. And when Jack gets back, we should have a better idea of how much longer it's going to be. From what we've got, it'll take the rest of today to get to Jama, and then we'll have to wait for Teal'c to report – probably another day – unless he can gate back direct."

"Two more days?"

"That's all it should be," I promise, hoping it's a promise I can keep.

Jack and Daniel return about an hour after they left. Jack's on edge, and heads off quickly to avoid talking, making Daniel a better source of information.

"What happened?" I demand.

"Pretty much what we expected. Teal'c didn't get a very warm welcome from the others. It's just as well Selmak's important among the Tok'ra, or I doubt he'd be on the mission at all."

"What about Jack? Was there anything …"

"Nothing specific. He's mad on Teal'c's behalf, but that's all."

"Is it?"

"Well, apart from what you already know. He's taking it hard – not being able to see the twins again."

"And I'm not?"

"No, Sam, no. That's not what I meant. I know it's hard for you too. The difference is you can talk about it – to me at least. Jack … won't. Unless he's spoken to you?"

"Not really. We just sort of … acknowledge that this is how it has to be and that neither of us likes it much."

There's a pause then. Daniel's looking at me expectantly, and I'm not sure if I should say any more. And then, it's just good to be able to talk, and so I do.

"It's just … after I miscarried, I decided I didn't want to try again. I was too scared of going through all that again. Now, most of the hurt is … not gone … but I know that losing the baby on top of having Jolinar in my head is kind of a special case. And there's no reason to think I'd miscarry again. So … I'd be willing to try except that having the twins around made me see that there's no way we could have kids – not with the jobs we do. Maybe we'd be ok if one of us worked somewhere else, but we're both needed where we are. I'm not saying either of us is indispensible, but …"

"Well, you kind of are. Both of you. SG-1 works, and that's because of Jack. I don't think anyone else could pull an archaeologist and a Jaffa together and make a team. Of course, it was better when you were on the team too, but you're still there when we need you, and you're here when you're needed here."

"So, you understand what I'm saying?"

"Sam, I grew up without a mom and dad. I wouldn't wish that on anyone, and that's always a risk doing this job. And then, there're the hours. How often don't you get home for days at a time?"

"Too often," I agree.

"So, have you talked to Jack about this?"

"Not recently. He knows I don't want to be pregnant, but he doesn't know it's because of the job rather than the fear."

"You should tell him. Because there's always a chance that we'll beat the Goa'uld. And when we do …"

"We could have a more normal life."

"Tell him, Sam. I think he needs some hope now – even if it seems a long way in the future."

"I'll try," I agree.


	38. Chapter 38

The more I have to do with the Tok'ra, the more I wish we'd never heard of them. The three Jacob brought along for this mission make it quite clear that they think it's beneath them to have a Jaffa involved, and I can see the tension in Teal'c's shoulders as he soaks up the implied insults. I know how he feels … wish I could rearrange their sneering faces … but I still have to remind him to keep calm – at least until the mission's over.

"It will not be easy, O'Neill," he says, softly, looking over my shoulder towards the source of his irritation.

"I know, Buddy. But you know I need you along. Can't trust we'll get an accurate report otherwise."

"I will ensure that you are informed of all that transpires," he promises, bowing his head.

"Thanks."

Moments later, the ship Jacob got for the mission takes off, and Daniel and I gate home. Sam's in the control room as usual when we get back, and she smiles in my direction. I acknowledge her, but I'm not sure I can face her just now. Anyway, that pile of memos on my desk seems to grow by the hour, so I head there once I've finished with post-mission protocol.

Knowing that the twins aren't on the base any more … that I won't see them again … it feels like there's this big, empty space. Not for the first time, I consider resigning my commission. It just seems like the Air Force has cost me too much … too much of Charlie's short life and now the twins too. But then, if it hadn't been for the Air Force, I wouldn't have Sam. So I can't wish it hadn't been part of my life. And then there's Cassie. Not mine, but at least I get to see her grow up.

I work my way through the pile of paperwork, trying not to dwell on the twins. Sam and I haven't talked much about them since we realised what would happen, but I guess we need to. I want to be there for her … to support her … but I'm not sure I can.

We don't discuss it, but we end up staying on the base overnight. Sam wants to be there in case Tesia needs her, and I just want to hear from Teal'c that Jama's back where the snake in his head can't hurt the twins any more. Not that I expect anything until tomorrow.

There's no sign of Sam in the commissary next morning, but Daniel's there.

"Jack," he starts as he sits down. It's that tone that makes for future indigestion.

"Daniel," I answer in kind.

"Have you spoken to Sam lately?"

"Yes, Daniel. I have spoken to my wife."

"I mean have you talked to her?"

"I thought I just said …"

"Jack, don't be dense. You're upset that the twins have gone. Sam's upset too. You need …"

"We'll deal with it fine on our own."

"Not while you're both staying on the base," Daniel disagrees. "I know you two. You won't talk about what's important here. You need to be at home … somewhere away from here."

"We'll go home, Daniel. Just as soon as we know the twins are safe."

He sighs deeply, and picks up his coffee mug.

The worst of it is that I know he's right. I don't want to talk about it, but Sam needs to. I need to. We're both due some leave. Maybe a few days at the cabin would help. I'm just wondering how to suggest that when there's an off world activation. I rush to the control room only to find Sam there already, and Teal'c walking down the ramp. Being Teal'c, his expression's giving nothing away, so I go down to him as he hands his weapons to the waiting airman.

"So?"

"The mission went as planned. Resistance was minimal. It seemed they believed that the atmosphere on the planet was sufficient to ensure their safety."

"So, is Jama back with the Tok'ra?" Sam demands.

"I regret to inform you that the Goa'uld within Jama was damaged in the attempt to take him. Both Goa'uld and host are dead."

Maybe for the best. I don't think I could live with myself if I had to witness my hands hurting people I love.

"Ok, Teal'c," I tell him. "Hammond wants a debrief as soon as you're available."

"I will be ready shortly," he promises.

The debrief is short. Teal'c's not convinced that the injury to Jama's symbiote was accidental. He was hit by one of the Tok'ra and the symbiote fatally injured. There was the usual Goa'uld posturing, and both host and symbiote died. Teal'c wanted to bring the body back to Earth, but he was outvoted. Jacob promised to make sure Jama's body was treated with the same respect accorded the Tok'ra's own human hosts, and that was that.

"If you send Tesia up, I'll inform her," General Hammond suggests.

"Sir," Sam disagrees. "I think it'd be better coming from Janet or me."

"If you think so," he agrees. "I assume she'll want to be with the children as soon as possible, so I'll arrange for her to be taken to the Academy Hospital this afternoon. From there, transport will be arranged to take them to their new home. Tesia has already signed a non-disclosure agreement, and agreed to ensure that the children do the same as soon as they're legally able to. However, I believe that their future safety rests off world, away from the NID, although as yet, there are no obvious candidates for us to ask."

"And that's it," I finish.

"For them? No, it's just the beginning."

"Yes, Sir," I answer.

"Dismissed."

"Thank you, Sir," Sam tells him. "I'll go and speak to Janet now."

The others leave the office, but I stay behind.

"Something on your mind, Colonel?"

"Yes, Sir. You know Sam and I've both got leave due. I'd like … I think it'd be good if we could go to the cabin for a few days."

"Have you discussed this with Captain Carter?"

"Not yet, Sir. I wanted to find out if we'd be able to take some leave first."

"Is a week long enough?"

"Yes, Sir."

"For what it's worth, I think a break would do both of you a world of good."

"I hope so."

At home that night, Sam's first reaction to the suggestion that we take a break is that she's got too much work to even think about it.

"Hammond said he could spare us," I tell her.

"You talked to him first?"

"Didn't seem much point thinking about it if we couldn't get leave," I say. Quite reasonably, I think.

She sighs deeply. "We do need some time away. It's been hard … these past few weeks."

"It has. So, day after tomorrow? I'll book some flights. Don't feel like driving. Do you?"

"Flying's good," she agrees.

It takes two days and a bottle of wine before Sam lets me in. Or I let her in. Not sure which. She's crying because she's missing the twins, and I'm holding her tight. At last, the tears stop.

"Some day, Jack."

"Some day what?"

"Some day, when we've beaten the Goa'uld, we'll have kids of our own."

"I thought …" I'm confused.

"I know. After Jolinar, I didn't think I could do it … be pregnant again. Now … I guess I could. But … having the twins around … we weren't there for them as much as they needed. And they're eleven and they still had a mom. How could we deal with a baby? Unless one of us leaves the SGC …"

"I could," I offer.

"No, Jack. You couldn't."

"Sure I could. Grizzled Colonels with bad knees are a dime a dozen. They need you."

"That's just it, Jack. They need both of us. Anyway, would you want to have kids only to risk having them taken as Goa'uld hosts? We need to get rid of the threat first. Don't we?"

Despite my initial reaction, I know she's right. And despite my disappointment that it's not going to happen soon, it feels right.

"So, kids … later."

"Yes, Jack."

"And we can practise in the meantime?"

"Definitely."

"Ok. Just gives us more incentive to kick their snaky asses. Now, you said something about practising?"

"Not sure you need much practice," Sam tells me as we break from a kiss.

"Well, practice makes perfect …" I answer, taking her hand and leading her to the bedroom.


	39. Chapter 39

We've made a decision, and we're in agreement. It was easier than I thought it'd be, and I'm grateful for that. But it doesn't make it easier now. The week away helped. Jack and I had time to talk, to be there for each other. There weren't any tears after that first time. It was as if, once they'd been shed, I could put that part of my life behind me, and I was able to look forward. And sure, we've got a long way to go, but we've already beaten the odds more than once. Who's to say we won't continue to?

Back to the SGC at the end of our vacation – an SGC without Tesia or the twins. The break made the other change easier to take, and we were no sooner back than SG-1 and I were off on a mission to track a UAV that crashed unexpectedly. That led to us meeting a strange group of people who live in some sort of symbiotic relationship with the oddest looking plants I've ever seen. It was a mission to fulfil Daniel's wildest dreams until the natives started keeling over, and then while we were trying to work out what happened, it looked for a while as if Daniel and Jack had been affected too. We eventually found that the UAV had temporarily destroyed the environment by damaging a plant, and we were able to find a way to rectify the damage. The only lasting injury to us was a bad cut on my hand.

The following week we were warned of another threat to the planet – this time in the form of some aliens who don't even exist in the same space as us. The warning came from a boy, and so soon after Cal and Shanna, it was hard to deal with – especially when he asked if he could be called Charlie. With help from the Tok'ra, we managed to repel an initial attack, and we've put measures into place to ensure that the SGC is secure against further infiltration by the Retu. Charlie, it turns out, having been made by his Retu mother, was dying, and his only hope was to be a Tok'ra host. Despite his misgivings, Jack was persuaded that it was for the best, but it was painful when my dad took the boy up the ramp and out of our lives.

The weekend after Charlie leaves is hard. Just as we were getting used to the twins not being around and replacing their presence with the hope of our own children in the future. Charlie opened the barely scabbed-over wounds, and I know from how quiet Jack's been that he's hurting again. And yet another threat to wipe out the human race doesn't help to keep hope alive. I wish there was something … some way we could know that our hopes will one day be more than that.

Monday morning dawns, and we get into the SGC early since SG-1 has a mission scheduled. I'm not due to go with them, but I'm still needed in the control room. Because of the proximity to the sun of the line of travel between Earth and the destination, I have to update the computer's drift calculation to include gravitational space/time warping. As I'm checking the details, General Hammond comes into the control room, and his eyes seem to look at my injured hand for a few minutes before he speaks.

"Captain, I want you to accompany SG-1 on this mission. I know it's short notice, but you've got half an hour to get yourself geared up and ready. I'll inform Colonel O'Neill."

"What's changed, Sir?" I ask.

"Nothing that I'm aware of," he answers. "I just feel that with the special calculations you need to make, it would be prudent for you to accompany the team."

"With respect, Sir, I think I'll be in a better position to react to any problems from here."

"And I disagree," he says, rather more curtly than his usual manner.

Good officer that I am, I head off to gear up.

The team's in the gate room, and I detour to the control room to make sure everything's set before we depart. The General's there, and he gives me a bit of paper, telling me to put it into my vest pocket, but not explaining it further. It's soon forgotten as I go down to join the others. Jack's as surprised as I am that I'm going along, but he just shrugs his shoulders.

It's soon obvious that there's something very odd going on. We walk through the gate to emerge back in the Gate room. As the wormhole disengages, the Stargate itself disappears, everything seems to blur a little, and then, following Daniel's direction, we look up to see a rocket engine.

"Carter, where are we?" Jack asks.

We all look around, confused.

"I don't know, Sir. For a minute there, we were back in the Gate room."

Jack moves across the room, looking around as he goes.  
"You know, this looks suspiciously like the butt end of a Titan missile," he decides.

Anything further is interrupted by the PA system.  
"Standing by for test burn in T-minus twenty seconds."

Jack's previously studied calm disappears at that.  
"What is a 'test burn'?" Teal'c asks.

"Just what it sounds like."

We all move away from the centre of the room – as far as we can get from the rocket engines.  
"Any ideas here?" Jack asks.

It's obvious he wasn't expecting anything, as he tries the closest door. When it proves locked, he starts to bang on it, yelling, "Abort!"

While he's doing that, Daniel runs to check another door, while I check out the electrical system to see if there's anything there that'll help us.

Our efforts are interrupted a little later by the PA system. "15 seconds."

My first attempts to find some way out of our predicament have failed, so I try something else.

"Stand by for ignition."

I run towards Jack who's trying to do something to a control box.

"10…9…8…7…6…5…"

We flatten ourselves against the wall in what we know is a desperate attempt to get whatever protection we can.

"4…3…2...1… Ignition."

And then there's nothing. The expected roar of the engines and searing heat don't happen. Jack and I turn back around to see an equally bemused-looking Daniel. Teal'c's standing with his zat in his hand.

Putting two and two together, we assume that the reason we're not being cooked is in front of us.

"How'd you know that would work?" Jack asks.

"I did not."

Moments later, we're surrounded by armed soldiers, demanding that we kneel with our hands on our heads.

Jack and I share a look. Whatever's going on, this definitely wasn't on the mission plan.

What follows has such a surreal air that I have to pinch myself to ensure that I'm not dreaming. Despite the changes, I'm pretty sure that we're in the Gate room at the SGC. I manage to whisper that to Jack as one of our captors demands to know how we got here.

We're taken to a holding room, but not before Jack irritates our captors enough to get a rifle butt in the face. I love the man, but sometimes I wish he'd work out when to keep quiet.

We're stripped of our gear and weapons, then left for a while. Taking note of everything I've seen, I'm drawn to the most likely conclusion. As soon as we're alone, I share my thoughts.

"I'm fairly certain that we've travelled back in time, roughly about thirty years."  
Jack looks at me as if he's not quite sure that I'm serious. I carry on regardless.  
"For a second or two, I think we were in both time-frames simultaneously, which is why the Stargate seemed to be there one minute and was gone the next."

"Little bump in the calculations, Carter?"

"I don't understand it," I admit.

"Get us back home and we'll say it never happened," he offers.

"Or get us back before we left and it won't happen," Daniel suggests.

I glare at him, but he continues anyway. "Well, think about it. We're the first people in human history to go back in time, well, for all we know. If we could figure out how to do this again, just think of what we could do. We could actually visit Babylon, we could … we could … we could see the Great Wall of China being built."

"Or prevent regrettable events from your history from ever occurring," Teal'c adds.

I've got to stop this. None of them realise how serious this is.  
"No! That's exactly what we can't do."

"Why not?" Jack asks.

"Because of the grandfather paradox."  
That doesn't have the effect I expect. He looks blankly at me.  
"If you went back fifty years and murdered your own grandfather, your own father would never have been born."

"So you're saying that if we change our own past …" Daniel catches on.

"We could change our world in ways that we can't possibly imagine. We might even cease to exist, along with everything and everyone we know," I finish.  
"I myself have no part in the history of your world," Teal'c points out.

"But, when they find out about the Goa'uld threat, they might have second thoughts about opening the Stargate in the first place. In which case, we never meet…and you're back to being First Prime of Apophis."

"I see."

"So … we don't tell them about the Goa'uld," Daniel suggests.

"How do we explain the larval Goa'uld that Teal'c is carrying? Our advanced weapons, our GDO's?" I ask.

"But Carter, haven't we altered history already just by being here?"

"Yes, but we have to concentrate on damage control. At the very least, destroy our advanced weapons and technology."

"That's going to be a little tough," he points out.

"We also cannot tell anyone anything about who we are or where we're from."

"This is a top secret facility. Anonymity does not go over big here."

"We cannot tell them we're from the future, Sir. Even if it means …"

We're interrupted by three soldiers who come into the cell. One of them asks something in Russian, to which Daniel answers, "Nyet."

Jack gives him a withering look. "Daniel?"

"He just asked if we were Soviet spies. I just …" He realises what he's done.

The soldier who asked the question in Russian turns towards Jack.

"Come with me."

"Sure. You bet."  
He walks out of the cell muttering under his breath.


	40. Chapter 40

When Sam told me she wanted to have kids with me, it made a difference. Yes, she's enough. If we never had kids of our own, I'd still be the luckiest guy in the world just because she's mine. But … I know … maybe more than she does … that kids just make everything better. For a while, the twins were filling the void. But then they were gone. And the hope for the future took some of the pain – right up until we went back to work and the reality hit me. Kids when we've beaten the Goa'uld? Who're we kidding? The chances of both of us living that long … But I pull myself together and don't show her how I'm feeling. I need something more tangible than that. Something … I can focus on. So for now, I focus on the job.

We deal with yet another group of aliens who want to destroy us, and thanks to the Tok'ra, we can at least mount some sort of defence. The news of these aliens is brought to us by a child – a child who wants to be known as Charlie. He was made by a Retu for the sole purpose of warning us that others of their kind want to destroy us. The Retu themselves are not remotely human; don't even exist in the same space we do. The boy looked perfect. Inside, they took too many short cuts and he was dying. His only chance to live was to go to the Tok'ra, even though he begged to stay with Sam and me. It broke our hearts again to see him go, but at least he went with Sam's dad so he might get more warmth than you'd expect from the Tok'ra. But still, it's hard to lose him – especially after everything else that's happened. It just makes it harder to believe that Sam and I'll ever have a family of our own.

Then, just to make sure we don't get too comfortable with things, we find ourselves thrown thirty years into the past. At least, that's what Sam thinks. From what I can see, she could well be right. Problem is, we turned up in the SGC Gate room while it was still being used as a missile silo at the height of the cold war. Sam's adamant that we need to destroy all evidence that we're from the future, and as of now, I can't think of a single way out of this.

I'm taken for interrogation and I do my best to bluff. I suspect all I do is antagonise the man.

We're shipped out – apparently so the CIA can interrogate us. We're in the back of a van and handcuffed. I'm trying to come up with a plan, but really, beyond escaping and lying low, there's not much I can think of. Then Teal'c reminds us that, in time, he'll be taken over by his symbiote when it matures, so I'm left with the possibility of having to kill him before that happens.

That thought is banished by hearing one of the van tyres blowing out. The van stops, and a moment later, a lieutenant opens the door and comes into the back of the van, gun in hand.

"Flat tyre?" I ask.

"I'm the one who arranged it," the Lieutenant admits.

That's about the only thing he could have said that would shut me up.

"Before I can even think of doing what's asked of me in the note, I need to know who you are and who gave it to you," he continues.

Sam's looking carefully at the man, and then I see her expression change to something like understanding.  
"Oh, my God," she mutters. "My name is Samantha Carter, and…you gave me the note, Sir."

I'm puzzled for a moment – not least by the fact that she just called a Lieutenant 'Sir'. And then I catch the name on the badge he's wearing, and I turn towards Sam, who explains.  
"Sir, before we left, General Hammond gave me a note and told me to keep it in my vest pocket until I got to the other side."

"It's addressed to me. In my handwriting," Lieutenant Hammond adds.

"What's it say?" I ask.

"'Help them.' And seeing as helping you will undoubtedly lead to court-martial, I'd like to know why I would do that."

"Because it's your idea," Sam tells him.

"Albeit one you won't have for thirty years," I add.

Hammond looks confused.  
"What?"

"I know this is kind of hard to understand, but…that's roughly how far back in time we've travelled."

He looks at us for a moment, then turns to walk away.

"I'm sorry. I can't help you."

"Wait, wait!" Daniel demands.

Hammond turns back.

"We can … we can prove it."

"The date," I ask. "What's the date?"  
"August 4th."  
I continue to watch him as I wait for the most important part of the date.

"1969."

"'69 …" I mutter, mind already working on what to tell him.  
"What happened in '69?"

"The … the moon landing," Daniel suggests.  
"That was just a couple of weeks ago, right?" he adds to Hammond.

"The entire world knows that," Hammond argues.

"But not too many people know you watched it from your father's bedside in his hospital room…just two days after his first heart attack," I add.

That got him. "How did you know?"

"Because we know you. We will know you. For some reason, thirty years from now, you decided we were going to need help. Otherwise, you wouldn't be standing there with a note. Now're you going to listen to yourself, or not?"

I can see the thought process working its way through his mind before he reaches into his pocket and extracts a set of keys which he uses to unlock my handcuffs.

"There are two other men, including the driver."

"Thank you, thank you," I tell him.

He turns towards Sam and starts to unlock her cuffs, brushing her injured hand as he does so. It was a bad cut and it's still very tender although much better than it was.  
"Ow," Sam flinches slightly.

"I'm sorry, miss. Did I hurt you?" Hammond asks.

"It's 'Captain'," she corrects before giving him one of her smiles and adding, "And it's alright, Lieutenant. Em, may I see the note?"

He takes the note from his pocket and Sam looks at it while I free the other two.

"Look, we don't want to hurt anybody, but we are going to have to knock those guys out somehow," I point out.

Hammond holds up the zat. "Will this do?"

I check the zat over, relieved to find that it doesn't seem to have been tampered with. "Alright, call for help," I tell him.

He hesitates, so I have to explain, but before I can, Teal'c does.  
"The dangerous foreign agents you now guard have inexplicably freed themselves."

Hammond nods and gets to his feet, opening the van doors and jumping down, his gun in his hand.

"Help!" Hammond shouts.

He's quickly joined by one and then the other of the men, so I zat each in turn.

"Where's the rest of our gear?" I ask Hammond. He reacts slowly, distracted by what he's just seen.

"Uh, the Major ordered it shipped in a separate truck for security reasons. They should be right behind."

"Alright, good. Get down on the ground. Go," I order him.

He does as he's told while the rest of us hide in the trees by the side of the road. We don't have long to wait for the second van which stops as soon as it sees the three men on the ground.

While the newcomers are checking out the others, I zat each of them before moving to the back of the new truck. Hammond follows. There, under a tarpaulin are two locked metal boxes. I use the zat to open one and find our gear. I take the GDO and pass it to Sam, then I pick up a second zat before closing the lid again.  
"All right, everything you confiscated from us is in these two boxes?" I ask Hammond.

"Except for your ray gun, yes," he confirms.

"Right."

I arrange the boxes to make the next step as quick as possible, then aim the zat.

Three shots and the whole lot's gone. Useful things, zats.

"All right, your Major What's-His-Name had videotape of this thing in action," I remember.

"Uh, yes. It was in those boxes along with everything else," Hammond tells us.

"Good. Got any cash?"

I close the zat, aware that asking for money with a primed zat might give the wrong impression.

Hammond goes straight to his pocket and finds some bills. "Uh, yeah, I might have some."

"That's good," I tell him, snatching it and putting it into my own pocket.

"I'll pay you back, with interest," I promise.

We're set.

"One more thing," Sam tells him. "You have to keep everything you've seen and everything we've told you a secret, and I mean for the rest of your life."

He seems to understand.  
"'General Hammond.' I like the sound of that," he mutters. "What are you going to do now?"

I turn my back and ready the zat. "Well, you're better off not knowing. But I do want you to know that what I'm about to do keeps you from getting court-martialed."

I turn and zat him. I'm surprised how guilty that makes me feel.

We head off cross country until we hit the interstate where we eventually manage to hitch a ride in a VW camper with a couple of kids – Jenny and Michael. Not sure I was ever that young.

We work out some sort of a plan while we're waiting. It's not much of a plan as Daniel points out, but we can fill in the detail as we go along. It pretty much amounts to 'find the Stargate'.

Daniel thinks Catherine Langford would be the best lead on that front, and despite Sam's concerns, plans to go and see her disguised as a German. That means heading towards New York, so that's where we go. Fortunately, it's the way Jenny and Michael are going too.

We manage to pick up some cheap clothes, and once we've shed the military gear, it's easier to believe we might get away with what we're planning.

We're sitting round a campfire a couple of days later – just us. Jenny and Michael are around somewhere, but it's a chance to chat among ourselves. Not that there's much to say. We're trying to find the gate, but once we've got it, we don't know how to use it to get back. I know Sam's been thinking about it, trying to come up with something and getting frustrated that she hasn't worked it out yet. Of course, one of the problems of sharing a camper van with four other people is that we don't get any privacy. Seeing her every day, out of uniform, makes it hard to stick to our self-imposed rules about keeping things professional between us.

We're all watching the flames in front of us when there's a sudden gust of wind.

"A flare," Sam says.

We all look at her.

"What?"

"That's the only explanation. We had to have been sent back because of a solar flare."

"Was there not an error in your calculations?" Teal'c asks.

I know that's one thing that's been worrying her – that she was responsible in some way.

"I don't think so, Teal'c. But after the Abydos mission, when we couldn't figure out a way to make the Gate work again, I was asked to research alternative applications for the Gate. Including time travel."

"What'd you come up with?" I ask.

"Well, just this, …" she starts, putting down her meal and picking up a stick to draw on the ground.

"What if a massive solar flare just happened to occur at the exact moment that we were travelling between Earth and another Stargate? If the wormhole itself was redirected closer to the sun because of the Earth's magnetic field, the increased gravity could slingshot us back to Earth."

"Why haven't we tried this before?" Daniel asks.

"Because flares are impossible to predict. Light takes several minutes to travel between the Earth and the sun, so by the time a flare of sufficient magnitude has been confirmed, it's already too late."

"Okay, if they're impossible to predict, how do we get ourselves home?"

"August 10th, 9:15 A.M. It's in the note."

"The time and date of the next flare?" I ask.

"Yeah. General Hammond must have used my own research to figure out what we needed."

"Or maybe that's the reason he asked you to do the research in the first place," Daniel suggests.

"And then he looked up two flares in August of 1969 that could send us home."

I lift the mug of soup in my hand to toast my CO. "General Hammond, you old son of a …"

Jenny and Michael approach. I didn't hear them coming, so maybe they've been listening all along.

"Hello," I start, searching their faces for a sign they heard something. "Soup?"

"Who are you guys?" Michael demands.

"Come on. Have something to eat," I offer.

"I mean, travelling between the Earth and where? What's that about?"

"When I said that, I was just imagining, …" Sam starts, but Michael doesn't let her finish.

"Oh, I don't think so, man."

"You said that you were in trouble with the establishment," Jenny accuses.

"And, we are."

Daniel adds his agreement.  
"Just not the establishment of this planet," I tell them.

Sam gives me a disapproving look, but what choice do we have?

"No, it's true, Michael. We came to Earth to hide among your people, a long, long time ago."

"From a galaxy far, far away," Daniel adds. O'Neill and Jackson. What a double act.

"But now it's time to go home, and we need your help," I finish.

"How?" Jenny asks. That's good.

"We need to be in a place called New York by tomorrow," Daniel states.

"I don't know, man." Michael doesn't sound convinced.

I glance back at Sam. The look she gives me confirms that, having gone this far, I might as well finish it.

"It's all right," I say, trying to reassure them.

I take a zat, open it, and aim at the campfire. It blazes up for a few seconds before dying down again.

"Whoa! That was unreal!" Michael sounds impressed. Good. I wasn't going for 'scared'.

"It is in fact extremely real. As is our need for assistance," Teal'c informs them.

"We have to help them get home, Michael," Jenny insists.

"Okay. We'll do it," Michael agrees.

Well, we've got our ride.


	41. Chapter 41

If it wasn't for the fact that we're needed back in our own time, and the potential disaster that Teal'c's symbiote maturing would bring, living in 1969 would be fun. I like Jenny and Michael. They welcome us into their lives in a way I find it hard to imagine happening in our own time. Of course, when they overhear things we didn't intend them to know, we stand a real chance of losing their trust.

Luckily, we don't. Jack and Daniel spin them a tale, and they agree to help us.

We need to find out where the Stargate is, and we need to make sure that the times and dates General Hammond gave me really do refer to solar flares. As a result, Daniel needs to go and meet with Catherine Langford (in disguise), and someone needs to find an observatory where we can confirm the first of the two solar flares. Jack initially insists that I need to be on the observatory team until Daniel points out that Teal'c will stand out too much to be seen by Catherine. That means me going with Daniel while Jack takes Teal'c. Jack's definitely more than able to do the necessary observation, although I know he'd leave it to me if I were with him.

We drop Jack and Teal'c at the observatory before driving off to our meeting with Catherine.

Daniel's a revelation. I mean, I know he can speak however-many languages, but in this instance, he's speaking mainly in English, but heavily accented, as if he's German.

"Father never told me Andrek Gruber had a son," Catherine tells him.

"Vell, I vas but a small boy ven they vere shtill vorking together, but mein father often spoke of dein father as one of the few people in zis vorld he could trust."

"Before we continue, I must ask. What was so important it couldn't be discussed over the telephone?"

"Mein father believed zere must have been a zecond artefact near zat vich dein father discovered in 1928."

A maid brings us tea, and while she's in the room, Catherine switches to German. Daniel, of course, has no problem understanding, answering her question in his heavily-accented English.

"He referred to it in his notes as ze 'Doorvay to Heaven'."

He then switches to German and I'm left, assuming that he's saying what he said he would.

When the maid has gone, Catherine switches back to English.  
"You found only a fragment? Nothing beneath?"

"Ze artefact had already been removed."

"Oh! We always knew there had to be a second device with which to control the ring."

I sip my tea while waiting.

"I realise zese matters require ze utmost propriety, but, ..."

"Did your father ever explain to you the nature of the work he was doing in 1945?"

"Only zat ze American militare vas under ze mistaken impression zat ze device dein father discovered might hold zome dark militare purpose. Uh, even zat much, I vas…svorn to secrecy."

"There was an accident," Catherine states. There's such sorrow in her voice, and I just want to tell her that it'll be ok, but I can't.

"Ernest Littlefield," Daniel says, no sign of anything different in his tone.

"When the war ended, my father and I were told never to speak of it again. It is simply locked away."

"Undt … you cannot tell me vhere?"

I try not to tense visibly while we wait for an answer.

"Some old armoury in Washington, D.C., gathering dust. But it's pointless. The military won't even acknowledge its existence."

"Vould you know…vhich armoury?" Daniel asks.

To my immense relief, she is able to tell us.

Armed with the information, we make our way back to the observatory to pick up Jack and Teal'c. They climb on board the bus, and before they're even seated, I've got to know if the solar flare theory is good.

"Well?" I demand.

"Your theory is confirmed," Teal'c answers.

"Where do we have to be for tomorrow's flare?" That's from Jack.

"Washington, D.C.," Daniel answers.

SSSSS

It's a rush, and even with each of us taking a turn driving, it's going to be tight. I'm at the wheel for the last leg.

"We're almost there, Sir. It's going to be close if we don't find a power source right away."

"We will," he answers confidently. I know him well enough to know there's no real reason for the confidence – he just feels it's his job to keep the rest of us on track.

I hear his voice again, less clearly now, so I assume he's turned towards the back of the bus.

"Listen, I really have to say this. The two of you have been unbelievably, …"

"Groovy," Daniel finishes.

"Groovy, I think, is the word," Jack agrees.

"Uh, the people of our world will be extremely grateful," Daniel adds, continuing with the ridiculous cover story the two of them came up with.

"Not the establishment, mind you," Jack quickly points out.

"No. Not…not them," Daniel quickly agrees.

"I think what we're trying to say is that we have to go the rest of the way alone."

"Why?" asks Jenny.

"Because it's dangerous," Jack answers, his tone of voice changed from informal to his 'Colonel' voice. Unfortunately, neither Jenny nor Michael recognises the implications of that.

"We want you to take us with you," Michael decides.

"We can't do that," Jack answers.

"But you owe us."

"Yes, we do. We owe you a lot. But you belong here. And you have to trust me on this. This is a great time."

"Michael got drafted," Jenny blurts out.

There's a short stunned silence, broken eventually by Michael.  
"We're just going to the concert first. You know, one last blast. But if we went with you, …"

What can any of us say to that?  
"I don't want to … kill anybody," Michael adds.

"Michael, …" Jack starts, his voice obviously a command even to someone not in the services.

"Sir, you can't say anything," I remind him. "He has to make up his own mind."

I pull the bus over. "We can walk the rest of the way from here."

"We've got to go," Jack states. "I'm sorry."

"Your secret's safe with us," Jenny says as we get off.

I give her a hug. Funny, I feel closer to her than I would have imagined after such a short while. "We know that. Thank you. Take care."

We walk away, but I turn back to see the two of them, arms around each other, as they watch us leave.


	42. Chapter 42

The armoury is a warehouse. We manage to get inside – considering what's in there, security is pretty light. It doesn't take long to work out which crate contains the Stargate. There's only one big enough.

I dispose of the guard we see, and we all move towards the gate.

It doesn't take long to open up the crate, and once we can see it, I think the others really start to believe we're going home.

"Where're we going?" I ask Sam. We didn't get down to details like that before, just focussing on finding the gate.

"Back the way we came, via P2X-555," she answers.

"Wait a minute," interrupts Daniel. "How do you know we'll go forward in time instead of back?"

"Well, General Hammond must have chosen flares on the opposite side of the sun this time, so the Sun's rotational differential will send us forward instead of back," she answers, but I can see from her expression that she's not as confident as she's trying to be.  
She must see the doubt reflected on our faces. "Look, we just have to trust General Hammond. I mean, the point is, we are fifteen minutes away from the only chance we are going to get at this, and we still haven't found a power source to …"

"How much power?" I ask.

There are various military vehicles stored in the warehouse, and we even find some with some gas in the tank. We set up to get power from the alternators fed to the gate. Sam and I get the engines revving while Daniel and Teal'c see to doing the actual dialling.

It's slower than I'd like, and we're making a hell of a lot of noise. One by one, the chevrons lock, but there's no way we're going to get all seven locked before someone comes.

Daniel and Teal'c dial the last co-ordinate and jump clear, just as I hear a voice yelling, "You! Stop!" And of course, he's pointing a gun at us. A moment after that, there're two of them.

"We have got to go," I say, to no one in particular.

I rush for cover behind some crates, firing the zat as I go, covering my team as it moves to find cover. It takes a while longer before I manage to get both guards, and I'm ready to go.

"Sir, the timing has to be exact. Just a few more seconds," Sam warns.

"It's going to have to be close enough. Go!"

We make a run for it – and I'm firing for all I'm worth at the guards who seem to have recovered from the initial hits quickly. I dive through.

It's the Gateroom, but not like I remember it. Everything's covered up like it hasn't been used in a long time.

"Auntie Em? Auntie Em?" I call, pretty sure there's no one around.

"Where is everyone?" Sam asks.

One of the doors slides open, and two women walk through. The older of the two approaches confidently, the other holds back a bit.

"Hello, Jack," the older one greets me.

I stare at her, and she just smiles back and continues to approach the base of the ramp.

As she gets closer, she laughs. "Teal'c? Daniel? I hardly recognised you with hair."

The others are obviously as confused as I am.

"Do … do we know you?" I ask.

"Sam will recognize me," the older woman says. She gestures towards Sam. "Come closer."

We walk towards the others, Sam in the lead. As she reaches them, Sam speaks. "Oh, my God." She hugs the older woman. "Cassandra!"

The woman laughs. "Dear Sam."

"Excuse me," I interrupt, tapping Sam on the shoulder. "Who is this?"

Sam steps back. "Cassandra."

"Cassie's thirteen years old," I remind her.

"Not anymore, Jack. I've been expecting you…my whole life, in fact. You entered the Stargate a few seconds too soon, so the flare threw you far into the future. I've come to send you back where you belong."

"How did you know we'd come here?" Daniel asks.

"When I was old enough to understand, Sam explained what happened, and that I'd be the one to send you home."

"Like a self-fulfilling prophecy," Sam realises.

Cassie's nodding. "Mm-hmm. As much as I would love to spend more time with you, the timing must be precise. You have to go very soon."

"Who's your friend?" I ask. The other woman – younger than Cassie but strangely familiar – has held back.

"No one you know," Cassie says aloud. Then she steps forward to hug me, and while she's close, she whispers a single word in my ear. "Yet."

While Cassie hugs the other guys, I take a closer look at the other woman. Her hair is mid-brown and her eyes dark, but then she smiles at me and I know that smile. Sam's smile. It lights up her face like only one person I know. No one else is looking at her, and she mouths two words at me. "Hi, Dad."

I'm about to go to her, but Cassie seems to realise that and steps between us. She holds my gaze for a second, and I know she's warning me not to say anything.

"It's time," she warns.  
"Already?" says Sam, oblivious to the other woman. "But there's so much that you …"

"You of all people know I can't," Cassie reminds Sam.

Cassie lifts her hand, revealing some sort of device on it, and with a wave, the gate activates.

"I will tell you this - your journey's just beginning," she says.

We all turn towards the gate and walk up the ramp. The other three go through, and I turn for one last glimpse, but the other woman's gone.

"Why?" I ask Cassie.

"Because you need to hope," she tells me.

"My daughter?"

"Yours and Sam's."

"Why not tell Sam?"

"Because she hasn't lost hope yet. And if she knows, she'll worry about it and it'll end up changing something. You … need to know and to keep her hope alive."

I nod, turn, and walk through the gate.

The Gateroom we arrive in is familiar. General Hammond's waiting for us, and I can't help a delighted, "Yes!"

"We're home," I say as I salute at the General. "Thanks to one sparky young Lieutenant Hammond."

"How did you know, Sir?" Sam asks.

"When I was a young Lieutenant, I was ordered to escort four people out of Cheyenne Mountain. In the vest pocket of one I found a note with my name on it. Needless to say, I followed its instructions."

"But you couldn't have known when to give it to me."

"No. I knew the time was getting close, but I spotted the cut on your hand while you were making the adjustments, and I realised, you had to be on the mission. Remember when I took your cuffs off?"

"Then you've been waiting for this to happen," Sam realises.

"Ever since we met. I almost didn't let you go."

"But if you didn't, you would have changed your own history," she points out.

I shake my head. Sam's technobabble confuses me at the best of times. Add some time travel, and I can already feel a headache coming on.

"It's going to be a long debriefing, people," Hammond tells us. "We'll start in one hour."

"Yes, Sir."

"Oh, by the way, Colonel – with interest, you owe me five hundred thirty-nine dollars and fifty cents."

"Yes, Sir," I smile back at him.

JJJJJ

Much later, when Sam and I get home, I have a chance to think about what I know. Sam's been chattering about how we must've done well not to have changed anything, and how it's just as well Cassie had the sense not to tell us anything about our future. I can't help smiling as I remember a woman with Charlie's eyes and Sam's smile. I can't tell Sam. She'll only worry about what it might change, whereas I … I can just file the information away. We're going to make it, Sam and me. And we're going to have kids … at least one. I suppose, with Cassie that old, that Sam and I're dead by that time. Our daughter as I saw her must've been older than I am now, but she was a fine looking woman. It must've been hard for her to be there. Assuming we're dead. Seeing us … seeing her mom and not being able to tell her. She's got her mom's courage too. I don't know your name, young O'Neill, but I'm looking forward to meeting you.

"What?" Sam asks me.

"What?" I ask.

"You're sitting there grinning."

"Just pleased to be home."

"It's a while since I saw you smile like that," she decides.

"I smile," I disagree.

"Yeah, but not like that. Not since … before we got back to Earth."

I shrug my shoulders.

"Maybe I should do it more often," I suggest. "Keep you off-balance."

"Maybe you should," she agrees, sitting beside me on the sofa.

She's smiling at me – that smile, and while she does, I darken the hair and eyes to see our daughter. Cassie said I needed to hope. Sam told Cassie what happened when she was old enough to understand. I need to tell our daughter, make sure she's there to give me hope.

I never was good at guessing women's ages, but I think we're talking at least another ten years before she's born. Maybe longer. Ten years. I'll be over fifty, and that's kind of late to be starting a family, but if that's how long it'll take, then that's how it'll be.

The End

That's it, folks. It's (past) time to remind everyone that I owe a debt of gratitude to my beta, tgeyer for all her help on everything from typos to consistency to US language.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sections of dialogue from the show are included in this story where it overlaps from the 'official' version. I took the dialogue in part from transcripts on Gateworld, and in part direct from DVDs.


End file.
